Open Letter to Women

[lonelynshy]

Please don't take this personally, I would just like to discuss something that always vexes me. Why do so many younger women expect their potential partner to be a sturdy emotional rock? In today's age of equality, it's only fair that men be allowed to expess their feelings openly. It takes a lot for most of us guys to open up. If a guy does cry on your shoulder (literally or not), it means he really, REALLY trusts you. To treat him with contempt and scorn because he isn't 'strong' enough is the worst emotional hurt you could do a guy. It's well known that guys like to be protective but sometimes they like to be protected too. Society's current attitudes don't allow this feeling to surface but it is very much present. Wouldn't you want a man who was open and honest with his feelings, good and bad? Sometimes the roles of mother and wife can overlap, just as the roles of father and husband can overlap too. There's nothing wrong with it as long as it isn't taken to an extreme.

[ShySoul]

I agree that the attitude your talking about doesn't make sense. Grown men can and do cry. And its better that they express their feelings then always keeping it in. If you are in a meaningful relationship then you should feel like you can be completely open and honest with the other person. This means sometimes admitting that you need her support to get through something. Both people should be able to lean on each other and support each other through rough times. These shared emotional experiences can really big people together. I think most women do get this. It just doesn't always seem like that. So be yourself, if a women expects you to be the strong one ALL the time, then she is expecting to much out of you and you shouldn't be with her.

[lonelynshy]

Thanks, it's good to know that not all women think like that. Anyway I was focusing on the initial stages of a relationship. It seems that they become more and more accommodating of their 'weak' boyfriend/husband as time goes by and that puzzles me. Why not accept him like that from the start.

[asdf]

initial stage is just attraction, not love. crying is typically attractive from a man.

[RayKay]

In the initial stages the love bond is not formed, and you are still learning about one another. If you are crying as your dog died, that is one thing, but if you are crying and expressing how much you love me and we have only been dating a couple weeks...well, I would be a bit weirded out by it!

 

I am quite emotional myself and sensitive, and need someone a *bit* stronger than me in that department to compliment me rather than cry with me...lol...but that does not mean I want a rock! One of reasons I fell for my boyfriend is that he is caring, and sensitive and not an emotional rock. I have seen him cry a couple times - both were when he felt he had let me down (and one of them was a big deal for me too) and was down about how he had hurt me, and was very fearful of losing me to that....he expressed his feelings towards me, but also some insecurities about himself and I must admit I felt tremendous love for him in those moments as he exposed his vulnerabilities to me. He is a strong man generally, but he does have that emotional sensitivity that makes him real to me. I adore him, sensitivities and all!

[speardane]

girls don't want some dude blubbering all over them and getting snot on their blouse. not. a. turn. on.

 

that's not to say that women want someone made of iron, but they do want to know that there's some iron in there somewhere.

 

I'm all for sharing emotions and all that, I really am, but it's just a truth that women are very unforgiving of emotional weakness in a man. they want someone strong, but with a soft side that only they get to see. If you want to go boo-hooing at them, you'd best choose your moments carefully. I think it's a mistake to show your soft side too soon in a relationship if you're a guy. You can hint around that you have one, though.

[LoneLioness]

I like sensitive guys.

[KeP]

Like you said, I'd be flattered if a guy entrusted his feeling in me... The important thing is to not take it to an extreme though, and rely on your girl for every problem you come into, from losing your shirt to your parent's divorce. It can be very stressful to deal with another person's problems in addition to your own. But on isolated instances, when a shoulder is really what you need, the girl should definitely understand.