How Do You Balance Life with Kids?

[maritalbliss86]

We have regional differences here too ,for instance a lot of people in Québec don’t do Thanksgiving, it’s seen as an English Canadian thing. My mothers family being Acadian so not from Quebec didn’t do Thanksgiving either. She adopted Thanksgiving because she married an English Canadian.

 

I wasn't sure if you did or didn't! Very glad to know.

 

My dad's best friend moved to Quebec, and we'd see him and his daughter every time they came down. I always loved his daughter's accent.

[Seraphim]

I wasn't sure if you did or didn't! Very glad to know.

 

My dad's best friend moved to Quebec, and we'd see him and his daughter every time they came down. I always loved his daughter's accent.

Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving always the second Monday of October.

[maritalbliss86]

Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving always the second Monday of October.

 

Oh I remember now! I feel bad for forgetting!

[maritalbliss86]

Today is one of those days I wish I had my regular family and friend support system to help out at least just to come by and laugh about all this craziness! My husband works so he really couldn't have been here today, but wow last night was another bad night with the baby. It's sad that even coffee doesn't really help with the sleep deprivation at least for me it doesn't as much. And my anxiety is higher when I'm sleep deprived... which is just so annoying! I'm not sure how to manage it, other than just ignore it and try to get through it when it happens. If anyone has any ideas, I'm all ears because I hate feeling that feeling of anxiety and almost like I'm about to have a heart attack or "panic attack?" I guess?

 

It's funny how this baby is a lot harder than our last two... I'm trying to figure out if he's easier or at least just as hard as our first (who was really really hard LOL). At least babies are SO cute and cuddly... he's teething and just cut his first tooth (MAJOR YAY ) but another one is budding underneath and that's what's causing him all the pain I think. He's such a sweet sweet baby, but the constant crying and fussiness is hard. In many ways, it is very nice knowing we're done after this and that I'm sterilized. I always wanted more, but 4 is definitely my limit it seems, at least until they're older and things level out.

 

Anyway... just a really hard morning for some reason. Our middle kids are so cute but they love to fight just to fight sometimes... It's the Viking Child (our 5 yr old boy) and our Feisty Girl. They just love to fight period. Our oldest thought building a fort upstairs would be a great idea in the game room... but then somehow the hotheads decided a pillow fight would be a better idea (not telling me obviously), and one ended up hitting the other with a stuffed animal in the eye. Lots of tears but I checked it out and thankfully they were ok, but wow!

 

And then one of them didn't make it to the restroom and had a semi-accident (which is rare) . Just lots of stuff and before any coffee could really kick in.

 

Plus we had an early morning food order to pick up (groceries)... I don't why I schedule it for early mornings when I know it always seems to come after a night where the baby didn't sleep well. The kids don't like getting ready that early and I get it... they want to veg and watch cartoons LOL. It was a little scary driving there because I'm not really all there when that sleep deprived. I need to remember next time to just do the delivery. Yes... it's $10 extra dollars (which I hate) but it's better than having a wreck and dying! WAKE UP Woman it's ok to spend $10 on delivery when you have 4 kids 10 and under and are extremely sleep deprived.... It's OK

 

Ok... rant done.

[Batya33]

Yes -throw money at the problem! I like 4-7-8 breathing -Weil method -if I start to feel anxious and I find the pandemic situation makes me feel more anxious about dumb stuff generally (meaning dumb to me -not referring to the smartness or otherwise of what you are anxious about!).

 

I'll share this anecdote to make you laugh a little -an experience I had babysitting multiple kids in 1983 in a beautiful wealthy beach town where I was a mother's helper, live in.

 

I had my two kids - 5 and 2. Then the mom and dad went out with another couple and left their two kids -a 4 year old girl and 7 year old girl?? with me too (no they didn't pay me more which was ridiculous right? I was 16). Anyway, I was on the landline phone with my boyfriend I mean my summer romance I mean the house painter and keeping an eye on the kids who were supposed to be watching TV a few feet away from me. Hmm. So the siblings -who I only met that day -decided to have an argument. They came over to me. The older one holding a cup of orange juice. I was stupidly/teenage-y trying to keep talking to House Painter. And trying to talk to them to calm down.

