Capremm Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 Will try and keep this very short. He's 29 and I'm 23. We've been following eachother on Instagram for around 4 years although we've never met, and we started talking last year. It's been 5 months of non-stop talking now. Texting all day, video calls, phone calls, games, we've sent eachother gifts, we're all lovey-dovey and got nicknames for each other, but there's no official date for meeting cause of work but mostly COVID. Well, it's been 5 months and we both click so well but we definitely never intended on getting too serious until we had the chance to meet and see if things worked out. Well it's been 5 months and during those 5 months he's expecting me to be 100% exclusive and we basically have a relationship WITHOUT the title so we're not official. Everything else (besides the physical stuff, obviously) we do. And there's a lot of expectation yet I feel like he's growing comfortable and every time I talk about making plans to meet, it's a dead end. Am I wasting time?? I really enjoy talking to him and we've grown so close, yet it's frightening to be this vulnerable and catch feelings when there's so much uncertainty and knowing it could go on like this for another 5 months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 Think of him as a text buddy or cyberpal. You haven't met. It sounds like he's married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capremm Posted January 13, 2021 Author Share Posted January 13, 2021 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Think of him as a text buddy or cyberpal. You haven't met. It sounds like he's married. So should I set boundaries and stop being romantic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 Are you and him long distance? If not, then covid is not really an excuse for not meeting. Could have met up outdoors if you really wanted to and kept things safe so to speak. I see lots of covid dates in city parks, streets, walking, chatting - just seeing how in person chemistry goes or not. I mean safe busy public places, not some out of the way situation when I say park. Whenever someone demands something from you that is unreasonable, while stalling on actually meeting you, it's a red flag. Unfortunately, these 5 months are based a lot on fantasy and expectations, which you are starting to feel the pressure of. Meeting in real life can be both a shock and a let down as the person turns out to be not at all how you built them up in your mind. Take a step back and beware. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capremm Posted January 13, 2021 Author Share Posted January 13, 2021 Just now, DancingFool said: Are you and him long distance? If not, then covid is not really an excuse for not meeting. Could have met up outdoors if you really wanted to and kept things safe so to speak. I see lots of covid dates in city parks, streets, walking, chatting - just seeing how in person chemistry goes or not. I mean safe busy public places, not some out of the way situation when I say park. Whenever someone demands something from you that is unreasonable, while stalling on actually meeting you, it's a red flag. Unfortunately, these 5 months are based a lot on fantasy and expectations, which you are starting to feel the pressure of. Meeting in real life can be both a shock and a let down as the person turns out to be not at all how you built them up in your mind. Take a step back and beware. Yes, we are long-distance. And I'm particularly scared of that last bit: I'm dedicating so many months of my single life to someone I don't even know I will like (or have them like me) IRL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 How large is the distance between you two? Who is moving closer to who after covid? Why after 5 months of this intense communication hasn't he come to see you? If I felt the way he says he does about a woman I would have found a way to meet her in person even with covid restrictions. It seems very suspicious to say the least. Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capremm Posted January 13, 2021 Author Share Posted January 13, 2021 1 minute ago, lostandhurt said: How large is the distance between you two? Who is moving closer to who after covid? Why after 5 months of this intense communication hasn't he come to see you? If I felt the way he says he does about a woman I would have found a way to meet her in person even with covid restrictions. It seems very suspicious to say the least. Lost 3k miles apart. Currently WFH and has some health issues so he's very paranoid about travelling. As for me, I find myself confused too, but also I'm more used to going out since I am not working from home and go out every day. We agreed it would be him who'd eventually visit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 Three thousand miles??? I always question these situations even when I know for sure it is all real. What is the possible future for you two? Anyways this seems sketchy to me so I would stop encouraging any romantic discussions and back off some and see what happens. Do you talk to guys in your area? When was your last relationship? Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capremm Posted January 13, 2021 Author Share Posted January 13, 2021 5 minutes ago, lostandhurt said: Three thousand miles??? I always question these situations even when I know for sure it is all real. What is the possible future for you two? Anyways this seems sketchy to me so I would stop encouraging any romantic discussions and back off some and see what happens. Do you talk to guys in your area? When was your last relationship? Lost My last relationship was last february and lasted two years. I do talk to guys in my area and I actually get asked out a lot, but I can't help feeling guilty cause I've been getting close to this guy, main reason why I'm posting this. I've been considering going out on dates if he's not willing to visit anytime soon, cause it seems more and more uncertain every day. Since I just graduated I'd be applying to my masters, to be done in a city that's 2 hours away from him, this is why we really got into talking months ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 17 minutes ago, Capremm said: 3k miles apart. Currently WFH and has some health issues so he's very paranoid about travelling. As for me, I find myself confused too, but also I'm more used to going out since I am not working from home and go out every day. We agreed it would be him who'd eventually visit. Yeah.. ok, No. 😞 Unless OR until you two meet and CAN actually see each other for real, experience each other for real and truly see this as something.. I suggest you do NOT agree to exclusive! You are free in your own world & in your own ways. Do not get messed up in this kind of life. Do as you are.. at your own end. Maybe you can suggest to him to NOT be flirty etc with you anymore, since none of it sounds promising and you two are just too far.. so YOU can carry on with your life again - so no expectations... And so you no longer feel 'held up' by some guy who's hours away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 3 minutes ago, Capremm said: My last relationship was last february and lasted two years. I do talk to guys in my area and I actually get asked out a lot, but I can't help feeling guilty cause I've been getting close to this guy Right. Then stop all of this with him... If he chooses to keep up communicating/ gaming etc fine. But be honest with him.. and just tell him 'No'. To not see you as someone to get involved with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 You can't be in a relationship with words on a screen or an image on a monitor. You aren't doing ANY "relationship stuff" because it's not possible. Why are you hesitant to tell him you want to date actual, three dimensional men? Do you think he'll be heartbroken? After all, he isn't getting any true relationship benefits either! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 21 minutes ago, boltnrun said: You can't be in a relationship with words on a screen or an image on a monitor. You aren't doing ANY "relationship stuff" because it's not possible. Why are you hesitant to tell him you want to date actual, three dimensional men? Do you think he'll be heartbroken? After all, he isn't getting any true relationship benefits either! I think you like interacting with him because it's safe - you know all you have to do on a practical level is block him from contacting you, you know the chances of meeting are slim to none and partly it's flattering that he's interested. For dating purposes he is a total stranger. Given how attached he is becoming and clingy and inappropriate I don't think it's safe at all to meet him in person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 So you can see that this imagined relationship is actually hindering any chance at a real relationship with guys near you. Time to cut this off and agree to a date from some of the local guys that interest you. No need to rush into anything so take your time, be covid safe and dating safe and see how you feel after dating real guys in person. I still think this long distance guy is sketchy. Possibly married or in a relationship or something but this doesn't feel right on several levels. Let him know you are not interested in being exclusive and you need to focus on people in your area. Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 7 hours ago, Capremm said: So should I set boundaries and stop being romantic? Yes. This is a pen pal, not a romance. If you want to BF, date locally. It sounds like he may be a scamming, catfishing or in another relationship. Be very wary of someone who contacts you from 3000 mi. away and wants a relationship. Huge red flag 🚩 It would be best to either end this or scale back on the contact. Invest your time in talking to and meeting local men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 7 hours ago, lostandhurt said: So you can see that this imagined relationship is actually hindering any chance at a real relationship with guys near you. Time to cut this off and agree to a date from some of the local guys that interest you. All of this. This isn't a relationship and it would be crazy to place yourself on hold for this guy when you have no clue when or even if you will ever meet in person. It sounds like you're both a bit lonely, OP, and love the idea of a relationship so you have both entered into this cyber-fling because, well, the attention feels good. But it's not sustainable in the long-run. It's time to back away from this and focus more on exploring potential with local men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.