Long Gone Posted November 1, 2020 Author Share Posted November 1, 2020 I only brought it up because several times you've written that you "treated" yourself to a high calorie food as a reward. So it seems you still view food that way, not as something you need to survive but something that makes you feel good. I love food too, but I learned (when I was heavier) that I had to view it as a means of survival rather than a prize for good behavior. And to only eat when I'm hungry, not as a form of entertainment when I'm bored or just because there's something good in the fridge or pantry. That's a fair point.....old thought patterns die hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted November 1, 2020 Share Posted November 1, 2020 That's a fair point.....old thought patterns die hard. Just remind yourself next time you think "I deserve a reward! I'm going to the donut shop/fish and chips shop/burger place for a treat!" that it would interfere with your goal. If you really want food as a reward, how about a delicious frozen yogurt or fruit smoothie? Without the high calorie toppings or add ons, of course. I love frozen yogurt bars, they are yummy and are low calorie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 1, 2020 Author Share Posted November 1, 2020 Just remind yourself next time you think "I deserve a reward! I'm going to the donut shop/fish and chips shop/burger place for a treat!" that it would interfere with your goal. If you really want food as a reward, how about a delicious frozen yogurt or fruit smoothie? Without the high calorie toppings or add ons, of course. I love frozen yogurt bars, they are yummy and are low calorie. I definitely like the idea of clothes as a reward/treat. Well, a touch of nostalgia tonight. Just watched Disney's 'Beauty and the Beast' (the original 1991 animation, I'm not a fan of the live action version). I'm not afraid to say I always enjoyed the Disney classics growing up, and Beauty and the Beast was always a favourite.....rightly or wrongly I've always associated myself with Beast. Even now at the age of 35, the film hasn't lost any of its magic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 Popcorn without any butter but maybe a bit of salt for taste, is low in calories and will help satisfy cravings. Dark chocolate is good too, obviously in smaller amounts, but still good. Fruit of any kind can give you the sweet taste that you might crave and yes, it is tough to go from high sugar (like from cakes, etc) to natural sugar. But you can get your body used to it, and even enjoy it! There are many very, very nice meals that are low calorie but will truly satisfy. Just check out cooking sites and recipes. Then plan a weekend of going out to get the ingredients and make one of the recipes...you will not only feel accomplished but you will be shocked over how good some of the lower calorie meals really can be! Part of losing weight is changing the mindset of seeing food as a reward. Yes, food can be enjoyable, but it's meant more for nutritional value and to help make our bodies run to it's optimum. That being said, putting healthy food into your body makes so much more sense and not undoing all your hard work by gorging on high calorie, high sugar as reward. Keep in mind that there is such a thing as being addicted to higher calorie food and sugar. And yes, when you wean or go off of both, you will have withdrawals. BUT they will go away if you keep on and stick to the healthy choices. Bolt has a great idea of changing the reward to an item of clothing or another purchase that will make you happy, but that is not food. It will take time. I think for me, stopping all the bad food and loads of sugar, was like losing a best friend being as I comfort ate and had been taught that at a young age. When I felt bad it was always, 'eat a chocolate bar, or have a bowl of ice cream, and it will make you feel better', except that way of thinking is what has caused an obesity problem in our world today. You're doing awesome, Tom. It's also okay to have slip ups, in fact, it's to be expected. Losing weight and keeping in shape is hard! Just get back on track as soon as you can. Cheering you on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 delicious frozen yogurt or fruit smoothie Yes! More excellent suggestions! Try both out, they really are quite nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 Sorry for my recent absence and thank you for the recent contributions. I've just not felt like posting. The positive news is I'm now under 20 stone, as of this morning I weigh 19 stone 12 (278 pounds), so that is a total of over three stone I've lost (43 pounds). I've been feeling rather flat though, and yes it is 'C' related. I don't need to go into details, but I'm about to try my last throw of the dice....and after that, I'm letting it go and moving on. I've not been thinking about myself enough (even if I've been telling myself I am). I still find it hard to love the fat covered me and that is going to take a lot of work. I rewatched Disney's Beauty and the Beast (the original) and all I kept thinking was 'I am the beast', and ultimately still feel unloveable. I've a lot of work to do.....alot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 It's actually good that you're facing your feelings instead of drowning them with food. You will learn healthier and more productive ways to deal with life's disappointments and setbacks. I think trying to get this thing to work with "C" is actually bringing you down rather than lifting you up. Please see my signature line Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 I think trying to get this thing to work with "C" is actually bringing you down rather than lifting you up. Please see my signature line Very true. Ultimately that little boy inside wants to feel loved still......... start my new therapy a week tomorrow which is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 Very true. Ultimately that little boy inside wants to feel loved still......... start my new therapy a week tomorrow which is good. And that's fine, but chasing after "love" with someone who's pretty clearly demonstrated she isn't quite on the same page as you is counterproductive. It will cause you to feel worse when the person doesn't love you back. Dust yourself off, realize you're a pretty cool guy, and focus on those who are giving you positive feedback. Forget about the chase. