laralu Posted January 15, 2021 Share Posted January 15, 2021 hey everyone, I'm 24, in a relationship with a guy since 4 years. He is straight:) He told me, something he'd like to experience once is a threesome. He says he'd only want to fulfill this fantasy if I was turned on by this in the situation. Now, should I be super happy, that he would like it only with me being turned on? Or is it really the minimum to only want to have a threesome in reality if your girlfriend wants it because otherwise you would be alone with 1 woman, and what you want is 2 women? So much thanks for reading, Lara Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 15, 2021 Share Posted January 15, 2021 If you have doubts, don't do it. It will create problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Don't. It usually sours a relationship. 1) Mistrust is created when one party "already has someone in mind as the third" 2) Overanalysis of the behavior of both parties (giving the third too much attention) 3) Suspicion over communication between the third and the other person ongoing afterwards Its one thing to have a fantasy - its another thing to request it. Say no. Has there been any discussion on the long term for this relationship recently? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Decide whether you want a monogamous relationship with a committed partner, or not. If so, consenting to bring someone else into your sex life opens that door, and it's not likely to ever shut again--regardless of whether or not you are invited to participate. The choice is yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 If he wanted this experience he should have done it when he was single. It's not fair to suggest it with someone you are in a committed relationship with because it can cause all kinds of trust issues. A girl I went to college with told me about her experience. Her BF got so jealous, their relationship went downhill from there and it was HIS idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 On 1/15/2021 at 1:39 PM, laralu said: Now, should I be super happy, that he would like it only with me being turned on? That's a bold face lie....this is only for his own satisfaction, whether or not you get turned on by it isn't his goal here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 I would not be happy with this at all. I would be hurt, but that's me. I would hope that I would be enough for my partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 Happy? Why because he will be turned on by seeing you turned on and he gets to have sex outside the relationship? He doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you. He wants to be in a relationship where he can have sex with others or watch you having sex with others. Do you want that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 In your recent thread you said you have been together 2 years. Which is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laralu Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 34 minutes ago, Hollyj said: In your recent thread you said you have been together 2 years. Which is it? Dear @Holliyj sorry for the confusion it’s 4 years. i was super happy because of the thoughtful posts in the other thread. It just made me dig in the past so I decided to Stay in the present and ask about this new Topic again. The past is over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laralu Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 33 minutes ago, Batya33 said: Happy? Why because he will be turned on by seeing you turned on and he gets to have sex outside the relationship? He doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you. He wants to be in a relationship where he can have sex with others or watch you having sex with others. Do you want that? I thought that if he‘s only into it when I am, he Will Be perfectly Fine when i say no (what I do) Because then he‘d no longer interested you Know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 3 minutes ago, laralu said: I thought that if he‘s only into it when I am, he Will Be perfectly Fine when i say no (what I do) Because then he‘d no longer interested you Know? I'm sorry, but I do not understand this answer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laralu Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 45 minutes ago, smackie9 said: That's a bold face lie....this is only for his own satisfaction, whether or not you get turned on by it isn't his goal here. That might be true. Sometimes it‘s hard to detect a lie. I just depend on his honesty, that‘s a but difficult here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 Guys will do and say anything to get sex or sex related things. He's trying to make it appealing to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laralu Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 Just now, Hollyj said: I'm sorry, but I do not understand this answer? Ahh sorry i meant. If He Can really just be Interested in a 3some. When i say yes and Show my attraction. His interest Will Not evolve be there if i always say no Right?😂 sorry again for my Bad english (i am from France and try my best) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laralu Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 Just now, smackie9 said: Guys will do and say anything to get sex or sex related things. He's trying to make it appealing to you. I agree, when it comes to threesomes i think Some guys would do anything to experience it once.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laralu Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 52 minutes ago, smackie9 said: If he wanted this experience he should have done it when he was single. It's not fair to suggest it with someone you are in a committed relationship with because it can cause all kinds of trust issues. A girl I went to college with told me about her experience. Her BF got so jealous, their relationship went downhill from there and it was HIS idea. Acutally He Had the chance when He was single. He said no because He was insecure. I think his wish is bc of this.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 6 minutes ago, laralu said: Ahh sorry i meant. If He Can really just be Interested in a 3some. When i say yes and Show my attraction. His interest Will Not evolve be there if i always say no Right?😂 sorry again for my Bad english (i am from France and try my best) No problem, I just wanted clarification. Is this something that you had wanted to do, before he brought it up? Do you prefer a monogamous relationship or do you want others involved sexually? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laralu Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 12 minutes ago, Hollyj said: No problem, I just wanted clarification. Is this something that you had wanted to do, before he brought it up? Do you prefer a monogamous relationship or do you want others involved sexually? My wish is a monogamous relationship. But also I wanted to do it before He Mentioned it and it’s definitely a Wish for me but not inside a Relationship.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 21 minutes ago, laralu said: My wish is a monogamous relationship. But also I wanted to do it before He Mentioned it and it’s definitely a Wish for me but not inside a Relationship.. Then you shouldn't do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 12 hours ago, laralu said: My wish is a monogamous relationship. But also I wanted to do it before He Mentioned it and it’s definitely a Wish for me but not inside a Relationship.. So then by definition you will never be into it. So tell him that "you said you only want to do it if I am into it but since I only want monogamy and would not do this in a committed relationship please don't ever ask me because I will never be into it." That's the truth right? And then do you think he'll be "fine" with that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 When you're young and think you're really open to anything, it sounds like a good idea, but nope, it is so not a good idea. It will ruin things, if not now, then definitely down the line. There are all sorts of reasons. It's just a bad idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 Are you bi? Or is he just looking for experiences? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 Speaking from experience: only do this is you already had an interest in having this experience. It will be a disaster otherwise. Only you can decide if him even suggesting it hurts your feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laralu Posted January 18, 2021 Author Share Posted January 18, 2021 1 hour ago, Batya33 said: So then by definition you will never be into it. So tell him that "you said you only want to do it if I am into it but since I only want monogamy and would not do this in a committed relationship please don't ever ask me because I will never be into it." That's the truth right? And then do you think he'll be "fine" with that? Yeah, I think he will absolutely fine with not living it. He would never expect me to do anything I don't want. That's why I was really understanding because of his wish. His motives matter most to me. I hope he tells me the truth about this only wanting if i want. And that it's not because of: "If only the other woman wants it, and my girl doesn't I don't want to, because i want 2 girls." So I was wondering if his motivation is "special" and really caring for me, and not because of egoism. And that is really, really hard to differ. Is that somehow understandable? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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