Project Dating!

[Ian4996]

I'm glad you're feeling better! Food poisoning is awful

 

Thanks. Yeah it totally wiped me out. I couldn't imagine having to look after a kid at the same time as being like that!

 

In real life a person who is into physical fitness and healthful eating likely will continue to be into that whether or not she has a baby, or gets married, etc. But yes she might nevertheless gain a few pounds as she gets older

 

Is what you're looking for unusual? Maybe. But as long as it's what you see in the mirror—as opposed to something that will make you like looking in the mirror more—it means it's out there.

Yeah. To answer both these 2 points at once, I'm basically looking for someone with a similar attitude to health and fitness as I do. Not necessarily obsessive but someone who genuinely enjoys being fit and active and for whom exercising regularly is normal (rather than a temporary get fit fad that they'll keep up for a while and then lose interest in).

I wouldn't say this is unusual and I definitely wouldn't say I'm drastically limiting my dating pool by having this requirement.

 

Kind of pick your battles so your list of musts isn't needle-in-a-haystack long.

 

I get this. For example, I'd consider it even better if my partner was someone whose sports / fitness activities were the same as mine. It'd be great to be able to play tennis or golf or go running with my partner. But I wouldn't put these things as a 'must-have' as then I think I would be getting into needle-in-a-haystack territory!

 

Should have a couple of first meets this weekend. I've got a drink arranged for Saturday night with a girl called Katie. Then I've been talking to 2 other girls about going for a coffee Sunday afternoon. Still finalising details though. All these 3 girls are from Tinder and are all who I started chatting to Tuesday this week (I do think this is about the ideal time-frame for setting up a weekend meet – enough time to exchange a few messages back and forth, but no so long that the meet is ages away and fizzles out)

[Batya33]

So here's the thing with fitness- I am that person who does it regularly -it is a part of my daily routine, feel awful if I can't (which only happened for two days this year, doctors orders after oral surgery - so we're talking maybe once a year or so I can't exercise -I never skip because I'm tired/didn't sleep well). But if you have a family you have to be ready to step up to the plate to let your wife continue her "normal" routine because after a child there's so much of an adjustment in schedules. I have friends -and I've done this too more than once - who get up at 4:30 to get their work out in before the kids get up, etc (and they are not overweight -just a part of their routine they do not want to give up). But I also know women who won't or really can't do that so exercise is one of the first things to go - maybe they insist on a gym and the daycare there is awful (which I never tried nor did I wish to) or the sleep deprivation gets to them to a point where exercise just isn't possible. Be ready to step up and make it happen -either by staying with the child so mom can go exercise or helping to find someone to take care of the child for that hour or two, etc. I am far ahead of myself (but I started saving to be a stay at home mom someday 11 years before I gave birth, when I was single so you're getting my planning bias here lol).

 

Good luck on the dates!

[boltnrun]

There are plenty of women who are into sports. I work with lots of them. One plays softball, one is into serious hiking, one does competitive horseback riding, one plays league soccer. It doesn't have to be your specific sport. Maybe you'll find you enjoy a sport you've never tried before.

 

Are you on a coed soccer or softball team? Do you join in when your golf or tennis club has mixer events? Those are great places to meet women.

[Batya33]

There are plenty of women who are into sports. I work with lots of them. One plays softball, one is into serious hiking, one does competitive horseback riding, one plays league soccer. It doesn't have to be your specific sport. Maybe you'll find you enjoy a sport you've never tried before.

 

Are you on a coed soccer or softball team? Do you join in when your golf or tennis club has mixer events? Those are great places to meet women.

 

Yes, same here - and I know couples who met this way for sure.

[Ian4996]

I enjoy almost any sport. I'll try almost anything when I get the chance (I'm picking up a squash racquet this Wednesday for the first time since 2005!), although my schedule doesn't make this particularly easy, I generally work:

 

Mondays - Thursdays 3pm-9pm

Fridays 4pm-6:30pm

Saturdays 9am-3pm

Then I have a competitive tennis fixture most Sundays 10am-1pm, then work again in the evening

 

I tend to find that sports / activities near me at which I could potentially meet physically active women tend to fall (almost without fail) within the above hours! I have been thinking though of whether I could adjust / reduce my working hours slightly in order to take part in more things - I do agree that because my 'type' is physically fit / into sports etc, it would make a lot of sense for me to be going to events at which there's lots of women fitting this description.

