Long Gone Posted October 9, 2020 Author Share Posted October 9, 2020 The weather has changed....rain tomorrow. Hike postponed to Sunday, so it's not too bad. I've been continuing to have an enjoyable interaction with 'J' on the dating site. I'm probably going to suggest we meet as I don't want to get stuck in just messaging back and forth. I've also been busy putting up 'post it' notes with various short 'self esteem/self confidence' phrases around the house.....its amazing how powerful they are. I googled for inspiration, but my favourites are 'self confidence is the best outfit' and 'you are amazing, and a crush not being interested will never change that fact'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 Send me your lost weight! I have lost 26 pounds due to anxiety and desperately would like to "find" them. Good job on the weight loss. Just remember, food is not a reward so don't get into the bad habit of "treating" yourself. Buy yourself something nice instead (new clothes?)! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 9, 2020 Author Share Posted October 9, 2020 Send me your lost weight! I have lost 26 pounds due to anxiety and desperately would like to "find" them. Good job on the weight loss. Just remember, food is not a reward so don't get into the bad habit of "treating" yourself. Buy yourself something nice instead (new clothes?)! You'd be most welcome to the 75 + pounds I plan to lose if you want it! Its amazing how my relationship to food has changed. I was an emotional eater, but since I've started the ozempic injections, that desire has gone. I'm just not hungry. I'm probably not eating enough hence the weight loss, but I'm feeling fairly energetic and good about myself. New clothes is a brilliant idea, and ties in with the whole self confidence/new me. New jeans and jumpers are a must......it is nice feeling positive about yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted October 9, 2020 Share Posted October 9, 2020 It's especially good when the new clothes are a size or two smaller than your previous size! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 10, 2020 Author Share Posted October 10, 2020 It's especially good when the new clothes are a size or two smaller than your previous size! My hoody I bought back in August which was tighter than I'd have liked, is now really baggy, I am also having to wear a belt in my work trousers too! Its all very positive and I suspect by the end of this month, I'll be nearing 3 stone in weight loss (42 pounds). I did what I set out to do today, and clear a small chest of draws from the living room. There was stuff in there from 30 years ago, of my Grandad and Grandma's (for those who do not know, I was brought up by them). I found piano music of my Dad's (Grandad)...Chopin, which was his favourite. It made me cry seeing them again, but I can't hang on to them and now is the time to let them go, so they are destined for the charity shop. It's been a positive experience I think overall, its my time to be independent and not rely on the memories of the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 10, 2020 Author Share Posted October 10, 2020 With this site's limited upload allowance (understandably) I've set up a separate flickr account to share photos of my hikes and other stuff. So this is where I am off to tomorrow. I'm starting at the village in the middle right of the photo, and up that track that then disappears behind the trees. From there I continue to climb and then cut across to the small valley on the left. I then begin the climb to the top of the valley and then come back along the top of the hill in the centre of the photograph, before rejoining the track I started on. In total, it will be 7 miles. DSC05278 by Dales Boy, on Flickr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 11, 2020 Author Share Posted October 11, 2020 Gorgeous morning here. Blue sky galore! Hoping it stays like that, but at least it is going to be dry for the hike. I've started practicing 'mindfulness', as I had read it can aide building self esteem (and general well being). Had a 5 minute session last night and 2 minutes before I got out of bed this morning. Certainly has helped my positivity. Catch you all later x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 11, 2020 Author Share Posted October 11, 2020 Well, we had an amazing afternoon. Total walked 7 miles, and in total only saw three people. We lost the sun about an hour into the walk but it was at least dry. Sunday Adventure by Dales Boy, on Flickr Lass enjoyed herself! Sunday Adventure by Dales Boy, on Flickr Sunday Adventure by Dales Boy, on Flickr Shameless selfie, helps chart my weight loss at least. Sunday Adventure by Dales Boy, on Flickr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 Well, after such a great day yesterday...... I'm not feeling great this morning. 