 

Next thing I knew the older one poured the OJ over the younger girl's head. The younger girl cried. And peed on the floor. So now there's a puddle of pee and OJ on the kitchen floor. LOL. The parents apparently were not happy with me as I let all four kids fall asleep on the huge overstuffed couches/and on the carpet (the siblings were not sleeping over). I don't remember showering off the younger one so I guess her hair was sticky??

 

I love coffee. It helps me more for it's heat/relaxing to sip it than the caffeine -I get it I promise!! I hope your husband is home soon.

 

Also I watched a child's video on anxiety which was really helpful even to me -her name is Natasha Daniels and I like her tips (totally free -search it up on youtube if you like)

[maritalbliss86]

Yes -throw money at the problem! I like 4-7-8 breathing -Weil method -if I start to feel anxious and I find the pandemic situation makes me feel more anxious about dumb stuff generally (meaning dumb to me -not referring to the smartness or otherwise of what you are anxious about!).

 

I'll share this anecdote to make you laugh a little -an experience I had babysitting multiple kids in 1983 in a beautiful wealthy beach town where I was a mother's helper, live in.

 

I had my two kids - 5 and 2. Then the mom and dad went out with another couple and left their two kids -a 4 year old girl and 7 year old girl?? with me too (no they didn't pay me more which was ridiculous right? I was 16). Anyway, I was on the landline phone with my boyfriend I mean my summer romance I mean the house painter and keeping an eye on the kids who were supposed to be watching TV a few feet away from me. Hmm. So the siblings -who I only met that day -decided to have an argument. They came over to me. The older one holding a cup of orange juice. I was stupidly/teenage-y trying to keep talking to House Painter. And trying to talk to them to calm down.

 

Next thing I knew the older one poured the OJ over the younger girl's head. The younger girl cried. And peed on the floor. So now there's a puddle of pee and OJ on the kitchen floor. LOL. The parents apparently were not happy with me as I let all four kids fall asleep on the huge overstuffed couches/and on the carpet (the siblings were not sleeping over). I don't remember showering off the younger one so I guess her hair was sticky??

 

I love coffee. It helps me more for it's heat/relaxing to sip it than the caffeine -I get it I promise!! I hope your husband is home soon.

 

Also I watched a child's video on anxiety which was really helpful even to me -her name is Natasha Daniels and I like her tips (totally free -search it up on youtube if you like)

 

That is hilarious about the siblings, Batya, and how horrible they didn't pay you extra!!!! Two kids you aren't even used to plus the regular two would overwhelmed most 16 year olds I imagine.

 

Soooo funny about the orange juice though LOL I'm consistenly surprised with how immature kids are and funny....

 

The other day when we were all decorating, our 3 yr old girl decided to put a tiny thread of sparkly tinsle in the baby's hair. It actually looked adorable and he kept crawling around happily while it stuck there LOL!

 

But oldest decided it looked bad, told her it was trash and threw it away!!! She got enraged (I mean how dare he call her decor trash!) and fought with him and grabbed it back out of the trash.

 

I calmed them down and told him it was cute, wasn't hurting anyone and put it back on the happy baby's head.

 

DONE.

[Batya33]

That is hilarious about the siblings, Batya, and how horrible they didn't pay you extra!!!! Two kids you aren't even used to plus the regular two would overwhelmed most 16 year olds I imagine.

 

Soooo funny about the orange juice though LOL I'm consistenly surprised with how immature kids are and funny....

 

The other day when we were all decorating, our 3 yr old girl decided to put a tiny thread of sparkly tinsle in the baby's hair. It actually looked adorable and he kept crawling around happily while it stuck there LOL!