 

Updates (Sat 5th & Sun 6th October)

 

2 first meets this weekend, both turned out to be 1 and done's unfortunately.

 

First was with Katie, a couple of drinks on Saturday night.

She was nice and I enjoyed her company, without I wouldn't say really hitting it off. She was similar to Letitia (who I met last week) in that she wasn't in physically as good a shape as I tend to go for, which wasn't so apparent from her photos.

 

Second was with Michelle, a coffee yesterday afternoon.

Me and Michelle were totally incompatible! I found her to be quite cold – if I was talking about something in my life that she wasn't interested in, she'd just say 'I've never cared about ….........' or 'I know nothing about..........'.

 

I find that the people I enjoy chatting to the most are people who are warm and interested in what you're talking about - people who are always curious to know everything and ask lots of questions, even if it's something that they know nothing about themselves. I'd call this a 'warmth' – it's a quality that Justine (who I dated a couple of years ago and have talked about quite a bit in this thread) had in abundance, and I've tried hard to develop that warmth myself.

 

I had Justine on my mind before and after my date on Saturday night as it involved walking through a neighbourhood 20 miles away that I associate with her very closely (we stayed there one night with some of her friends). Walking through that neighbourhood brought up a strange mixed emotion of exhilaration and sadness. Exhilaration as it reminded me of feeling so strongly about somebody, sadness due to it being nothing more than a memory from the past.

 

I kept saying to myself as I was walking: 'there's more than 2 women in this world who can make me feel that way'. This is a thought which I know to be true and fully believe in. It's a good thought for me to hold onto as I go through a succession of first meets that don't lead anywhere, as I am doing at the moment. It reminds me that there's women out there who are a great match for me, and the more women I meet, the greater the chances that I meet one of the great matches.

[Batya33]

Yes, no guarantees but the more you're out there meeting people you have things in common with -even other men, who can introduce you to women, the more chances to find that good match. I've been told I ask good follow up questions - in reality, I just find people interesting and often find what they are interested in, interesting even though I know nothing about it. I don't want to cross the line into prying though. I had many ones and dones when dating. I get it. My work schedule back then was always bad for dating because I was basically on call 24/7 and worked long, late, unpredictable hours and traveled.

[Ian4996]

Yeah I think good follow up questions are really important. One of my best friends is naturally very much like this - whatever someone's talking about, he takes a real interest in. It never feels like he's faking an interest or making polite conversation, and people just tend to warm to him. I'm not naturally so much like this but I have worked on it a lot over the last couple of years and I'd say people generally enjoy my company more than they would've done a couple of years ago.

 

I've not done any dating since I updated this at the start of the week (it's now Friday) and a few of the promising Tinder conversations that I had going (the ones that I started last Tuesday who then weren't free when I suggested a meet for last weekend) have stopped replying. I think it really is true that if someone can't / won't meet within a week, there's a very good chance that they never will.

I have, however, got a coffee meet arranged for Sunday afternoon with a girl called Carmen. Will update after.

[Batya33]

Have fun! I don't think it's about "working on it" - if you are interested in people and curious about what they are interested in and/or what makes them tick then the follow up questions will come naturally and the "work" will be to make sure not to be too familiar/personal too soon. If you're not interested naturally then that's just the way it is. I guess the "work" could be to be a more varied/interesting person in your own right so that there's more of a chance that if someone brings up a topic that you're typically not familiar with, you know enough to get the ball rolling (one reason I listen to a public radio station, various podcasts, read high quality news magazines, etc). To me it's not work, it's fun/play/interesting - it's "work" if the interaction is work-based and I want to develop a rapport with a person I otherwise wouldn't be friendly with.

 

I agree that if the person can't meet within a week and is not very ill or out of town, or moving homes, etc then chances are they never will. Good filter!

[Ian4996]

I think it does help to be knowledgeable enough to get the ball rolling on lots of subjects but I do also believe that being able to hold a conversation on a subject you have no prior knowledge on is a good test of your social / conversation skills.

I am quite a firm believer that social skills can be 'worked on' and as I mentioned on this thread a few weeks ago, I have read some stuff by Leil Lowndes on conversational skills / interacting with people. I think perhaps the phrase 'work on it' is a bit misleading as the word 'work' implies that I find it a chore, whereas I do genuinely enjoy improving my social skills in this way.

