Project Dating!

[Ian4996]

By accident he wrote he was a French speaking person looking only for an English speaking person

 

I hope he wrote this in French! Casting my mind back to GCSE French: "Je parlais Francais. Je voudrais un femme de parlais Anglais". That's probably awful........

 

To be honest, I'm a natural night owl (probably because I've hardly ever worked mornings). But being up early makes me feel really good. I love the feeling of having got loads done but it's still morning. Conversely, if I lie in too late, I feel pretty rubbish for having wasted a decent chunk of the day. But I find it incredibly difficult to make myself get out of bed on the first alarm.

[Batya33]

By accident he wrote he was a French speaking person looking only for an English speaking person

 

I hope he wrote this in French! Casting my mind back to GCSE French: "Je parlais Francais. Je voudrais un femme de parlais Anglais". That's probably awful........

 

To be honest, I'm a natural night owl (probably because I've hardly ever worked mornings). But being up early makes me feel really good. I love the feeling of having got loads done but it's still morning. Conversely, if I lie in too late, I feel pretty rubbish for having wasted a decent chunk of the day. But I find it incredibly difficult to make myself get out of bed on the first alarm.

 

LOL nope! So what helps me is that I have my workout clothes on my nightstand all ready to go and I have really limited time to get my workout in before my son gets up/husband goes back to sleep. Prepping everything the night before helps me a lot.

[Ian4996]

Yeah I try to prepare as much as possible the night before.

 

Had my first date / meet (whatever we want to call it) since rejoining Bumble yesterday and it went great. She was called Sarah and we went for a walk for an hour in the afternoon. Got on really well, she was attractive, we had a good natural vibe and she suggested meeting again this Saturday. So all good, will see where it goes. Maybe helped a bit that one of my best mates is a colleague of hers so I think because we had a mutual connection, it didn't feel quite so much like we were strangers off the internet.

 

Been keeping up the work on gradually getting up earlier. I've set myself a bit of a personal challenge to get out of bed literally 1 minute earlier each morning (gone from 8:42 to 8:38 so far!). The idea being that in 2 months time, I'll be getting up a full hour earlier each morning but I won't have noticed the change because it will have been so gradual.

[Ian4996]

Couple quick dating updates:

Had a 2nd date with Sarah on Friday that (I thought!) went really well. Really good natural vibe, we kissed for a while at the end (we'd both had recent Covid tests done) and she texted me after to tell me what a great time she'd had. I was looking forward to seeing her again.

Fast forward to Sunday (yesterday) and I messaged her asking if she fancied meeting up again this week. She replied saying 'I don't think so, you're a great guy but I don't see any future in it'. I must say, I was quite taken aback. Not that somebody didn't want to see me again (that's happened loads throughout this journal) but that it was so incongruent with what had gone before. The whole vibe had been that we both liked one another and I thought it was a given that we both wanted to see each other again.

Anyway, hey ho, it's one of those things. One thing I've very much learned from dating is that it is incredibly unpredictable.

I also 'met' someone new on Saturday night in quite unusual circumstances. I was out with a few old schoolfriends for our annual Christmas do. As we were leaving at the end, we got engaged in some banter with a group of loud inebriated women that went on for a few minutes. One of them approached me and asked if her friend (who I hadn't actually spoken to) could have my phone number.

I made up an excuse to say no mainly because she hadn't pointed out which friend it was. I realised that if I asked 'which one?' and it turned out to be someone I wasn't attracted to, I could cause offence by then saying 'no thanks'!  

However, a while after I'd left, my friend John phoned me. He'd had to stop behind waiting for his girlfriend to come collect him and, while waiting, he'd got chatting to the woman (Georgie) who'd wanted my number and realised that she was actually really nice and attractive. Quite different to most the group - her group as a whole were in "festive spirits" (i.e. very very loud and drunk). So realising I'd maybe misjudged things a bit, he'd given Georgie my number.  

She texted me later that night and we've been messaging back and to, just trying to find a mutually convenient night to set up a drink. Will see how it goes. 