'C' has never been in touch about this week's 'coffee'. I've no intention of chasing it up, that's my old codependent self and I'm not going down that route. To be honest I've sort of accepted it, and I'm just happy this short 'crush' has shown after three years I'm moving on. First thing this morning I messaged 'J' as I hadn't heard back from her. The fact she took three weeks to reply to my initial dating site message had suspected she might be flakey. She always opens the message (I receive an email when messages are opened) and replies straight away.......she hasn't today, so I think the 'writing is on the wall' with that one. Suck it up, move on and try not to take it personally (which is something I tend to do......I'm fighting that feeling). The big thing this morning that has knocked me, is receiving a FB message from an ex friend regarding a post I made in his FB group, He sent me a long patronising messaged saying I 'lacked manners'.... I've replied, left the group and asked him not to message me again. Tried practicing some mindfulness this morning, but it's not really working this morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 New Covid rules coming into enforcement in the UK. I feel physically sick and I know this is me being incredibly selfish. With everything I mentioned this morning, I feel I'm going back to square one. I've just started crying.....everything is feeling incredibly pointless now. I dread the thought of not seeing anyone anymore, after pushing myself to get out and meet people. Everything is starting to feel pointless, I never wanted to feel like this again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 Your pictures are incredible, truly. You are so lucky to live where you do and to be able to walk like that. I am envious. Your dog as well is beautiful, she looks very soft. I wished I had wise words to help you stop from feeling like you do, but unfortunately, Covid is kicking everyone's butt this year, in some way, and I am sorry that it's doing it to you right now. I don't know of one person that doesn't wish this was over. All we can do is hang in there (I know, sounds so crap), but hang in there anyhow. Focus on what you have, instead of what you don't have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 Well, after such a great day yesterday...... I'm not feeling great this morning. 'C' has never been in touch about this week's 'coffee'. I've no intention of chasing it up, that's my old codependent self and I'm not going down that route. To be honest I've sort of accepted it, and I'm just happy this short 'crush' has shown after three years I'm moving on. First thing this morning I messaged 'J' as I hadn't heard back from her. The fact she took three weeks to reply to my initial dating site message had suspected she might be flakey. She always opens the message (I receive an email when messages are opened) and replies straight away.......she hasn't today, so I think the 'writing is on the wall' with that one. Suck it up, move on and try not to take it personally (which is something I tend to do......I'm fighting that feeling). The big thing this morning that has knocked me, is receiving a FB message from an ex friend regarding a post I made in his FB group, He sent me a long patronising messaged saying I 'lacked manners'.... I've replied, left the group and asked him not to message me again. Tried practicing some mindfulness this morning, but it's not really working this morning. Yikes! Triple whammy! LOL. You live in such a beautiful area. I'm so jealous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 New Covid rules coming into enforcement in the UK. I feel physically sick and I know this is me being incredibly selfish. With everything I mentioned this morning, I feel I'm going back to square one. I've just started crying.....everything is feeling incredibly pointless now. I dread the thought of not seeing anyone anymore, after pushing myself to get out and meet people. Everything is starting to feel pointless, I never wanted to feel like this again. You listed three negative things that happened, and I'm sure that's what's making you feel like this. But surely these aren't the only three things that happened today. I remember a point in my life where I felt terrible all the time. Nothing seemed to go right for me. Only bad things seemed to happen to me. At one point I realized that I avoided my own eyes in the mirror, and that was scary. I forced myself to find one good thing that happened every day. When I started doing that, I realized that there was never a day where I couldn't find one good thing. There was always something good, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it was. Recognizing it made it significant. And that did help to make me feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 Thank you both of you. I was about managing with the earlier things, it was the covid rules that really knocked me. The ex friend decided to message me through my FB page just now (as I'd blocked them). Basically commented how they had tried to help me over the years and then went on to say how they now understand why I do what I do and its why they 'indulged me for so long'. We had had disagreements before, and I'd backed down every time. This is the first time I've really stood back up to them, but I'm left feeling crap. I fully hold my hands up for not being perfect in the friendship, but I refuse to be made to feel like crap by others. On the back of his comments I want to message back, but I think it's ultimately better to let it go. Might practice some mindfulness to help keep me positive right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 Just having a read of this: https://www.wisemushroom.com/how-to-overcome-emotional-dependency/ It has reminded