 

But oldest decided it looked bad, told her it was trash and threw it away!!! She got enraged (I mean how dare he call her decor trash!) and fought with him and grabbed it back out of the trash.

 

I calmed them down and told him it was cute, wasn't hurting anyone and put it back on the happy baby's head.

 

DONE.

 

LOL too funny. My son didn't put things in his mouth -might baby swallow the tinsly thing? Hope ok to ask/comment. It's never ending, right?

[maritalbliss86]

LOL too funny. My son didn't put things in his mouth -might baby swallow the tinsly thing? Hope ok to ask/comment. It's never ending, right?

 

You know he doesn't try to eat things like that, He does try to eat some things, but it's more stuff like the dog food, which we put up or watch. Babies are so interesting to me how they're all so different! Our Viking Child (the 5 yr old boy) never put anything bad in his mouth, really remarkable! He actually would throw things away, too, at a very very young age!!! We called him our OCD Cleaning baby (he gets that from me) .

 

And then our girl never put things in her mouth either, EXCEPT when outside... she would always try to eat dirt!!!! Very awkward!

 

But no, the tinsle just looked cute and stuck to his curly dark hair

[Batya33]

You know he doesn't try to eat things like that, He does try to eat some things, but it's more stuff like the dog food, which we put up or watch. Babies are so interesting to me how they're all so different! Our Viking Child (the 5 yr old boy) never put anything bad in his mouth, really remarkable! He actually would throw things away, too, at a very very young age!!! We called him our OCD Cleaning baby (he gets that from me) .

 

And then our girl never put things in her mouth either, EXCEPT when outside... she would always try to eat dirt!!!! Very awkward!

 

But no, the tinsle just looked cute and stuck to his curly dark hair

 

So cute! So this reminds me of a cute story. I found out I was pregnant on a Saturday morning many years ago now!. We'd planned to meet friends at the local zoo that afternoon- I'd met the wife before but never the husband and they now had an 8 month old son who I'd never met. Of course I wasn't going to announce I was pregnant -I'd called my parents and sister, that was it. So she let me hold her adorable son. And within a minute or so he started gnawing on my arm - no real teeth just mouthing it. My friend stared across the table "He's never done that!!!" and I thought to myself "obviously he knows I'm pregnant and is loving the pheromones!" Once I announced I am pretty sure I told her of my theory!

[maritalbliss86]

So cute! So this reminds me of a cute story. I found out I was pregnant on a Saturday morning many years ago now!. We'd planned to meet friends at the local zoo that afternoon- I'd met the wife before but never the husband and they now had an 8 month old son who I'd never met. Of course I wasn't going to announce I was pregnant -I'd called my parents and sister, that was it. So she let me hold her adorable son. And within a minute or so he started gnawing on my arm - no real teeth just mouthing it. My friend stared across the table "He's never done that!!!" and I thought to myself "obviously he knows I'm pregnant and is loving the pheromones!" Once I announced I am pretty sure I told her of my theory!

 

How funny! Aww cute babies

 

I have to say, kids bring me so much joy. After our kids are older, my husband and I have talked about fostering children, but we'll have to see, that's a long way off I think before we'd be able to handle that.

[Seraphim]

You know he doesn't try to eat things like that, He does try to eat some things, but it's more stuff like the dog food, which we put up or watch. Babies are so interesting to me how they're all so different! Our Viking Child (the 5 yr old boy) never put anything bad in his mouth, really remarkable! He actually would throw things away, too, at a very very young age!!! We called him our OCD Cleaning baby (he gets that from me) .

 

And then our girl never put things in her mouth either, EXCEPT when outside... she would always try to eat dirt!!!! Very awkward!