 

[Ian4996]

Thought I'd quickly update this.

Nothing going on much in terms of dating. Georgie was wishy washy when it came to actually arranging to meet, so I left that. I met another woman, Rachael, off Bumble for a walk last week. Had a good chat but she wasn't really my type in terms of attraction. And now here in the UK, we're in full on lockdown again! So dating isn't happening. I'm keeping some conversations going on Bumble until meeting is possible again. Only messaging once every day or 2 - my enthusiasm for messaging isn't high at the moment, I think mainly because there's no prospect of meeting for a while.

 

In non-dating news, I have now got a new furry friend! His name is Branco. He is big and adorable but not very well trained! Photo attached.

So been taking Branco for a good long walk most mornings and training hard on the running (making fantastic progress at the mo, fitness levels going through the roof) and I've still got a few hours work most days to keep me ticking over. Hope everyone's doing well

 

[Jibralta]

Branco looks very sweet. And happy!

[Ian4996]

Thankyou! That photo was taken when he was in the pound in Spain (I had him imported) but he is very happy here as well!

I met a woman, Caroline, while out walking him the other day. We exchanged numbers and have arranged to meet for a dog walk this Friday. Not a 'date' - there was no mention of that, I just suggested we meet because Branco got on well with her dog and I want him to socialise (he's had very little chance to so far - because he's big, most other dog walkers cross the street when they see him coming). But she was attractive and nice to chat to so will see how we get on. It's interesting (maybe because it's unusual nowadays) to meet someone through 'real life', rather than through an app.

 

By the way, how does this new Journal Club work? Trying to get my head around how it's different to the old journals forum.

[Long Gone]

18 hours ago, Ian4996 said:

Thankyou! That photo was taken when he was in the pound in Spain (I had him imported) but he is very happy here as well!

I met a woman, Caroline, while out walking him the other day. We exchanged numbers and have arranged to meet for a dog walk this Friday. Not a 'date' - there was no mention of that, I just suggested we meet because Branco got on well with her dog and I want him to socialise (he's had very little chance to so far - because he's big, most other dog walkers cross the street when they see him coming). But she was attractive and nice to chat to so will see how we get on. It's interesting (maybe because it's unusual nowadays) to meet someone through 'real life', rather than through an app.

 

By the way, how does this new Journal Club work? Trying to get my head around how it's different to the old journals forum.

Good news on the 'dog walk', hope it goes well!

Must admit I'm not a fan of the new Journal Club, I feel like it has all become hidden away out of sight. If I was visiting the forum I'd never have found it.

I've pretty much given up on my journal now, find it hard enough to find it myself, let alone anyone else. 

[Ian4996]

Haha. It is actually a dog walk! The apostrophes around the outside imply that it's something more untoward 😂

Are you still keeping up the good work that you were documenting in your journal? (i.e. with the weight loss and the mindset) 

I don't think there's any harm in not updating your journal so often (I only do mine every couple of weeks) so long as the lack of journal updates doesn't result in you letting the good work slide. Depends if you need the journal and the feedback to help keep you on track. 

 

[Long Gone]

23 hours ago, Ian4996 said:

Haha. It is actually a dog walk! The apostrophes around the outside imply that it's something more untoward 😂

Are you still keeping up the good work that you were documenting in your journal? (i.e. with the weight loss and the mindset) 

I don't think there's any harm in not updating your journal so often (I only do mine every couple of weeks) so long as the lack of journal updates doesn't result in you letting the good work slide. Depends if you need the journal and the feedback to help keep you on track. 

 

Haha, well hope it goes well!

Yep, all is going well on that front. I've lost the weight I put on over Christmas (7 pounds) so my next target is 17 stone (2 less from where I am) by Easter, and hopefully I can get back on the Lakeland Fells. I've also set up a Facebook page documenting my journey, and I've started writing a book. All very positive, and it's helping my mental health during this lockdown.

Look forward to hearing how the dog walk goes.... (no inverted commas this time!)