 

Updates (Saturday 12th & Sunday 13th October)

 

The main update is that I had a really good first meet with Carmen this afternoon. We went for a coffee initially and then a drink after. She was genuinely stunning and seemed a really nice person too. Conversation flowed the whole time and 2 hours passed by almost in the blink of an eye before, unfortunately, I had to go to work. But she told me she'd like to meet again and we said we'll arrange to meet again next weekend (she's working over an hour away Monday-Friday at the moment and just back weekends).

 

So I'm very much looking forward to seeing her again while, at the same time, trying to not get ahead of myself or worry too much, both of which I'm consciously aware I have a tendency to do. When I meet someone I really like (which happens pretty rarely!), I tend to become quite paranoid between 1st and 2nd dates about whether they'll change their mind. This has happened to me a few times in the past (great 1st date, agree to meet for a 2nd date before, a few days later, they then change their mind and the 2nd date never happens) and I think that those past experiences have burnt me, made me quite insecure around this time. As a result, I start over-thinking what to text them etc, whereas before the 1st date, I'm much more relaxed about everything (I forget to text them back til 12 hours later etc)

[Batya33]

I'm so glad you had a good time with Carmen! I think social skills can be worked on. What I am dubious about is whether people who are not naturally curious about people, their interests, their feelings, fears, dreams can "work" on becoming curious. I think to a large extent natural curiosity in other people is either there or it is not.

 

Hope you set up an official first date soon with Carmen!

[Ian4996]

Thankyou! Unfortunately, my premonition has already come true.........I got a 'you're a nice guy but' text from her this morning

 

This has kind of surprised me and not surprised me simultaneously. Surprised me because she said the opposite at the end of the meet yesterday, that she'd like to meet again and that she was about next weekend. Not surprised me because, as I mentioned in my last post, these changes of heart between 1st and 2nd meet have happened to me a number of times before.

 

Although there's no point dwelling on it, I have spent a bit of time turning it over in my head this morning trying to work out why. I'll describe the course of events, see if anyone has any insights:

 

So we did have a slightly awkward end to the meet, the conversation going as follows:

 

Her: Well thankyou, it was lovely to meet you

Me: No problem. We can meet again if you like?

Her: You'd like to meet me again?

Me: I would yeah. But I'm totally awful at telling what other people are thinking! So I don't have a clue if you're thinking the same

Her: Yeah I'd be up for meeting again

Me: That's cool. Are you about next weekend?

Her: Yeah I'm back in (place) almost every weekend

Me: Ah great. Well let's make a plan at some point in the week for next weekend

Her: Great

 

Then we had a hug and left.

 

I then dropped her a quick text about 3 / 4 hours later, just saying 'it was great to meet you, earlier, wish I could've stayed longer :D xx'

 

Maybe someone else will see something in the above exchange but to be honest, I thought it was all pretty standard and normal. I am of course aware that she might've just agreed to a 2nd meet due to being put on the spot / feeling under pressure as I was stood in front of her asking her.

As I said though, I'm not going to dwell on it or worry about it too much, but I am quite an analytical person and I do like to understand the reasons for things!

[Batya33]

I am so sorry this happened. I thought you were way too self deprecating and verbose in your ending exchange although that might have been irrelevant (and also she didn't try to close the deal which is something to consider and neither did you - you could have said "how about next Saturday evening -I'll call you and we can discuss a time")

 

This is going to be nitpicky so please know I don't mean to be overly so or critical but maybe some will help/resonate

 

I wouldn't say "no problem" - just "same here!". Then I would say "I'd like to see you again" without an "if" - that introduces the possiblity she would not want to -why even introduce that? Then you tell this near stranger about how you're bad at reading people, even clueless. And instead of "at some point" I would say "I'll call you ____(a day on or before Wednesday) to confirm"

 

I have a platonic friend -a guy- I've been friendly with since the early 1990s. He told me early on he likes to make specific plans in advance and change them if needed but not with the whole "some point we'll talk/figure it out/get together". I like that -now that's a bit on the other end of specificity but with a new person put your best foot forward, assume she wants to see you (without arrogance, just matter of fact) and keep the convo short and specific with a positive spin and smile. Maybe it's irrelevant here -maybe her ex boyfriend called when she got home -but just some suggestions.