 

But no, the tinsle just looked cute and stuck to his curly dark hair

My son was like that he would throw everything out . I left some rings on my dresser and I didn’t know he threw them in the bedroom trash. And of course I took it out on trash day. :/

[maritalbliss86]

My son was like that he would throw everything out . I left some rings on my dresser and I didn’t know he threw them in the bedroom trash. And of course I took it out on trash day. :/

 

Yes, ours did that, too, with some of my earrings when he was maybe 2 or 3. He is very different sometimes than the other kids even now... he's more introverted and sensitive, has a few symptoms that have made me think he has maybe a very high functioning form of autism, but he's not diagnosed at all with that. I've often wondered if maybe he has a sensory processing disorder, but if he does, he's managing it really well!

 

He's extremely smart and I was a little worried how he'd do this year in Kinder, but he's advancing VERY fast and is already counting to 100, adding numbers all the way up to, and OVER 100... I use a Japanese curriculum for him right now and it's for ages 5-7 so he's doing first grade work and loving it. But I was worried because he just seems like he'd be more behind. It's hard to explain, but mentally, he's not where our oldest was when he was 5 granted our oldest is really gifted and already doing Physics and Chemistry (middle school level, sometimes high school) in only 5th grade.

 

I do not think it would be that easy for our 5 yr old though if he was in regular school. He gets a lot more time outside and to do art and crafts with me than our oldest got to do in his schools (he was in a gifted school for STEM kids for kinder and first, and then public school for a little while).

[Jibralta]

He is very different sometimes than the other kids even now... he's more introverted and sensitive, has a few symptoms that have made me think he has maybe a very high functioning form of autism, but he's not diagnosed at all with that. I've often wondered if maybe he has a sensory processing disorder, but if he does, he's managing it really well!

 

He's extremely smart and I was a little worried how he'd do this year in Kinder, but he's advancing VERY fast and is already counting to 100, adding numbers all the way up to, and OVER 100... I use a Japanese curriculum for him right now and it's for ages 5-7 so he's doing first grade work and loving it. But I was worried because he just seems like he'd be more behind. It's hard to explain, but mentally, he's not where our oldest was when he was 5 granted our oldest is really gifted and already doing Physics and Chemistry (middle school level, sometimes high school) in only 5th grade.

 

I do not think it would be that easy for our 5 yr old though if he was in regular school. He gets a lot more time outside and to do art and crafts with me than our oldest got to do in his schools (he was in a gifted school for STEM kids for kinder and first, and then public school for a little while).

 

My mom thought that about me when I was a little kid. She even took me for a psychiatric evaluation. I was diagnosed with ADHD, medicated, yada yada. I honestly think it was all much ado about nothing.

 

I was just smart in a different way. For example, I taught myself how to read and write. My parents found out when I drew a mouse on the wall (they were wallpapering--we were allowed), and wrote "Jibralta mad a mouse." I misspelled the word "made." I still remember the shock on their faces--they had no idea how I learned. My dad took a picture and everything. I also taught myself how to draw. People freaked out about how well I drew. I won all sorts of contests.

 

When I was in kindergarten, they called my mom in and asked her if she would let me skip first grade and go straight into second. I remember how excited she was about that. But she didn't let me skip a grade. That's probably for the best, as ultimately I did not do well in regular school. I wasn't a horrible student, but the pace was never "right" for me. For me, I think it would have been best if I was left to my own devices with a little guidance here and there when needed.

[Seraphim]

The Autistic community actual finds functioning labels troubling and hurtful to people . It doesn’t adequately describe the struggle of Autistic people .

[Batya33]

My mom thought that about me when I was a little kid. She even took me for a psychiatric evaluation. I was diagnosed with ADHD, medicated, yada yada. I honestly think it was all much ado about nothing.

 

I was just smart in a different way. For example, I taught myself how to read and write. My parents found out when I drew a mouse on the wall (they were wallpapering--we were allowed), and wrote "Jibralta mad a mouse." I misspelled the word "made." I still remember the shock on their faces--they had no idea how I learned. My dad took a picture and everything. I also taught myself how to draw. People freaked out about how well I drew. I won all sorts of contests.

