milly007 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 I don’t think we’re being played. It just doesn’t make sense to us because it’s above our heads. We all know what the right thing is to do here, which is to cut ties with him, and ThatGirl knows this, too. But until OP pulls the plug on the relationship, and gets to the bottom of why she’s so attached to a man who adds no value to her life by speaking with a therapist, there really isn’t much more we can do here on ENA other than to keep encouraging her to do same. ThatGirl, it’s easy for all of us to sit here and advise you on what you should be doing. The fact of the matter is, I believe you know what you should be doing, too. So if you want to change your life for the better, you’ll have to make these changes on your own because no one can do it for you. Gotta put the wheels in motion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 I have asked her twice what qualities he brings, as well as him being a father if they have children, she has not answered. i have also asked about the robbery, and have not gotten the story. Things are coming in bits and pieces, this is why i do not think it is legitimate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loyal Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 I'm sorry, but what part of "pleads guilty to robbery" and beats you and has a restraining order do you find attractive? If that's your thing, then go for it. But if you have even one ounce of respect for yourself, the haul ass as fast as you can. Why do you think you are so worthless? Why do you have so many excuses? Are you capable of having your own thoughts? You are a victim of abuse. It is a nasty, nasty cycle. But you are not a victim of that cycle. YOU can choose to end it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Charles Manson, Richard Ramirez and Ted Bundy all had groupies. But this loser is no high profile serial killer, just a drug using run of the mill punk..I'm sorry, but what part of "pleads guilty to robbery" and beats you and has a restraining order do you find attractive? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Charles Manson, Richard Ramirez and Ted Bundy all had groupies. But this loser is no high profile serial killer, just a drug using run of the mill punk.. Are you glamorizing serial killers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatGirlTayl Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 I'm sorry, but what part of "pleads guilty to robbery" and beats you and has a restraining order do you find attractive? If that's your thing, then go for it. But if you have even one ounce of respect for yourself, the haul ass as fast as you can. Why do you think you are so worthless? Why do you have so many excuses? Are you capable of having your own thoughts? You are a victim of abuse. It is a nasty, nasty cycle. But you are not a victim of that cycle. YOU can choose to end it. I don't know. Honestly, I just feel really brainwashed. It's like I'm back in that abuse relationship cycle mindset again. I can tell. I'm picking my skin, I'm more depressed, more anxious, more paranoid, and more on edge. Things I hadn't felt when we weren't speaking for a month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loyal Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 I don't know. Honestly, I just feel really brainwashed. It's like I'm back in that abuse relationship cycle mindset again. I can tell. I'm picking my skin, I'm more depressed, more anxious, more paranoid, and more on edge. Things I hadn't felt when we weren't speaking for a month. You are definitely brainwashed. And it's not "like" you are in that mindset. You ARE in that mindset. Honestly, I think you could benefit from checking yourself in to a psychiatric inpatient facility for a bit. You are not crazy. But you are describing some alarming behaviors and sound like you need INTENSIVE therapy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatGirlTayl Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 You are definitely brainwashed. And it's not "like" you are in that mindset. You ARE in that mindset. Honestly, I think you could benefit from checking yourself in to a psychiatric inpatient facility for a bit. You are not crazy. But you are describing some alarming behaviors and sound like you need INTENSIVE therapy. I don't have the money or insurance for that. Therapy is included in my tuition so I do plan on taking advantage of that when I go back to school in the fall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loyal Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 I don't have the money or insurance for that. Therapy is included in my tuition so I do plan on taking advantage of that when I go back to school in the fall. Don't wait for the fall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatGirlTayl Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 Well, I'm going back at the end of this month, and like I said I don't have health insurance to be able to afford inpatient. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Google and research hybristophilia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hybristophilia when I go back to school in the fall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loyal Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 You are using an excuse. You have access to the internet, so Google free therapy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 I don't know. Honestly, I just feel really brainwashed. It's like I'm back in that abuse relationship cycle mindset again. I can tell. I'm picking my skin, I'm more depressed, more anxious, more paranoid, and more on edge. Things I hadn't felt when we weren't speaking for a month. But, you said he made you happy when together. Is this what your happy looks like? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatGirlTayl Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 Google and research hybristophilia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hybristophilia Interesting. That kind of does sound like me. But, he wasn't always this awful to me. Really. He wasn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatGirlTayl Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 But, you said he made you happy when together. Is this what your happy looks like? No. I don't feel happy. I feel scared and desperate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 There are abuse support groups in every city. Why haven't you gone? They are free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 No. I don't feel happy. I feel scared and desperate. Then stop making excuses for him and telling us what a great guy he is, and block him. If he reaches out report him for violating the order. Get on the phone and find a free support group! Take some action! Isn't it time you helped yourself! You also need to tell your family that you have been meeting up with him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatGirlTayl Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 Then stop making excuses for him and telling us what a great guy he is, and block him. If he reaches out report him for violating the order. Get on the phone and find a free support group! Take some action! Isn't it time you helped yourself! You also need to tell your family that you have been meeting up with him Only my mom knows we met up. And of course she was extremely upset. I know, this can't go on anymore, it's really not healthy, and it's tearing me apart inside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saluk Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Interesting. That kind of does sound like me. But, he wasn't always this awful to me. Really. He wasn't. Would you eat ice cream that has worms in it? It's not ALL worms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Interesting. That kind of does sound like me. But, he wasn't always this awful to me. Really. He wasn't. You should have bolted when you knew he was stealing. Why wasn't that enough? Did the robbery come before or after the physical abuse? Why are your standards so low. You are in school and have a future. He has an unpredictable job with no benefits, is a felon and a thief. How was this appealing? He is also playing with the law again, by breaking the restraining order- which you allowed- and contacting underage girls. How was this excused away for you. No one can talk that smoothly. If you do not take this seriously, you will end up dead! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatGirlTayl Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 You should have bolted when you knew he was stealing. Why wasn't that enough? Did the robbery come before or after the physical abuse? Why are your standards so low. You are in school and have a future. He has an unpredictable job with no benefits, is a felon and a thief. How was this appealing? He is also playing with the law again, by breaking the restraining order- which you allowed- and contacting underage girls. How was this excused away for you. No one can talk that smoothly. If you do not take this seriously, you will end up dead! Because I love him I guess. Am I supposed to just walk away and act like I don't love him at all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Because I love him I guess. Am I supposed to just walk away and act like I don't love him at all? Yes!!! You need to love yourself more. You can still love him or parts of him and recognize that he is not good for you. Besides no one is all bad, but this one is definitely bad enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saluk Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Because I love him I guess. Am I supposed to just walk away and act like I don't love him at all? You are supposed to call the abuse hotline or seek out some resources. You can't do it on your own, but yes, you are supposed to walk away. Whether you love him or not. The same way someone who is addicted to heroin would need help to get off of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 Yup, you dump him. Love doesn’t mean you stand for abuse,lechery and felony. Love doesn’t mean you put up with everything . Because I love him I guess. Am I supposed to just walk away and act like I don't love him at all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatGirlTayl Posted August 8, 2019 Author Share Posted August 8, 2019 Yes!!! You need to love yourself more. You can still love him or parts of him and recognize that he is not good for you. Besides no one is all bad, but this one is definitely bad enough. True. He is a pretty bad person. No doubt about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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