[Ian4996]

Thanks, there's some good points in there. I agree, I was too self-deprecating and I think that's probably down to my confidence having been knocked by having had in the past a number of knock-backs following (what I'd thought were) great first meets.

But I agree, I could definitely have been more specific with plans. I think I wasn't because firstly, I hadn't actually thought in advance of exactly when I was free next weekend, so thought to myself 'if we say "sometime next weekend" for now, it'll give me chance to go away and check my schedule'. Secondly, because I'd lost track of time and it had dawned on me that I was pretty tight for time for getting to work! So the whole end to the meet was pretty rushed.

 

I have this morning paid for a 6 month subscription on Tinder Gold. Carmen was telling me yesterday that she uses it and it allows her to see straight away who's liked her, rather than having to do a ton of swiping. So I thought it seems daft to scrimp on paying £90 considering I can easily afford it and how much time and effort I'm putting into dating, so I put in my card details.

Turns out I've been swiped right on by 1867 women! I've just had a scan through them now and thought 'my goodness, what do I do with all these?'. I guess when I go through them in more detail, there might only be say 200 that I'd be interested in myself. But at the same time, there'd be no point me matching with all 200 straight away as I've only got the time to meet maybe 3, max 4 people a week and, even allowing for maybe 60% / 70% of them not replying, there would still be an unmanageable number of conversations to try to maintain.

I'll probably go on later and pick maybe 10-12 who I particularly like the look of to match with and then go from there.

[bluecastle]

Bummer, buddy. But also: head high!

 

Batya analyzed things pretty well, I think. My take, reading that, was: too passive, too much hedging, too much trying to be confident by exposing insecurities. I'm pretty direct, more or less always: "This is fun, you're fun, let's do this again, when is again?" Those are the hard facts I know to be true for me, and so I share them with confidence, rather than trying to gauge what someone else is thinking, or feeling, by casting sideways lines and seeing if there's a nibble. If those facts line up with her facts—great. If not—great.

 

That said, it is what it is. There are a zillion x-factors on her end that are unknown, so don't focus too hard on where you "screwed up." With the right person, at the right time—even if it's just setting up a second date—you can do just about anything and it'll work out. That's the mystery of the whole thing: that the you they encounter is (a) a you you like being and (b) a you they want to see once more.

 

I've heard good things from the people who did the paid versions of Tinder and Bumble—just cuts through the game of it all. So, great! I think all the bs tension around left and right swipes doesn't do anyone any favors.

[DancingFool]

Kind of agree with Blue here that you need to clean up your approach. Don't hedge and just ask in a straightforward manner for what you want. If you genuinely want to see her again, then tell her that you really enjoyed this time you've spent with her and would love to see her again. Ask when she is available. If she is enthusiastic in her response and clear about I'm free Saturday, for example, then go ahead and nail down the date right there and then. No if's, no hedging, no I'll text you later. Just do it.

 

What actually stood out to me personally is her comment, the surprise she expressed that you wanted to see her again. It might be that you were having a great time, but perhaps you didn't really appear to be or were holding your cards too close to your chest. You might want to think on that a little bit. It seems that your interest didn't come across during the date. Not saying wear your heart on the sleeve and vomit compliments and your desires all over your dates, but don't be so nervous and uptight that your dates get surprised you are interested at all. Between two extremes, there is a sweet spot, a happy middle.

[bluecastle]

What actually stood out to me personally is her comment, the surprise she expressed that you wanted to see her again. It might be that you were having a great time, but perhaps you didn't really appear to be or were holding your cards too close to your chest. You might want to think on that a little bit. It seems that your interest didn't come across during the date. Not saying wear your heart on the sleeve and vomit compliments and your desires all over your dates, but don't be so nervous and uptight that your dates get surprised you are interested at all. Between two extremes, there is a sweet spot, a happy middle.

 

Well put!

 

In a way, it kind of comes back to the curiosity stuff. I like people a lot: old people, young people, men and women. I like talking to people who are super into things I find boring, or who believe in things that I don't believe in. Generally speaking, my interest in other people is about 10 times greater than the question of whether they're interested in me, be that an 8-year-old or a Bumble date. So the "impression" I tend to give off is that I'm having a blast, because I am. If I'm having enough of a blast to want another date, I ask for another date.

