I got ghosted - why?

[Capricorn3]

For me talking about things helps me move on from them. Being able to talk about issues is literally the point of this forum.

 

Of course. I'm not saying you shouldn't post. Not at all. I was thinking more in terms of " .... it happened. It was crappy, but I can't change it. Agonising over it only causes more anger and hurt so best to let it go and move on to better things" etc etc. Basically saying, for your own mental health, let it go.

[Batya33]

I don't think he lead you on at all. I think it's possible you were dishonest with yourself because you got more attached to him because you chose to have sex with him and then chose to believe that his sweet words meant that he wanted to potentially be in a serious relationship with you. He might have seen potential then changed his mind. I don't think he disappeared. He responded just not with what showed interest in seeing you again or being with you potentially in a relationship.

 

I agree that too much talking/overanalyzing will have the opposite result. One of the main reasons I was able to continue becoming the right person to find the right person is because I rarely felt cynical about men - for a few hours here and there after a bad date or bad interaction. A few hours. I moved on because I wanted to find the right person to marry and not run out of time to have a child -or have the chance to at least.

I dated on and off for 24 years including through online sites.

 

For the most part I was treated with respect and like a lady but my expectations were that silence = lack of interest - my expectations were if there was no future date planned and we weren't exclusive there was no future date.

 

I chose not to have sex outside of an exclusive committed relationship after months of knowing someone and after we fell in love and saw strong potential for the future. Except once. I slept with a boyfriend after 6-7 weeks and we promised to be exclusive (first time doing that -conditioning sex on exclusivity -mistake !) - he never really fell in love with me and ended things after 5 months. That was a mistake because I went against my own values. I never ever thought he lead me on and he said lots of sweet words. I didn't not believe him just waited to see actions over a longer period of time.

I was always bluntly honest with myself and I knew that I got more attached through sex and that was a main reason I waited other than that exception. Just offering my perspective. You do you! Sorry you are disappointed in how this worked out.

 

Also I kept emailing and messaging to a minimum (I dated many men with cell phones but I didn't have one until my last trimester lol) - we spoke by phone regularly but not all day and saw each other regularly if we could. I avoided dating men I didn't know who couldn't see me regularly. I got to know people in person and that decreased the fantasy aspects and focus on words over actions.