shorty20 Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Here's something I wrote when going through a break up with my ex... just thought I'd put it out here and see what you guys think... Feelings jumbled up My heart starts to race Can't sit still Forward and backward I pace No going back Only forward can I go No telling what's up ahead Only future could know No going back To the person I used to be No going back And maybe one day you'll see Why I had to leave Why I couldn't stay But until that day I'll cross my heart and pray That you won't hate me For leaving without a trace But you've got to understand I couldn't stand to see your face When I would have to tell All the things I'd done When I had to explain How the lies had begun I'm sorry that I hurt you I'm sorry that I lied And I'm so so sorry For every night you cried I wish I could take it back I wish I could make things new But I know in my heart I never deserved you You'll find someone better To sleep with at night You'll find someone better Who can love you right And even though I'm leaving I'll carry you in my heart And we'll always be together Even though we'll be apart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 wow. I just posted my poem and now I wish I hadnt. I feel intimidated. Seriously, that was so good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shorty20 Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 thankyou! I'm sure urs was great too... the only time I can actually write is when i'm overwhelmed with feelings, whether it's happiness or anger... anyone else have that problem?? I guess i just use it as a form of venting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Inspirition is channeled thru feelings all the time. That's the only way to write, in my opinion: from your feelings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shorty20 Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 i can't believe that you are only 14! You are so much more mature than I was at 14. I love your writing too... don't ever stop. It's a great way to vent and get your feelings out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueangel Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Depressions seem to mature you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caesium Posted May 17, 2005 Share Posted May 17, 2005 Depressions seem to mature you Never really thought about it, but i guess that's true actually. Great poem, and yea i have that problem i can only write wen im in an emotional state of mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForAnother Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 I kinda disagree with the "depression" comment. I think it makes you blind to another side of something. Perhaps you think more and attempt to reason more, but actually you aren't succeeding. You are failing to rise up and deal with the occasion and move on. So to me its more or less naive. But anywho, I read all 3 of your poems. They all seem to aim at the same subject, but some bap the idea on the nose so hard, that there are lines that are unnecessary. You have good flow, try to be more oblique about your subject perhaps. Its simply a suggestion tho (btw I don't consider myself any kind of poet, so perhaps I have no clue what I amtalkin about) Good luck. ForAnother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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