 

I really think dating, as I think I mentioned, is so much easier and more fun when you can just about drop the question of what someone thinks about you and replace it with what you think about them. The former is unknowable, after all, forever, while the latter is always knowable, a thing you can genuinely explore. Why am I with my girlfriend, for instance? Not because she thinks I'm awesome or hot or smart, but because I think she's about the fiercest, warmest woman walking the planet. And some version of that has been playing out—and expanding—since hour one.

 

This way of thinking about things comes in super handy when you get to the stuff you want from dating: relationships, maybe even starting a family. I'ts what allows you to handle shifts in moods in others—aka the mystery of another person—without processing it as a personal verdict, then "hedging" to see if you can change the verdict.

[Ian4996]

Thanks both, there's some really good points in there on mindset that I'll take away. I like the thought of going after what I want, rather than worrying about what she wants.

 

I think a couple of practical things I can also take away are:

 

know my schedule. When I was umm'ing and ahh'ing, what was actually going round in my head was 'what have I got on next weekend? I think I've got tennis Sunday morning (or was that the week after?) and I think I might've already arranged something for Saturday night with the Meetup group but I'm not certain, hmmmm, I'll have to check when I get home etc etc.' It was this uncertainty over my schedule that made me not nail down a date there and then.

 

Be better organised with time. At the same time as thinking everything above, I was also trying to compute there and then on the spot whether I could actually get to work on time. My brain was going 'right the van is parked 20 minutes walk away but I can probably get there in 10 minutes if I run. Then I need 5 minutes to get changed and then it's probably a 40 minute drive to work if I don't get held up etc etc'. So as you can probably tell, the end of the meet was mega-rushed and this also contributed to the quick and awkward 'I'll text you and we'll sort something' type ending.

 

 

On the subject of the Tinder gold, yeah I'm liking it so far. I went through a good portion of my likes last night and picked out about 5 or 6 women who look to be exactly my type. Have got a couple of meets agreed for this week already, just sorting out the details.

[Batya33]

Here's what I would do. Say "I would love to see you again - are you free next weekend?" Wait for a response. Then say "I will call you (specific time/specific day that day or within 24 hours) and we can make a specific plan". No need to talk about how you don't know your schedule yet, etc - it's implied that most reasonably busy people wouldn't be able to nail down a specific day but you should tell her which day and time of day you plan to call her - that way you're also not asking her to leave her weekend open for too long.

 

If she is not free that weekend then you can ask her when she will be free. If she is enthusiastic about seeing you she will let you know -if she gets wishy washy it's fine to tell her - "sounds good -I'm sure you'll let me know when your schedule frees up, sounds good".

[DancingFool]

Sounds like another big takeaway from this is don't schedule your dates so close to work time that you get tense and distracted by that. Be sure you can actually relax during the date and be fully present without the "gotta get to work soon" running in the back of your mind. That might also contribute to some tension or distraction you are showing, but maybe aren't aware of, thus her surprise that you are more interested than you seemed.

[Ian4996]

Thanks both, some good advice.

 

Got another first meet lined up for tomorrow daytime with Zoe, who I've recently started chatting to on Tinder. She's off work this week and I'm off work in the daytime (I generally work from 3pm onwards in the week) so we're going to go for a walk late morning in her local forest and I'm going to bring the dog.

[Ian4996]

Update (Wed 16th October)

 

Today's meet with Zoe was really good! :D

 

She showed me round her local forest where she goes running and I took the dog. It was very enjoyable - I found Zoe physically very attractive, she's in great shape, we got on really well and towards the end we had a couple of really nice makeout sessions. We've arranged to meet again this Saturday afternoon - she's going to come my way (we live almost an hour apart) and I'm going to return the favour and show her round my local forest.

 

I'm quite a bit more confident than I was with Carmen that there won't be a sudden U-turn change of heart - the end to the meet felt a lot more smooth and I felt like I put into practise very well the lessons learned from the mistakes with Carmen. It was quite a strange one in general in that my expectations for the meet were pretty low - we'd exchanged very few messages so we hadn't built any kind of great e-rapport and I was a bit unsure of whether I fancied her based on her Tinder pictures, but these really didn't do her justice - she was much more attractive in person. Having said all the above, I've done enough dating to know that anything can change.

