maritalbliss86 Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 As the old song goes.... The greatest thing you'll ever learn Is how to love And be loved In return (Eden Ahbez) Love that! It's so true. Life is easier when you have this. And it's easier to be kind to others when you're coming from a place of love and peacefulness. Easier to respond because you have proper perspective to be kind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 Love that! It's so true. Life is easier when you have this. And it's easier to be kind to others when you're coming from a place of love and peacefulness. Easier to respond because you have proper perspective to be kind. Yes but so rewarding when you can respond kindly despite feeling like crap. It's worth the effort! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 Yes but so rewarding when you can respond kindly despite feeling like crap. It's worth the effort! Yes, you're right, Batya - I think that's even more valuable! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 Yes, you're right, Batya - I think that's even more valuable! I had some really helpful mantras pre-covid and with covid I let it go by the wayside too much -this is just too much togetherness for me in a small space but I am good at "noticing" my irritability most often in time not to react to it badly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 I hear you my in-laws have been a thorn in my backside for 3 decades. Thank goodness now they are too old and infirm to do anything . I am unfailingly polite to them. His dad I don’t have to worry anymore his dementia and Parkinson’s are so bad now he has been permanently at the hospital a year and a half almost and on last report can no longer move himself or speak. He is 88 and his end is coming. Sadly ,for my husband he hasn’t been able to see his dad in 9 months due to hospital restrictions around COVID. While my father in law was openly emotionally abusive to my husband my mother in law is the bigger evil as she is sneaky and a liar. She will be 86 in 3 weeks. My husband knows I can’t stand them and why but I am polite for his and our son’s sake. He couldn’t stand my father who just passed but he was very honourable to him at his passing and funeral and I won’t forget it and I will return the favour. It has caused a lot of conflict between me and my husband although not recently. He loves them and me dearly and INSISTS they looooove me but I know better . He just wants everyone to love each other but they are not that kind . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 I admire your heart so much, Seraphim, "unfailingly kind," speaks so much to your character! I'm so sorry your husband hasn't been able to see him due to COVID And that's great he was able to honor *your dad* at his funeral. My husband was like yours it sounds like, grew up, "hating," his dad because his dad was emotionally and even physically abusive to him. It's odd to me that they'd want people like that in their life, but I do get it that it's their parents and they want that feeling of having a mom and dad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 I admire your heart so much, Seraphim, "unfailingly kind," speaks so much to your character! I'm so sorry your husband hasn't been able to see him due to COVID And that's great he was able to honor *your dad* at his funeral. My husband was like yours it sounds like, grew up, "hating," his dad because his dad was emotionally and even physically abusive to him. It's odd to me that they'd want people like that in their life, but I do get it that it's their parents and they want that feeling of having a mom and dad My dad was very abusive and neglectful. Even so I was heartbroken at his death and still am as it was just a few months ago. My in-laws were very emotionally abusive to my husband to the point he had a suicide attempt in his 30’s. He loves them to no end though and will NEVER admit their faults and his dad is his hero. He ADORES his dad. He would prefer I am the bad person or liar because I accept all of him his parents don’t and will cut you off in a heartbeat from any form of love and affection and acceptance unless you tow the line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 Wow, Seraphim, that just sounds so hard. I'm so so sorry. Sending you virtual hugs, that is A LOT. Especially them abusing him to the point he almost committed suicide - ugh!!!! Thank you for sharing your experience, it really helps me to see my husband's feelings in a better way and try to understand better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 I admire your heart so much, Seraphim, "unfailingly kind," speaks so much to your character! I'm so sorry your husband hasn't been able to see him due to COVID And that's great he was able to honor *your dad* at his funeral. My husband was like yours it sounds like, grew up, "hating," his dad because his dad was emotionally and even physically abusive to him. It's odd to me that they'd want people like that in their life, but I do get it that it's their parents and they want that feeling of having a mom and dad It's not just the feeling of wanting some idealized version of mom and dad. I forgave my dad when I was in my early 30s I think -he was very ill and took it out on us. But I also knew he cared deeply about us and worked so hard for us and wanted us to fulfil our dreams and goals. He died in 2016. No I didn't feel much about it -he'd been sick with alzheimers and it was such a relief for my mother -the main caregiver. But I didn't like others criticizing him and he was wonderful with our son and loved him to the moon and back. I remember dating a really arrogant guy - we were in our 20s - who was rude to my father at a fancy restaurant my father took us all to to celebrate some accomplishment of mine - anyway - my dad was socially awkward and meant well. He thought condiments on the table were for all of us to share but they were served with my boyfriend's soup. My dad dipped some bread into a condiment and my boyfriend said "oh please help yourself to MY condiments" -with this slight but noticeable emphasis on MY. Honestly I was far more embarrassed then at my father's "gaffe" but later I realized -you know, what an arrogant jerk - there was plenty to go around and my father for heavens sakes was treating. So maybe a more socially skilled person would have picked up on who the condiments were for but give me a break. I felt protective of my father then despite him not treating me well. It seems inconsistent to an outsider. But he was my father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 Wow, Seraphim, that just sounds so hard. I'm so so sorry. Sending you virtual hugs, that is A LOT. Especially them abusing him to the point he almost committed suicide - ugh!!!! Thank you for sharing your experience, it really helps me to see my husband's feelings in a better way and try to understand better. Oh no ! He only attempted. He is good now. 😀 My husband is in his 50’s now and has a great career and lots of treatment and medication but his parents are STILL the cat’s meow.😐 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 Oh no ! He only attempted. He is good now. 