[Ian4996]

Thought I'd post a quick update for the first time in a couple of months. Dating is currently going really well! I'll list chronologically the dating things that have happened in the past couple of weeks:

• 4 separate video chats (with 4 different women) that were the bog standard 'perfectly pleasant but no connection', with neither party suggesting a second.
• Chanelle, video date. Now me and Chanelle did actually connect. She had a good personality to bounce off and I think it helped that we both had a few drinks and made an effort - I said to her beforehand "let's both get a couple of drinks in, make it more like a real life date". We had a 2nd a week later, after which she took 10 days to reply. When she did contacted me, she said 'sorry for the lack of contact, been in a bit of a bad headspace'. I empathised but decided to leave it - I don't want to date someone who disappears whenever they're having a bad few days.
•  Dani. We've had 3 video dates that've gone well, 1 in person date that has also gone well, with a 2nd planned next week.
• Eleanor. Enjoyable video date, after which she disappeared and didn't reply. No idea why but haven't pursued it.
• Donna. Enjoyable video date. She wants to meet me for sex once travel restrictions are lifted (she's quite a distance away from me and has made it clear she isn't after a relationship). I'll see how things are going with my other options. I'm not especially looking for casual sex but, having been celibate for over a year now due to lockdowns, I wouldn't be totally averse to it.
• Jess. 2 good video dates and 1 good in person date. 2nd one planned for this weekend
• Nadine. 1st video date scheduled for tomorrow night

So plenty going on. I've been doing a bit of analysis of why things have gone so much better over the past few weeks (anyone who's followed my journal will know that I've had a long succession of 'no spark' 1st meets or 1st meets where there has seemed to be a spark but the woman has bailed on the 2nd).

Firstly, I've probably been more my true self, the type my friends see. I went for a long walk a few weeks ago with my best mate who's recently got divorced and so is now on the dating apps for the first time. He's like a kid in a sweet shop brimming with enthusiasm for it and I think maybe his positivity has rubbed off on me a bit (I was maybe a bit jaded). But on this walk, me and him were chatting about anything and everything and I kind of thought to myself 'this is how I should be when I'm dating. Rather than worrying about saying the right thing etc, just say whatever the h*** I like like I would with my mates'. And I've taken that attitude into my recent dates.

Secondly, I think saying "let's get a few drinks in, make it more like a real date" definitely helps. I've been doing that on all my recent first video dates (they've all been up for doing that too) and it does make it a lot more fun than being stone cold sober

So anyway, will see how everything goes. I hope there's a few people reading this who, even if they don't comment, are finding things useful for their own dating. But even if there's not, I'm going to keep updating this journal every now and again - should be a good entertaining read to look back on in 5 / 10 / 20 years time!  

 

[Jibralta]

37 minutes ago, Ian4996 said:

When she did contacted me, she said 'sorry for the lack of contact, been in a bit of a bad headspace'. I empathised but decided to leave it - I don't want to date someone who disappears whenever they're having a bad few days.

Good move.

44 minutes ago, Ian4996 said:

Firstly, I've probably been more my true self, the type my friends see.... I kind of thought to myself 'this is how I should be when I'm dating. Rather than worrying about saying the right thing etc, just say whatever the h*** I like like I would with my mates'. And I've taken that attitude into my recent dates.

I agree. If you start off by bottling things up, you'll just end up bottling things up the whole time. 

[bluecastle]

Nice to hear from you, Ian, to hear you in such good, buoyant spirits!

 

[Ian4996]

Thanks for the kind words! 

Yeah I'm feeling pretty decent about dating at the moment and am looking forward to seeing where things go. It feels like an exciting time, partly because freedom is on the horizon (our lockdown ends this week here) and partly because suddenly almost every woman I meet wants to see me again (I had a first video date with Nadine last night that also went well) whereas before it was totally the opposite.

I've always said throughout this journal and when speaking to other people about dating that it's important not to get too down about the no connection dates and the 'you're a lovely guy but' messages etc. But at the same time, there's something about being found desirable by women that helps a lot with confidence and I think that confidence then radiates itself the next time I speak to a woman.