Honeycomb8 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Yay or nay? I'm over the guy so it's not an attempt to get a response. I was the one that cut them off ages ago. He meant a lot to me for a long time and helped a great deal in making me who I am today, so I thought since he's turning 30, why not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 No. If it was ages ago that you cut him off, it would seem a bit weird to be suddenly in contact now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honeycomb8 Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 I don't want to be in contact, I just wanted to wish him happy birthday. I celebrated his birthday for 4 year together and even though he's a part of my past, I appreciate him. I cut him off around a year ago btw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluecastle Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 My take on it is less yay or nay than: why? If you can answer that question easily, in a way that doesn't feel like self-deception, there's no harm in saying happy birthday, or not. The other thing I think about is: How would a person I'm dating feel if I was wishing an ex a happy birthday? I ask that whether I'm dating someone or not, since if I'm not (but interested in dating someone) the question becomes: Does wishing an ex happy birthday improve my chances of a relationship or not? I'm friendly with two exes, very close with one, to the point where I don't even think of her as "an ex." We broke up 15 years ago, are simply friends—like, I wish her partner happy birthday, so of course I wish her one. She's part of my life. As for "using" a birthday to break a silence of years and "check in"—no, I don't do that. Have in the past—my 20s—but I guess at some point I just stopped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluecastle Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 I don't want to be in contact, I just wanted to wish him happy birthday. These two sentiments are at diametric odds with each other. Just realize that. They can't coexist in one sentence, logically, since wishing someone happy birthday is being in contact with someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honeycomb8 Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 I'm not using this to break contact, I just wanna wish him a happy birthday because I went through a lot with him and hope he's well. That's basically what it is, nothing more nothing less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honeycomb8 Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 I still have him blocked so wouldn't even get a reply either way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 What if he doesn't respond or you find that you are blocked?I'm not using this to break contact, I just wanna wish him a happy birthday because I went through a lot with him and hope he's well. That's basically what it is, nothing more nothing less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LikeWater Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 In my experience this has never been fruitful at all. You'll send it, you'll get no reply, and then you'll be left wondering if he saw it or not, if he just ignored it, or in the other case what's the best response you're going to receive? "Thanks"? And the worst response could be a whole other can of worms. At the end of the day, you want to wish him a happy birthday for selfish reasons, whether you can admit it or not. Let him enjoy his day without any potential drama your words might cause, even if you feel you have the best of intentions and no expectations. Edit: You have him blocked and you want to send these well wishes. What is he supposed to get from this? Most likely nothing more than a reminder he didn't want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honeycomb8 Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 It's email lol I don't want him to respond. He messaged me a lot towards the end and I didn't reply any of his numerous attempts to contact me. This isn't my way of getting his attention, since it's always been the other way around. He's still blocked so I don't want a reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LikeWater Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 The answer is no, don't send it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 I don't want to be in contact, I just wanted to wish him happy birthday. Wishing him happy birthday is contact. It would be weird if it came out of the blue like that. Judging by the way you're dismissing the thoughts that you've apparently asked for, it looks as though you're really looking for affirmation that it would be OK to do so. Despite making it so that he can't actually respond, acknowledge or contact you in any form. Sorry, but it still seems weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 I wouldn't bother sending greetings. You broke up with him, and although he's probably over it by now, you reaching out could result in opening up old wounds, or maybe, getting his hopes up. Even if you have good intentions, looking at it from his perspective, it's best that you don't reach out. I'd leave him be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Let me put it this way, how would you feel if an ex that broke your heart reached out to you, only to wish you happy birthday? I'm guessing you'd prefer NOT to hear from them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluecastle Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Look, the only reason to wish him happy birthday is a simple one: because you want contact. No problem with that, but it has to be owned. Reaching out to someone who not long ago reached out to you repeatedly, and doing so while they are still blocked from you—well, c'mon: that is kind of cruel. Imagine he replies "Thanks—it's been a nice day! How's life on your end?" He gets no response, because that goes back into the void you seemed to have closed. Not nice. His nice day just got weird. Meanwhile, you get the pleasure of being a nice person who wished him happy birthday, while still getting full control over things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Look, the only reason to wish him happy birthday is a simple one: because you want contact. No problem with that, but it has to be owned. Reaching out to someone who not long ago reached out to you repeatedly, and doing so while they are still blocked from you—well, c'mon: that is kind of cruel. Imagine he replies "Thanks—it's been a nice day! How's life on your end?" He gets no response, because that goes back into the void you seemed to have closed. Not nice. His nice day just got weird. Meanwhile, you get the pleasure of being a nice person who wished him happy birthday, while still getting full control over things. Spot on, bluecastle. Well said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Always a nay and a double nay when you are talking about someone from so long ago that you needed to block. Stay blocked, stay no contact. You wishing him a happy b-day in this case would be completely weird behavior and seen as such. Not a flattering look for you. Yeah, agree with whoever asked, "why?" - there is nothing nice about this and it's completely inappropriate, not to mention just weird af. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Always a nay and a double nay when you are talking about someone from so long ago that you needed to block. Stay blocked, stay no contact. You wishing him a happy b-day in this case would be completely weird behavior and seen as such. Not a flattering look for you. Yeah, agree with whoever asked, "why?" - there is nothing nice about this and it's completely inappropriate, not to mention just weird af. I agree with this too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 I still have him blocked so wouldn't even get a reply either way. I wasn't sure what my answer would be, until I got to this^^ If you are still in place where a response wouldn't be welcomed, then I'd say no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Mosse Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Nah. Things are weird enough as they are. You've blocked him. What's the point of dropping a hbd bomb? It's the equivalent of remote detonation and a bit passive aggressive. Let it go, I think. And delete any reminders for his birthday going forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figureitout23 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 I still have him blocked so wouldn't even get a reply either way. This statement here is showing there’s more under the surface. We don’t block people who meant a lot to us. If this was a cordial, drama free breakup he would not be blocked and communication would be open. It’s not and there’s a reason. You’re a regular here, you already know, if you have to ask there’s ulterior motives. So as blue said, the question isn’t so much should I but why? Explore that. Come to peace with it. Then and only then decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figureitout23 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 Look, the only reason to wish him happy birthday is a simple one: because you want contact. No problem with that, but it has to be owned. Reaching out to someone who not long ago reached out to you repeatedly, and doing so while they are still blocked from you—well, c'mon: that is kind of cruel. Imagine he replies "Thanks—it's been a nice day! How's life on your end?" He gets no response, because that goes back into the void you seemed to have closed. Not nice. His nice day just got weird. Meanwhile, you get the pleasure of being a nice person who wished him happy birthday, while still getting full control over things. Bingo....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 If he's blocked, don't bother. It will be confusing for everyone involved to do this. Especially his new gf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honeycomb8 Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 I don't agree with the notion that we don't block people that meant a lot to us. Our relationship was very complicated and I needed to move on with my life. It wasn't cos I didn't care; it was the exact opposite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honeycomb8 Posted October 15, 2019 Author Share Posted October 15, 2019 But you guys are right, it might confuse him. So I'll just leave it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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