I’m changing, but it’s to late.

[lonewolf1991]

I miss her so much. I'm trying I really am. its passed the 1 year mark since I left and my sadness tells me that as much as my behaviour was unfair...I really did love her. do love her.

 

I initiated this no contact, except for essentials about our daughter. But I honestly feel worse. I suspect this is heightened because of the government lock down.

I question my decision sometimes. I don't get to see her smiley face anymore. or make her laugh or spend time with her. As much false hope as this gave me, I kind of miss it.

lets say her current relationships ends in some years. we are both single... would she look at me more favourably if we had become great friends in that time?

or more if she knew that I had disconnected from her, and she no longer had that relationship with me anymore

how would she learn to trust me and fall in love with me again if our interactions are so neutral and scripted

I know she enjoyed having me around, and it definitely stroked her ego as she knew that I wanted her back.

 

I know she doesn't want to be with me. I know that. I also know that feelings change. what is the best possible environment for her feelings to grow for me, whilst also protecting my own?

 

i know i speak only about her in this thread. I feel such a wimp for feeling like this. Its not easy to move on when you know what you have lost..