Interracial Dating, Getting taken seriously, Hispanic Culture

[Kate-305]

Interracial dating is a topic that I thing needs more discussion. I have been in a few interracial relationships and I always find a little tension there that's not a big deal at first but later on I think inevitably leads to the end. 

The tension I think is caused from not clear and open discussions about the topic. I am white and most of my partners have been Hispanic. I always feel slightly weird bringing up the race thing. I don't want to make it seem like it's a huge deal but it really is something to be considered. I always try to be respectful of my partners culture and race even to the point of learning to speak Spanish. (Actually attending classes and such)

But ultimately at the end of the day I don't feel like I'm taken seriously in these relationships because I'm white. I rarely am introduced to family. It sometimes feels like my race makes people of other cultures ashamed to be with me, like they're betraying their family to be with me and it feels horrible. I know that there's a certain cultural aspect that no matter what I will never attain but I don't think I'm trying to. All I want is a relationship where I don't feel like a novelty. 

 I just want some perspective and opinions on maneuvering an interracial relationship and all the different variables that go into it. It's such a hard subject and sometimes I feel in todays polarized environment people are scared to talk about this. 

[Batya33]

So I would want to know how long you've been dating the particular individual -individuals have different views on when to introduce a new partner to family -nothing to do with race.  I know of many people who will not marry outside of their religion or race - that is their preference and 99.9% of the time has nothing to do with discrimination -it's a personal romantic relationship and when it comes to marriage or a long term commitment many individuals choose to marry within their own culture/race/religion.  So if you choose to date someone with that goal then know that you are not going to be "the one" and it's more likely that he will not want you involved with his family.  I don't think it has anything to do with "today's environment" -I'm 54 and for decades- when I was dating(until 2005), when friends were dating people had preferences when it came to who they would date especially if it had to do with marriage/long term.  

Also what do you mean by "hispanic culture?"  To my understanding there are many different cultures among people who are of hispanic origin.

Are your partners respectful of your culture, your religion, your background? 

[Jibralta]

45 minutes ago, Kate-305 said:

I just want some perspective and opinions on maneuvering an interracial relationship and all the different variables that go into it. 

It sounds like you get into relationships based on physical attraction. That is perfectly fine.

The problem is, you feel let down by your partner's behavior at some point and are afraid to talk to them about it.

Although some of the obstacles you face have a racial aspect to them, I don't think the problem that you face is an issue of race, so much as it is one about intimacy. 

Ideally, you should be able to talk to your relationship partner about everything. You need to be able to relate to each other and avoid misunderstanding.

If you're in an interracial relationship, you should be able to talk about race. Just like if you both have different religions, you need to be able to talk about religion. These can be defining characteristics, and are not things to be swept under the rug. 

It sounds like you want to have these are conversations with your partner(s), but you are just afraid to have them. I think that's because you haven't developed real intimacy with them. You may have developed sexual intimacy, but not emotional intimacy.

I think it would help you to get to know people better before dating them. OR, slow your roll when getting into a relationship--don't dive in head first. Try to establish emotional intimacy before rushing in... you will find that not everyone is worth your time and you will save yourself from awkward situations like the ones you describe.

 

[LaHermes]

No  Kate, no one is scared to talk about this topic.  Why would they?

"sometimes I feel in todays polarized environment people are scared to talk about this. "

And I ask the same question as Batya: What do you mean by "Hispanic culture". 

Are you in a particular relationship at the moment with someone "Hispanic".  Rather than generalising, perhaps you could ask for opinions and advice on how to proceed in the present relationship (if any). 

Interracial relationships and marriages are far more common that you might think.  It all comes down to the two persons involved and their life view.

 

For good measure:

 

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/feb/21/whats-behind-the-rise-of-interracial-marriage-in-the-us

 

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Kate-305 said:

I know that there's a certain cultural aspect

This seems to be the more important issue. If they're dating you, they're not "racist", so using that hyperbole is sure to cause more discord than necessary. It's important to remember that not everyone wants to meet families asap in new dating situations.

It's also very important to have the discussion about their families' acceptance of LGBT dating.

Blending all sorts of current events and social issues into your dating life, when it could be simply that you don't enjoy dating more than 6 mos or a youthful age or the fact that they haven't come out to their families may cause undue feelings of prejudice against you.

Dating from a different culture, religion, etc will have some family and interpersonal hurdles but many can be surmounted.

[LootieTootie]

7 hours ago, Kate-305 said:

I am white and most of my partners have been Hispanic. 

But ultimately at the end of the day I don't feel like I'm taken seriously in these relationships because I'm white. I rarely am introduced to family. It sometimes feels like my race makes people of other cultures ashamed to be with me

 

So I read this and I have dated hispanic men (asian here) and I have been introduced to their families with no issues so as long as were "serious" couple. I think there might be more underlying issues here that you and your partner(s) are not communicating to each other.

Also lets just say you are right, that your exes have never introduced you to their families because they were embarrassed or didn't want to be verbally chastised by their family, you need to count your blessings you didn't stay with a coward. 

A good and loyal partner in life is someone who is willing to defend you, even from the people they love.

[greendots]

As Batya and LaHermes have mentioned, you need to really define what you mean by "Hispanic" as it's too broad of a term. I assume that you're talking about "Hispanos" that aren't from Spain.

I'm somewhat familiar with Hispanic culture and my experience has been: Women who hook up quickly with men are generally not taken seriously. A Hispanic man will only introduce a woman he is serious about to his family. As for being white, this is often seen as an advantage. Something about many Hispanic men really digging white chicks.

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Kate-305 said:

 I don't feel like I'm taken seriously in these relationships because I'm white.

Perhaps you need to stop categorizing people like this and see beyond thier color and backgrounds and view individuals as part of the Human race.

Take time to reflect on your prejudices and why you are labeling people.

[catfeeder]

How do you select men? Do you date people to get to know them and share ideas about what you're seeking in a partner, or do you hook up and sexualize your relationship early?

If you want to be taken seriously, you'll need to take your SELF seriously enough to screen for what you want and communicate it early. That's how we learn whether someone shares our vision of what a relationship should look like--or not.

If you are relationship material, own it, and date only guys who view themselves in the same way. Anyone who wants 'casual' or doesn't know what he wants isn't a good match. That means skip him instead of taking up with him to try to change him. That won't work, and it won't bring you any closer to your goal of being taken seriously.

Head high, and make your choices less about culture and more about simpatico.