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 And that's fine, but chasing after "love" with someone who's pretty clearly demonstrated she isn't quite on the same page as you is counterproductive. It will cause you to feel worse when the person doesn't love you back. Dust yourself off, realize you're a pretty cool guy, and focus on those who are giving you positive feedback. Forget about the chase. Thanks for this. I think I've never been someone attracted to any woman like some men are, and as she was the first person I'd been drawn to in 3 years (physically and personality), I almost felt like 'It must work'. I think the bigger issue here is that I've hidden away for a long time and not 'met people'. I've sent her a message tonight offering to help her set up teaching online during this lockdown. She's made the decision to move online, while I'm still teaching in schools. If she accepts it great, and if not....never mind. Ultimately though, I'm fed up with the situation (and her lack of replying to messages...or taking an age) and I'm ready to move on. That's not a dig at her directly, she is who she is and thats fine, but the situation and as you say 'the chase' is not for me. I'm worth far more than some man desperately trying to grab a woman's attention. Focus on my weight loss and me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 And you hardly know this woman. When I was younger and fairly newly single I felt bold and confident, so if I met a man I liked I told him so. I would say "I think it would be fun to get together sometime. Would you like my number?" Many times the man wasn't interested or was already involved with someone. But I figured, last week I didn't even know this guy existed, so why be all upset if he doesn't like me back? And I am no beauty queen, trust me. But I think I'm cool. You should think you're cool, too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 And you hardly know this woman. When I was younger and fairly newly single I felt bold and confident, so if I met a man I liked I told him so. I would say "I think it would be fun to get together sometime. Would you like my number?" Many times the man wasn't interested or was already involved with someone. But I figured, last week I didn't even know this guy existed, so why be all upset if he doesn't like me back? And I am no beauty queen, trust me. But I think I'm cool. You should think you're cool, too Haha! Love your attitude! I think it's that 'confidence' I lack, although I've done far better than I usually would in this situation. You make a good point, I hardly know this woman....and that is true. We spent two hours together, but thats all..... Although we are in lockdown from tomorrow, we are still able to exercise, so I have a hike planned for Saturday morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 4, 2020 Author Share Posted November 4, 2020 Thought for the evening. I’m worth far more than someone desperate for crumbs being dropped from the table! Night folks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 5, 2020 Author Share Posted November 5, 2020 So today the UK went into a four week lockdown. I've thankfully been able to teach as normal, which I really appreciate being able to get out and see pupils and colleagues. However, I wont be seeing my neighbours in an evening while the lockdown is on, it isn't fair on them with me working in schools while the current restrictions are on. I have to admit, the thought of not seeing people in an evening has knocked me a little tonight. However I am lucky to live in one of the UK National Parks, and I have a hike planned for Saturday morning. There are many who aren't in a position to get out in the Yorkshire Dales like I can, so for that I'm very grateful. As for 'C'...... I've never heard back...I suspect I will, but the damage is done for me. Rightly or wrongly I'm annoyed..... I feel embarrassed that I've tried to get to know her and put my self out there. I was ready to accept rejection, but the long windedness of her replies, especially on the last which was a genuine wish to help her get started teaching online (as I knew she wasn't keen on the idea, not having much experience). Last night I did get a little emotional when I spoke aloud to myself, 'how can two people both fall in love with each other and have the same feelings for each other'..... it is still something I can not understand. I admire all those who have met that special someone. Perhaps its just my pride that feels hurt. Anyhow, its time to move on. I'm doing well working on myself, and I wont let someone or 'covid' alter my trajectory of self healing, weightless and confidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 5, 2020 Author Share Posted November 5, 2020 