Finally found a guy I'm interested in...

[melancholy123]

If you don't change your attitudes one of the following will happen:

 

1) You'll stay a virgin and alone forever

 

2) Some lazy conman will tell whatever you want to hear, take your "purity" and pretend he doesn't know you the next morning and you'll get to live with that

 

3) You'll end supporting some lazy slob...or rather your parent will until they get fed up enough to kick you both out of their house.... and eventually you'll end up broke, divorced and having to support not only a couple of kids but pay alimony to your useless ex

 

OP, get real. That means get off your arse, go to your church, start socializing, go to church singles events, make friends, get a job and stop using the introvert excuse for being essentially lazy. If your parents threw you out and you had just 30 days to get your act together, you'd start thinking and get that job instead of maybe sending out a resume here and there. Note that I'm not suggesting that you give up your beliefs, I'm suggesting that you become a productive member of society and start living your life instead of waiting for the internet to deliver you some loser who know how tell you some bs that you want to hear. He makes a lot of money driving for Uber....I seriously had to laugh. If you are that naive, I have some ocean front property in Arizona to sell you for $50.00.

 

DancingFool is no fool. I hope you are paying attention.

[Hollyj]

I do have friends and interests. Never said I didn't have any. Good Lord.

 

I like horseback riding, fishing, shopping. I just can't do much physical activity right now. Most of my friends are out of the area so I can't do much with that. I'm working up to trying to go out more but it's not in my nature, okay? Stop harassing me about all that you guys. Not cool.

 

We are not harassing you, we are concerned. Your behavior is not normal for someone your age. You are living like an 80-year-old woman.

 

I agree with Dancing and Wiseman, and hope that you will take it in and make some healthy choices for your life. You are in serious denial at this point.

 

You need to make new friends!

[Gary Snyder]

If you're going to have a crying session over a man you've never physically met, you're not emotionally ready to date. And taking it slow doesn't mean talking for a month or longer without meeting. Why? I did a lot of online dating for 2 and a half years. With each guy, I liked their photos, e-mails, texts, phone calls, and looked forward to meeting them. Nine out of ten times, upon meeting, either I didn't feel chemistry, or he didn't, and no further dates happened. There were a few who it went on for two or three dates, but on one occasion, on a second date, I saw that the guy had a screw loose. For a few others, their personalities sucked. For a few more, they lied about their dating goal. One lied about his height. Another had posted much younger photos of himself.

 

If a guy refused to meet within a few weeks, I stopped communicating with him because yes, I know how you have to keep cutting the losers loose quickly to find the treasure, which I finally did.

 

It's okay to have the ultimate goal of marriage and kids, but that shouldn't be discussed until you make it to about the fourth or sixth date, after chemistry is established, and dating regularly seems to be in the cards. At that point I'd say: Just so you know, I date with the goal of marrying one day and having kids. I know it takes a few years to know if someone is going to be your longterm partner. I'm telling you this because I don't want to waste time dating someone who never wants children, and doesn't foresee marriage in his future.

 

Before that, your goal should just be to enjoy someone's company. Keep topics light, or you will scare away a lot of men discussing major topics like marriage. You shouldn't even be projecting into the future when on dates. You don't even barely scratch the surface of who the person is until after the honeymoon period of 4 to 6 months is over.

 

I had a friend who was desperate and in a hurry like you, but for a different reason. Her biological clock was ticking. She was 38, without a man, and finally decided once and for all she wanted a child. She chased away many prospects, dragging one to a doctor to see if his vasectomy could be reversed, after he'd just left a marriage and she'd only dated him a few months. He ran fast and far. I told her she couldn't put the cart before the horse, and it would take a few years of being with a man to find out if he'd be a good partner and father. She screamed, "I don't have time!"

 

She corralled a far younger, dumb man, and got pregnant with his child and married him. Did she get her child? Yes. Did the marriage last even two years? No. And who is the product of a broken family? The poor child who has abandonment issues because her father only sees her about twice a year.

 

Listen to Andrina.

 

 

You two have not even met so you don't even know if there would be chemistry yet. Many people develop these online relationships for months or years and when they finally meet, they discover within minutes one or both are not attracted to the other. What a ginormous waste of time.

 

Try to meet within about a week-and-a-half. This post illustrates why dating and relationship rules can be good. Online dating is not really about dating, it's about meeting to find out if you like someone enough to date them.

[SnugglePuggle]

We are not harassing you, we are concerned. Your behavior is not normal for someone your age. You are living like an 80-year-old woman.

 

I agree with Dancing and Wiseman, and hope that you will take it in and make some healthy choices for your life. You are in serious denial at this point.

 

You need to make new friends!

 

 

What the . My behavior is just fine and I'm not living like an old person. Introverts don't act like old people.

 

I am not in denial, I know my standards and that crap will never happen to me.

[SnugglePuggle]

DancingFool is no fool. I hope you are paying attention.

 

Not to her at least because she's wrong and I've already explained why.

[Hollyj]

What the . My behavior is just fine and I'm not living like an old person. Introverts don't act like old people.

 

I am not in denial, I know my standards and that crap will never happen to me.

 

All "that crap" already has. Mr. Uber is no prize. Your standards are quite low.