me what a long journey I'm going to have to go on. I think thoughts of any sort of relationship need to be put aside for the time being. This is going to be hard, as I know I still have this deep longing to be loved/happy. I'm going to start listing what I have to be positive about and see if it helps: Health/weightloss I own my home I'm working I live in a beautiful part of the world I have a fantastic companion in my border collie I have some good friends to be able to talk to Its now seeing my way through how I can feel 'happy', without the need to have a 'crush' on someone, or without the need of things to prop me up. I know why I felt so positive last week..... it was because I thought I'd be going for a 'coffee' with 'C' and 'J' was messaging me on a dating site. I felt to some extent 'wanted'/'needed'. I do feel like I'm back at step one, and it is a case of reevaluating how to be truly happy, on your own......and right now, that is something I desire more than any relationship with a woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 Had a very positive counselling session tonight. I said how I felt I'd gone back to square 1 this morning, to which my counsellor made the point I hadn't. An example being this with 'C'. 'C' had said yes to a Coffee for this week (she emailed back a week last Sunday), I had replied last Tuesday saying days I could do and added my mobile number......'C' has never replied. She had seemed very positive about a coffee. The old me would have chased her up by now asking if she had received the email. I'd made the decision not to message her, the ball is in her court and I'm not going to chase and pester. My counsellor said this is a good example of the 'inner adult' taking control. It has left me feeling a touch empowered. I am hoping 'C' may get in touch, she seems a decent honest person and not the type to just ignore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 12, 2020 Author Share Posted October 12, 2020 Helping the positivity, I'm planning another hike on Saturday, starting early morning. Not far from the last one, but over a different route! Another from Sunday Sunday Adventure by Dales Boy, on Flickr From the highest part of the route Sunday Adventure by Dales Boy, on Flickr Plus a selfie (sorry it's so big!).....useful reference for weight loss. Sunday Adventure by Dales Boy, on Flickr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted October 12, 2020 Share Posted October 12, 2020 Absolutely stunning scenery!! Beautiful!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 13, 2020 Author Share Posted October 13, 2020 New day, positive thoughts.....here goes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 13, 2020 Author Share Posted October 13, 2020 Today is going well. Enjoying myself although it is a long day. ‘C’ is on my mind. It was today she suggested after teaching for coffee and was very positive ‘that would be lovely’ being her words. However she never replied to my email from last week suggesting times and alternative days as I finish an hour and half after her tonight. I was just going to let it go, but that voice inside is suggesting to email to ask if she received my last email? One side is saying no, you are being codependent, the other is saying she might not have got your email, drop her a quick message. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 13, 2020 Author Share Posted October 13, 2020 I’ve sent a reply. Talked to a colleague and asked her advice and she pointed out I’d nothing to lose. Hand on heart, it wasn’t because I’m desperate to meet, I just didn’t want her thinking I’d ignored her if she’d never received my email. It’s done now anyway and if I don’t get another reply then I know at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian4996 Posted October 13, 2020 Share Posted October 13, 2020 Good hiking pics! Are you in the Yorkshire Dales? Wondered if that's where the Dales part of your username comes from Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 13, 2020 Author Share Posted October 13, 2020 Good hiking pics! Are you in the Yorkshire Dales? Wondered if that's where the Dales part of your username comes from Tops mark Ian! I don’t think anyone had twigged my user name. Yes, after I was dumped and first joined this site I threw myself into the Yorkshire Dales, very lucky to call it home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted October 13, 2020 Author Share Posted October 13, 2020 So...... coffee is still go with 'C'. Had an apologetic email from her, and she asked if I can do Monday. I'm going to rearrange some teaching so it fits (as I don't normally teach Monday). With half term holiday approaching and us not in lockdown, I don't want to miss the opportunity. I've just replied asking what time and made a suggestion on a venue. See what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian4996 Posted October 13, 2020 Share Posted October 13, 2020 Reason I ask is that there's some really good 20's / 30's hiking groups round Yorkshire. There's a big Leeds ramblers group and a big Sheffield ramblers group. I've been out walking with the Leeds group once myself and found them to be a really good group. Great for getting to know new people, including women. Thought they might interest you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.