what makes u too clingy?

[seren]

I was just wondering what are the diffrences between wanting to be with your boyfriend or girlfriend like in a normal way and what makes u seem too dependant or needy?

 

with my bf its kinda lame cos i dont have many friends or anything here so im always free. BUT im VERY happy being on my own, i have no dramas with it, i dont NEED people. But im worried he may think im dependant on him.

only becaus i dont have my own life much without friends etc. i work and study but im always free sorta thing.

 

is this really bad?

 

I love to spend time with him of course like any girlfriend does. ia lways ask if hes stayin the night again cos he always stays at mine and we never stay at his cos he still lives iwth his parents.

 

when he says he isnt stayin the night im fine with it ( i used to say awww but now i dont) he often goes out with boys and im ALWAYS fine with that, and he often takes priority ove rhis studies rather then me and im always fine with that. i let him do whatever BUT im always availabel for him if he wants to see me and i worry that makes me SEEM dependant and clingy.

 

does it?????????? am i just bein ultra paranoid?

What do you think makes a person too needy or dependant on you? like callin all the time or what?

 

i never call him unless its regarding something were doin together that night or something.

 

when he is at home or out with boys i NEVER call or bother him, i give him space when hes away. i never call him on phone unless reason etc. and i dont beg him to see me when hes free.

 

but i do wonder what are things people do that make them seem too dependant or needy? can i have some examples

 

and do u think i am?

[catfood]

That's an interesting question - I'm in a similar situation. My boyfriend, for whatever reason, has a much more active social life than I do. Don't get me wrong, I like to go out and spend time with friends. But I also like to be alone, and frankly, I don't have as many close friends as he does.

 

Consequently, he's got his weekends jam-packed with parties, barbecues, etc. Not that I'm complaining, it's a blast hanging out with him. But it always ends up that he's the one to call me and tell me what's going on that night. And I'm always, ALWAYS, available.

 

I don't pester him about spending time with the guys either, but I do usually wait around for him to invite me places.

 

Is that a problem, guys?

[melrich]

My guess at it would be if you attach your personal happiness to someone else the your are probably too dependent on that person. A healthy relationship needs to be balanced, both parties should be responsible for there own happiness and make equal contributions to the relationship. If the relationship is one sided then it is probably a good indication of neediness on the part of one person.

[misery12]

I totally understand where the first 2 posts are coming from.

I can really relate to this, because I've felt this way, you even though you're probably a lot older than I am, I think I can relate.

I used to feel that I was too needy, or clingy because my girlfriend played sports in school, and always had homework, and has a lot of close friends (more than I do). But in time, I realized that if we spend too much time together, that things will just get boring and predictable. Since then, I have managed to get hobbies, such as golfing, finding a part time job for the summer, mowing lawns, soccer, things like that. This way, I am not sitting at home after school waiting for her to finish her activities to talk to me. We both do our own things and then talk about them that night, and then on weekends, and sometimes through the week, hang out.

Anyways, the moral to all of this rambling, was to show you that you need to get more hobbies, or at least get some interests to take your mind off all the probably unnecessary worrying. Then, that night you can call him, or email him and talk about your days. Missing each other is a big plus in a relationship, it lets your feelings grow for each other as well. More is less, less is More. If you feel like you want to do something with him of your choice, such as a nice dinner alone or something, try making plans with him a week in advanced or something, and keep saying how you're looking forward to it, so he doesn't change plans. If you don't mind hanging out with him, wherever he goes.. it's not a total loss, at least it's a good sign that he is making the plans, and has enough care for you, to include you in all of them. Try not to stress little things like this, until he gives you a reason to. Trust him until he gives you a reason not to. If you feel like it's bottling up inside, you have to tell him, but don't accuse him of anything, be nice about it. If he has half a heart, and respect for you, he will listen, and respect your honesty. I hope this helps.

Good luck girls!

[seren]

Yeah god its a hard one........

 

see thats the thing I LIKE being alone, he may think i have no life hahahaha but in my head and heart i know its because i ENJOY it.

I hope i dont seem boring or needy. i gues syoru only really needy and dependant if you HAVE to see them, you go OUT of your way to be with them all the time. which we dont, were just already doin nuttin lol.

 

See the thing with me and my bf also is that in his teenage yrs he was kinda a nerd, he went to private school n didnt have many friends etc but with me i was a HUGE party person in school, always organizing weekend parties and gigs etc.....n then when iw a sonly 18 i moved abroad to the uk for 2 years where i went clubbin alot, partying ALOT and had ALOT I MEAN ALOT of time on my own, no fmaily or nuttin and travelling alot. so i got way over the club scene and way used to being happy at home on own, and wheni came home i realised how much i missed my family etc n now i just love being home with them. just chillin.

 

but hes more just getting into the club scene etc even tho hes 22 haha because its only now he has really close mates etc.....

 

so i hoep i dont seem needy that im always here if he needs me or wants to see me, n i do ask him if hes strayin all the time ( but thats cos i HAVE to know whats goin on in my day etc hahah) .

 

its true we al need hobbies etc. i do photography but thats in itself kinda mellow.

 

ahh well

 

anymore thoughts.

 

is this a major prob?

 

anymore htoughts on what u think makes someone needy?

 

i agree with if your happiness depends on rship that is too dependant. thats v true

[igor512]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. You sound like a really ideal girlfriend for him in that you care about how he feels, but don't bother him about it. Most guys don't like being bugged about their feelings or pestered about being together, so he's probably very happy that you let him have his own life, too.