 

Someone your age should be out with friends and enjoying life, not stuck behind a screen creating fantasy relationships with strangers. Just because you are an introvert does not mean you cut yourself off from the real world, and hide inside. You cannot have a life inside of your house. How sad.

[SnugglePuggle]

All "that crap" already has. Mr. Uber is no prize. Your standards are quite low.

 

Someone your age should be out with friends and enjoying life, not stuck behind a screen creating fantasy relationships with strangers. Just because you are an introvert does not mean you cut yourself off from the real world, and hide inside. You cannot have a life inside of your house. How sad.

 

Good Lord. I do have a life outside my house. Don't assume things you don't know.

 

The crap has not happened and it won't happen in the future and my standards are not low at freaking all.

[Hollyj]

You said that you were an introvert, over and over.

 

"When I was younger, I had more friends but they've all married and moved off. I have one best friend I keep up with but she's married and 3 1/2 hours away.

Social life I'm an introvert so that's why I've met people online more than not."

 

"I just can't do much physical activity right now. Most of my friends are out of the area so I can't do much with that. I'm working up to trying to go out more but it's not in my nature, okay?"

 

 

You are contradicting yourself. We can only go by what you write.

[Wiseman2]

Introverts find love and get married all the time. That is not the issue. The issue is some unrealistic approaches to finding that.

Introverts don't act like old people.

[SherrySher]

You cannot have a life inside of your house

 

Sorry Hols, but gotta disagree with you there.

 

There are heaps of people who are either introverted, have quite bad social anxiety, or not physically well or are disabled and none barely venture out of their house.

I don't think it's fair to say.."they don't have a life".

 

I think there are a large group of people in the world who are homebodies and prefer to be home most of the time and have a very small group of friends.

Nothing wrong with that at all in my opinion.

[Hollyj]

Sorry Hols, but gotta disagree with you there.

 

There are heaps of people who are either introverted, have quite bad social anxiety, or not physically well or are disabled and none barely venture out of their house.

I don't think it's fair to say.."they don't have a life".

 

I think there are a large group of people in the world who are homebodies and prefer to be home most of the time and have a very small group of friends.

Nothing wrong with that at all in my opinion.

 

Sorry, but this is hard for me to relate to, especially with someone so young. Just because it can affect many, does not necessarily mean it is good. We are social animals.

 

I don't think it is good to isolate oneself. If you are physically incapable I can understand, yet I do see blind and handicapped getting around my city, which I think is amazing.

[SherrySher]

I'm not sure I would consider it isolating. Some people prefer to be home. I have friends like that. I also have others who are disabled and don't go out due to that.

I wouldn't go as far to say "they have no life".

 

Yes, I agree with you that going out now and then is healthy, but if someone prefers to be home most of the time, I don't see it as an issue either.

I realize there has to be a healthy balance for most things and it is true. OP, can and should consider other ways to meet someone, however there are loads that did end up meeting their spouse online, so it does happen.

 

But to be quite honest OP, this guy is not the one. I mean, at the end of the day, that's what brought you here. You don't want someone who has been in 30 different womens beds and you know what? I would say a huge percentage of women wouldn't want that either.

He made very bad choices. That's his cross to bear. But you don't need to settle just because he seems nice and you feel bad for him.

[Hollyj]

I'm not sure I would consider it isolating. Some people prefer to be home. I have friends like that. I also have others who are disabled and don't go out due to that.

I wouldn't go as far to say "they have no life".

 

Yes, I agree with you that going out now and then is healthy, but if someone prefers to be home most of the time, I don't see it as an issue either.

I realize there has to be a healthy balance for most things and it is true. OP, can and should consider other ways to meet someone, however there are loads that did end up meeting their spouse online, so it does happen.

 

But to be quite honest OP, this guy is not the one. I mean, at the end of the day, that's what brought you here. You don't want someone who has been in 30 different womens beds and you know what? I would say a huge percentage of women wouldn't want that either.

He made very bad choices.

 

I also think that if she had more gfs to bounce stuff off of, she may make better choices. Thinking an Uber driver is making a lot of money, is quite naive. She wouldn't only have to refer to a bunch of strangers for advice.

[SherrySher]

I don't disagree with you there, Hols. Having women friends(at least good ones who truly are decent friends) is a very good thing and something you might need to strive a bit more to find, OP.

 

There are so many reasons why this guy is not the one. I know you're lonely OP and you desperately want a marriage, but you will be lowering your standards and settling if you allow this man into your life.

[saluk]

You are a year out of a difficult breakup. You are going to simultaneously want to rush things too much and want to hold back too much, which puts you in a weird frame of mind. If someone is not up to your standards don't hesitate to throw them back in the pond. Maybe you aren't giving them the chance they deserve, but this is about your health and happiness right now, not theirs. You can't know the other side of the story and you are in a vulnerable state, so it's not immoral to protect yourself. This guy isn't up to your standards and you haven't even met yet. There's no better time to say "next", and you've already devoted a lot of energy to a person who you have not yet determined if there is chemistry in person or not.

 

You don't have to make concessions for someone who doesn't meet your standards just because they are the first person after a traumatic breakup who you kind of like.