Why did they stare?

[gersanos]

Just had a question here about ex's. I guess this goes for both guys and gals. Over the past month I've ran into, or rather, ran by 2 ex-gf's. These are 2 girls that I dated over the past two years. It has been a while since we've spoken, actually a long time. Neither party has kept in touch, perhaps grapevine, but that's it.

 

Well, both of these girls just stared at me when they saw me. The first one I ran into was the last girl I dated. It so strange because I ran by her twice within 2 weeks. The first time she saw me accross the room and just faced me and starred. Not in a bad way, but not in a good way. Just stared. I kept walking along. Then a week later I'm leaving school and talking on my cell phone and saw her by the door as I was walking out, and as soon as she heard my voice near her she pulled the fastest 180 and was looking right at me.

 

The other girl I dated about 2 years ago. I ran into her when I was out with friends. We were at a bar and every few minutes she would turn from where she was sitting and look over at me. At one point she excused herself to go to the bathroom and took the long way so she can walk right past me. I pretended that I didn't see her coming so we didn't start up a conversation.

 

It was just so odd because at a younger age (high school) whenever I had a break up, we went our separate ways and never acknowledged each other. I guess we both completely moved on and didn't really care what was going on with the other person. With these 2 it wasn't the case. Maybe because we're older now and things work differently? Haha, I doubt that, but it was just odd. They kept looking and staring, but, if they really wanted to speak with me or whatver then they would right? Heck, they probably thought the same thing about me. Does anybody else have experience with something like this because it is new to me, and of course, it got me thinking. Not that I necessarilly want to give it another go with either of them, but it got me thinking.

[chai714]

You appear attractive to them, which is why they stare. Generally, people stare for a few reasons:

 

1) You appear attractive to them.

 

2) They're exhibiting aggressive behavior (anger, madness)

 

3) You appear to completely unusual compared to the average person.

 

I would bet a million dollars that it's the first reason though.

[gersanos]

Hey Chai714 - thanks for responding.

 

So they find me attractive, but girls in the past that I dated don't find me attractive hence they don't stare or look my way? Haha. It made me somewhat uncomfortable I guess since we dated before. The girl from about 2 years ago was nothing serious. She wanted commitment and I just didn't want that from her because of the lifestyle she led (big partyer back then, not sure if she is now). The other girl and I were serious and we moved things really fast emotionally and it got out of control in the end with emotions, and each being emotionally drained after fights and different thoughts and opinions we had about things so we split because it took a toll on feelings and there was more anger/resentment there than love.

 

I didn't know if they were doing this because they were interested once they ran into me, or possibly jealous because they find me attractive and I'm doing good and stuff, or just not being able to have comfort or what not with me since we shared that before, etc.

 

I guess I was thinking, "I don't bite, well, try not to, so if you are staring at me and want to talk to me or say something to me then go ahead." If that was one of the "come hither" signs that they were giving off, well, they could have given off more than just that. I don't close the door on people I have dated before if it was good for a while, time has passed for us to cool off and expereince more of life, etc., but, I don't initiate things like I would with a new girl that I have just met since we have some history.

[DN]

If it happens again, smile and talk to her. See what transpires - could be interesting.

[RandomAdvisor]

Neither one of them sound like nasty breakups, so I'd be willing to bet both of them wouldn't mind having you back. Both of them might consider you "the one that got away." I agree with DN - you should talk to them. Or maybe even call one of them if you'd like to get back together. I bet either one of them would be receptive.

[Stinkweed]

2) They're exhibiting aggressive behavior (anger, madness)

 

3) You appear to completely unusual compared to the average person.

 

hmm... makes sense now 0X

[gersanos]

Thanks everyone for your replies. Although they may find me attractive still, and vice versa, there are 2 things that I don't forget. With the most recent girl I dated, although it was an emotional burnout in the end, much of that was caused because we are different people. In that, we communicated ineffectively possibly perhaps because we have 2 different personalities. During the good times we were great, during the bad times we could not make it work. I felt she gave it a half-measured attempt, but perhaps she did really give it her all.

 

With the other girl, I never really gave her a chance so who knows what may come of it.

 

But with these 2 girls, I did learn something about myself. When I get hurt, or am hurt, I am very bad at communicating. I go into a shell. I don't share. I keep that inside of me, and it comes out in snide comments and saracstic remarks. When times are good anyone can get along with one another, but when times are bad I am more difficult to communicate with, or perhaps, it may just be 2 different personality types. In any event, it is something that I am aware of myself at this point. I don't get violent, I don't get abusive, but I do blurt out distasteful words (not swearing) as sort of a last attempt for someone to see that I am hurt by what they did/said. Perhaps I myself cause that gap to widen between me and who I date? I'm not sure, but I am aware of it, and conscious of it nowadays.

 

Well see what happens if I bump into them again. Perhaps something will blossom, perhaps not. In any event, I did learn quite a bit from them as a result.