 

When I was in kindergarten, they called my mom in and asked her if she would let me skip first grade and go straight into second. I remember how excited she was about that. But she didn't let me skip a grade. That's probably for the best, as ultimately I did not do well in regular school. I wasn't a horrible student, but the pace was never "right" for me. For me, I think it would have been best if I was left to my own devices with a little guidance here and there when needed.

 

You and I are around the same age I think and when I was that age skipping was a lot more commonplace. So I skipped first because I was way too ahead in reading/language arts (but on level for math) - it was a mistake. Second grade was not right for me as far as social/emotional plus I was so short. I got left back in third when I switched religious private schools and that was probably for the best.

 

I think I taught myself to read and write at age 3 -but including "myself" my then 8 year old sister would "teach me" to read and wrote me little books so I always remember it as my sister teaching me to read. I love reading. I was always a bookworm. I married a math genius which is probably good since I still do not like math (unless it's about counting calories and all that related silly diet stuff which I was too good at as a teenager/young 20s)

[Jibralta]

I think my time came about 10 years after yours (I'm 43), and people were counselling my mom against it for the exact reasons that you list. I would have been out of my league socially and emotionally. I was kind of bummed out, because I really wanted to skip a grade. But, it was probably for the best. I knew a kid in high school who had skipped a grade at some point, and that poor kid really struggles socially.

 

As for reading, there was no older child around to help me learn. I just opened the TV guide or whatever I could find, and tried sounding things out with the letters that I knew. So, my parents were floored.

[Seraphim]

My mom thought that about me when I was a little kid. She even took me for a psychiatric evaluation. I was diagnosed with ADHD, medicated, yada yada. I honestly think it was all much ado about nothing.

 

I was just smart in a different way. For example, I taught myself how to read and write. My parents found out when I drew a mouse on the wall (they were wallpapering--we were allowed), and wrote "Jibralta mad a mouse." I misspelled the word "made." I still remember the shock on their faces--they had no idea how I learned. My dad took a picture and everything. I also taught myself how to draw. People freaked out about how well I drew. I won all sorts of contests.

 

When I was in kindergarten, they called my mom in and asked her if she would let me skip first grade and go straight into second. I remember how excited she was about that. But she didn't let me skip a grade. That's probably for the best, as ultimately I did not do well in regular school. I wasn't a horrible student, but the pace was never "right" for me. For me, I think it would have been best if I was left to my own devices with a little guidance here and there when needed.

My husband was diagnosed with ADHD at 30. His parents REFUSED to consider it when he was young although his school had been talking to them since Kindergarten.

[Jibralta]

My husband was diagnosed with ADHD at 30. His parents REFUSED to consider it when he was young although his school had been talking to them since Kindergarten.

 

I feel ambivalently about it, to be honest.

[maritalbliss86]

My mom thought that about me when I was a little kid. She even took me for a psychiatric evaluation. I was diagnosed with ADHD, medicated, yada yada. I honestly think it was all much ado about nothing.

 

I was just smart in a different way. For example, I taught myself how to read and write. My parents found out when I drew a mouse on the wall (they were wallpapering--we were allowed), and wrote "Jibralta mad a mouse." I misspelled the word "made." I still remember the shock on their faces--they had no idea how I learned. My dad took a picture and everything. I also taught myself how to draw. People freaked out about how well I drew. I won all sorts of contests.

 

When I was in kindergarten, they called my mom in and asked her if she would let me skip first grade and go straight into second. I remember how excited she was about that. But she didn't let me skip a grade. That's probably for the best, as ultimately I did not do well in regular school. I wasn't a horrible student, but the pace was never "right" for me. For me, I think it would have been best if I was left to my own devices with a little guidance here and there when needed.

 

Yes it really could jsut be the adorable way he is! I'm fine with it, although it's hard when I can tell he struggles with things like basic communication (sometimes).

 

But he's come a lonnng way and he really IS smart in just a lot of surprising ways (he draws amazing, too!). I think everyone is probably a little different in lots of ways, we're just hyper-focused on it as a society (at least in the US it seems).