A reminder from last Friday's walk around Ennerdale, in the Lake District. I honestly think that if there was one place on this planet my heart belonged.....it is here. IMG_8699 (2) by Dales Boy, on Flickr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 Wow...breathtaking..... so so gorgeous and you are so lucky to live where you do. About covid and lockdowns.....sometimes I think that the silver lining is that it is forcing many many people to learn to live with themselves and find peace within themselves. As for C....I think you need to reframe that. You were friendly, aka decent human being, and welcomed someone new. That's neither putting yourself out there nor not. When you do something nice, you really shouldn't expect an ROI. Do it because you want to, no catch, no strings attached. If that leads to a person reciprocating, bonus. If it doesn't...you were just being a good person and that alone should be enough satisfaction. Don't do the whole ulterior motives thing because that's a road to bitterness and resentment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 5, 2020 Author Share Posted November 5, 2020 Wow...breathtaking..... so so gorgeous and you are so lucky to live where you do. About covid and lockdowns.....sometimes I think that the silver lining is that it is forcing many many people to learn to live with themselves and find peace within themselves. As for C....I think you need to reframe that. You were friendly, aka decent human being, and welcomed someone new. That's neither putting yourself out there nor not. When you do something nice, you really shouldn't expect an ROI. Do it because you want to, no catch, no strings attached. If that leads to a person reciprocating, bonus. If it doesn't...you were just being a good person and that alone should be enough satisfaction. Don't do the whole ulterior motives thing because that's a road to bitterness and resentment. A very nice way of putting it DF. I suppose I just feel bad as I was attracted to her. Would I have gone to this effort for a male colleague, probably not. Hopefully my new therapy sessions can help with this. Perhaps there is some emotional immaturity on my part. I should want to help people anyway, regardless of attraction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 6, 2020 Author Share Posted November 6, 2020 Well, today has been good. I'm now on a fourth day teaching (which is great) and I generally enjoyed it. Two new starters learning the violin (both around 7 years old) and it was great to see such enthusiasm after a couple of lessons. It's given me some time to reflect on things, and I think a major step forward in my own personal journey (I'd be interested what you guys think). I've still heard nothing from 'C' which is fine, I might hear something, I might not. I do not intend to chase her any more and wont be suggesting any further 'social' meets. If I hear back and she suggests we meet up after lockdown, I may consider it, but only if it works for me and doesn't interfere with other commitments. That in itself is a big positive step for me (as I'd always been someone who'd do anything for someone I had feelings for). Ultimately, I know I'm worthy of love, respect and care. I do not intend to chase for the sake of someone I do not really know, and lower my standards to such. I've been there, done that and felt pretty worthless. Tomorrow I'm out hiking early with the border collie! Let's see where our adventure takes us (and yes that is where we are heading!) DSC03432 (2) by Dales Boy, on Flickr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dias Posted November 6, 2020 Share Posted November 6, 2020 Wow, great photo. What a place, Lord of the Rings was filmed there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 6, 2020 Author Share Posted November 6, 2020 Wow, great photo. What a place, Lord of the Rings was filmed there? Ha, not quite but I see what you mean. Wrong hemisphere (Lord of the Rings was filmed in New Zealand). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 7, 2020 Author Share Posted November 7, 2020 Thick fog this morning, but we aren't bothered! 5 miles of hiking beckons....hopefully on the top of the fells (hills) we can see above the clouds! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted November 7, 2020 Share Posted November 7, 2020 I love the fog. I think I love all weather, tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaHermes Posted November 7, 2020 Share Posted November 7, 2020 What a terrific photo DB. And what an extraordinarily beautiful place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gone Posted November 7, 2020 Author Share Posted November 7, 2020 I love the fog. I think I love all weather, tbh. I think I'm with you Jibralta. I actually enjoyed the first bit of the walk where we were walking through it. Beautifully eerie! Untitled by Dales Boy, on Flickr Untitled by Dales Boy, on Flickr Once we got on the tops though, the views were stunning with the valley covered in a blanket of cloud/fog. Untitled by Dales Boy, on Flickr Untitled by Dales Boy, on Flickr Honestly one of the best hikes we have done, ultimately though......I was happy. Loved being where we were, who I was with and who I am. A brilliant day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaHermes Posted November 7, 2020 Share Posted November 7, 2020 Amazing DB. So atmospheric. You ever thought of presenting the photo with the moss-covered walls to the Countryfile photo competition? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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