 

The one 'negative' if you can call it that was a couple of possible 'red flags' - she told me she'd struggled in the past with some mental health issues - anxiety, depression and body dismorphia. I'm kind of wary of things like this because of my past experience - Justine (who I dated 2 years ago and have referred to a number of times in this thread) suffered with depression and it had a hugely destructive effect on our relationship. I got the impression with Zoe that these problems were possibly less of an issue than they had been in the past, but also still there.

I know that by considering these things, I am possibly thinking further ahead than I need to at this stage - as I've been advised in this thread, I should be thinking 'do I want to see this person 1 more time?' and the answer to that question is 'definitely yes'.

[bluecastle]

It was quite a strange one in general in that my expectations for the meet were pretty low - we'd exchanged very few messages so we hadn't built any kind of great e-rapport and I was a bit unsure of whether I fancied her based on her Tinder pictures, but these really didn't do her justice - she was much more attractive in person.

 

Love all this. Wherever this one goes, remember this feeling and approach and see if you can let it be a guide. It's easy math, really: the lower the expectations, the better chances for a good time—to say nothing of the better chances in seeing and experiencing what is actually in front of you, rather than some idea in your head.

 

As for the depression/dysmorphia stuff? Just observe—and, if you don't want to go down those avenues on early dates, delicately take the wheel and see if you can steer things away from it with questions about the things that are triggering genuine curiosity. If you find the topics just keep coming up—well, chalk that up to incompatibility rather than letting it tickle the feather of the inner shrink that resides in us all.

 

But, yes, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Savor the day, look forward to the next.

[Ian4996]

Love all this. Wherever this one goes, remember this feeling and approach and see if you can let it be a guide. It's easy math, really: the lower the expectations, the better chances for a good time—to say nothing of the better chances in seeing and experiencing what is actually in front of you, rather than some idea in your head.

 

Cheers, that's good advice.

 

Updates Fri 18th & Sat 19th October

 

Zoe cancelled unfortunately. We had planned to meet this afternoon, but I got a message this morning basically saying 'I'm not sure if I'm in the right state of mind to be dating at the moment etc etc'.

I feel ok about it but naturally, I am quite hacked off and disappointed. Partly because this was a 2nd meet that I was genuinely excited about and looking forward to, and partly because this keeps happening! Second time in the space of a week that I've met someone I was genuinely keen to see again, who initially agreed to a 2nd meet before then cancelling. I'm also a bit annoyed with Zoe that she left it til the day to cancel because, with more notice, I could've fixed up a first meet with someone else. I haven't replied to her.

 

I think, when sitting back and thinking about it, this 'unsure about dating' thing would probably have come out sooner or later and so, in a way, it's a blessing it's come out after 1 meet rather than after 3 or 4 months. As I mentioned in my last post, I did have reservations about the mental health things Zoe mentioned and not because I don't like talking about them. It's because I've dated someone (Justine) with similar problems in the past and I've experienced the problems they can cause. With Justine, her own emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows very much mirrored how she behaved towards me. She could be loving and adoring one day, bringing me presents, telling me she couldn't wait to see me again. Then, the following day, she could disappear off the face of the earth, or send me one word replies or tell me she wasn't 'sure about everything just at the moment'.

 

I feel that what I've seen with Zoe over the past few days is microcosm of the same emotions and behaviours - we had a great time together on Wednesday, she texted me Thursday telling me she was looking forward to our 2nd meet (i.e. supposed to be today), then this morning, it's totally the opposite. I really don't need that emotional rollercoaster from someone I'm dating and so, although I am disappointed, I do think it's probably a blessing in a way that this has happened so early before I have any real investment.

[Batya33]

If it helps at all I had a few of those about faces situations when I dated. I'm sorry and of course you don't need to reply to her - and yes she was rude in cancelling last minute.

[bluecastle]

Bummer—though it seems like a gift, per your analysis.

 

I could have used that mindset a year ago. Two hot dates, then the nebulous "bad timing" text. My skin is reptile-thick on that stuff, and I had some other irons going, so I didn't give it much thought. A little "oh well" and that was that. Cue the poke a few weeks later, landing at a perfect time—those other irons had gone cold—which led to sweet-sour, hot-cold dance that turned me upside-down for a stretch of my life I can now chuckle at, but wasn't too funny for a moment.

 

Both your attitude and radar sound pretty refined. Stay open, keep being you. If this was easy it wouldn't be interesting, or worth it.