[maritalbliss86]

I'm against medicating kids... unless it's truly needed, which I'm sure maybe there are some cases probably that actually need it.

 

But my brother was medicated for most of his childhood for ADD and there's so much research that has come out since that has proven it can damage the brain and cause all kinds of lifelong mood disorders.

 

Now he has schizophrenia, and I'm not sure if it was genetic (there's only one person way way back that it possibly could have come from and even that is kind of sketchy because no one knows what they had), or if it could have been because his brain was damaged from being drugged so many years. Either way, it's like a curse he has to live with now.

 

He's doing well with it currently, but sometimes he's not... and we have no idea what the future holds.

 

Either way, I'm not risking putting our kids on meds just to, "survive," school environments... they tried with our oldest to say he was ADD, but it's very wrong. He's just extremely smart and talented and needs more physical activity than their 20 minute recess each day.

 

Edited to add - Plus my brother, personally, he hates that he was medicated, so that's also effected me, seeing someone's firsthand bad experience with that. He said it made him like a zombie all throughout his adolescence and made it to where he couldn't relate to any of his peers socially. He has a lot of anger at being medicated that long and has had to try to process all that loss of a normal childhood.

[maritalbliss86]

The Autistic community actual finds functioning labels troubling and hurtful to people . It doesn’t adequately describe the struggle of Autistic people .

 

I'm so sorry, Seraphim, I really don't know how else to describe him. I've read through your journal on your son's diagnosis and the things he does, and I saw so many comparisons with our son.

 

His yearly doctor checkup is coming up and I'll ask them about all the things that I've seen and see what our dr. says.

[dias]

That's probably for the best, as ultimately I did not do well in regular school. I wasn't a horrible student, but the pace was never "right" for me. For me, I think it would have been best if I was left to my own devices with a little guidance here and there when needed.

 

Have you heard of Montessori education and schools?

https://montessori-nw.org/about-montessori-education#:~:text=Montessori%20is%20a%20method%20of,activities%20to%20guide%20the%20process.

 

It would have been the best choice for me as a kid. It seems it would have been for you too. MB have you considered it for your kids?

[Jibralta]

But my brother was medicated for most of his childhood for ADD and there's so much research that has come out since that has proven it can damage the brain and cause all kinds of lifelong mood disorders.

 

Now he has schizophrenia, and I'm not sure if it was genetic (there's only one person way way back that it possibly could have come from and even that is kind of sketchy because no one knows what they had), or if it could have been because his brain was damaged from being drugged so many years. Either way, it's like a curse he has to live with now.

 

WOW! Imagine if there was a correlation?

 

Fortunately for me, my mom did not keep me medicated for long. She was uncomfortable with the idea. Also, she learned that the drug they gave me, Ritalin, was still experimental at that time. So, my medicated phase of life was very brief. My mom put me on a sugar-free diet to keep my energy down and 'help me concentrate.' I put that in quotes because I really have no trouble concentrating--when I'm INTERESTED in something!!

 

Either way, I'm not risking putting our kids on meds just to, "survive," school environments... they tried with our oldest to say he was ADD, but it's very wrong. He's just extremely smart and talented and needs more physical activity than their 20 minute recess each day.

 

I'm with you on that all the way! Boy, do I have opinions....

[Jibralta]

Have you heard of Montessori education and schools?

https://montessori-nw.org/about-montessori-education#:~:text=Montessori%20is%20a%20method%20of,activities%20to%20guide%20the%20process.

 

It would have been the best choice for me as a kid. It seems it would have been for you too. MB have you considered it for your kids?

 

Yes, I was actually musing about those as I was writing. I think I would have done well in a place like that.

 

MB is homeschooling her kids, so she is kind of like her own Montessori school.

[LaHermes]

The younger kids (nephews/nieces) in our family/families all went to Montessori, and did very well thereafter. They moved on from Montessori to primary school without difficulty, and on to college. Stable, well-rounded and resilient. Of course, their parenting would also have played a large part in who they are now.

Montessori is rather expensive.