😀 My husband is in his 50’s now and has a great career and lots of treatment and medication but his parents are STILL the cat’s meow.😐 That's so good he is well now, very glad! And so good he has a great career and is successful, you must be so proud of him for overcoming so much. Makes me happy to hear all of that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 Wow, Batya, that boyfriend was rude rude rude! I would be defensive, too. My dad was always sweet and kind to us, BUT he's very socially awkward and does funny things, adorable things, really, all the time . My parents are just very eccentric people. My dad once dressed so oddly that I think a police officer actually thought he was a homeless person and tried to make him go away from a business he was trying to enter (they thought he was loitering or something)!!! They aren't poor by any means, they have multiple chunks of land out in expensive hill country area, but they drive really run-down cars and dress like normal people (or for my dad, sometimes HOMELESS people LOL). I had an interesting childhood But my husband would never make my dad the butt of a joke or anything like that, that'd be so inappropriate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 My mom recently told me my dad's latest, "thing," he's doing is to where ear muffs ... inside the house LOL So when she's trying to talk to him, he usually can't hear her... so then she has to try to shout at him what she's trying to get him to know. She said sometimes it isn't worth the effort, so she'll just laugh and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted November 2, 2020 Author Share Posted November 2, 2020 And just to be clear, my dad likes being like this. There's some part of him that finds his behavior entertaining and funny!! He's the one who told me about the business thinking he was a homeless person. He's a little crazy, but so funny and down-to-earth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 And just to be clear, my dad likes being like this. There's some part of him that finds his behavior entertaining and funny!! lol... dad humor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted November 2, 2020 Share Posted November 2, 2020 That's so good he is well now, very glad! And so good he has a great career and is successful, you must be so proud of him for overcoming so much. Makes me happy to hear all of that! Absolutely , he is the love of my life . We have been together our entire adult lives . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted November 3, 2020 Author Share Posted November 3, 2020 Absolutely , he is the love of my life . We have been together our entire adult lives . That is so wonderful, Seraphim. I really admire the life you've built with your husband and son, and everything you've overcome in your past and the PTSD and everything. You're amazing and I don't mean that lightly or cliche at all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted November 3, 2020 Author Share Posted November 3, 2020 So I set a huge boundary this morning with a family member. I was kind, firm and polite, but definitely set it down. Normally this would produce a lot of anxiety, and I got terrible sleep last night, and over the weekend the sleep was not great either. But it felt realy really good to stand up for our boundaries and what we will or will not allow. Phew! Like a burden lifted off, albeit a little anxious when I was setting it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 So I set a huge boundary this morning with a family member. I was kind, firm and polite, but definitely set it down. Normally this would produce a lot of anxiety, and I got terrible sleep last night, and over the weekend the sleep was not great either. But it felt realy really good to stand up for our boundaries and what we will or will not allow. Phew! Like a burden lifted off, albeit a little anxious when I was setting it. Great news!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 Thank you. That is so wonderful, Seraphim. I really admire the life you've built with your husband and son, and everything you've overcome in your past and the PTSD and everything. You're amazing and I don't mean that lightly or cliche at all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted November 3, 2020 Share Posted November 3, 2020 So I set a huge boundary this morning with a family member. I was kind, firm and polite, but definitely set it down. Normally this would produce a lot of anxiety, and I got terrible sleep last night, and over the weekend the sleep was not great either. But it felt realy really good to stand up for our boundaries and what we will or will not allow. Phew! Like a burden lifted off, albeit a little anxious when I was setting it. That always feels good after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 My Life of Oxymorons... I love to garden, yet I don't like the various bugs, dirt, or getting too dirty. Earth worms are cute in a way, but I'm actually scared of them *face palm*. And yet, I still find a lot of joy in aggressively gardening and landscaping... we don't have to ever hire anyone because I love doing it myself. LOL Is it some kind of self-torture? I actually don't understand this one. Most of my oxymorons at least make sense... this one I can't figure out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 I shouldn't say I dislike all the bugs... I do enjoy my visiting butterflies! Giant black butterflies with iridescent blue-tipped wings visit my wall of plumbago plants, an orange viceroy pops in to feed on the various colors of lantana... I have several medium-sized bright yellow butterflies that visit, and then sometimes we actually get a monarch. The hummingbirds constantly flit back and forth from our feeder to their nests, and sometimes stop to feed on the powdery blue wall of plumbago. Gardening just adds so much beauty, and the butterflies themselves add so much. Our kids love to run and chase them. We had a butterfly migration a couple of weeks ago and there were flocks of cute little snout-nosed butterflies. Our daughter danced in them, and it was magical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 I love to garden, yet I don't like the various bugs, dirt, or getting too dirty. Earth worms are cute in a way, but I'm actually scared of them *face palm*. And yet, I still find a lot of joy in aggressively gardening and landscaping... we don't have to ever hire anyone because I love doing it myself. Do you actually get plants to grow? I kill all of my plants. It's not intentional. I'm just terrible at it. My boyfriend actually gets upset whenever I bring a new plant home. He calls me the Jeffrey Dahmer of plants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 Do you actually get plants to grow? I kill all of my plants. It's not intentional. I'm just terrible at it. My boyfriend actually gets upset whenever I bring a new plant home. He calls me the Jeffrey Dahmer of plants. I too am a Plant Murderess. I took my son to a couple of awesome butterfly exhibits- fun and beautiful. My husband and son grow some plants -my late father in law loved gardening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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