Help me break this horrible cycle

[Cyndane]

Dear all,

 

I can't believe I'm writing this but I hope that my sanity will return once I get all this emotional crap off my chest.

 

I feel so empty inside atm and so alienated from people. I feel like I've forgotten how to communicate with people. Like everytime I have to think of what to say next or if what I'm saying is appropriate. Like I have to think twice just in case people think I'm some kind of loser who's talking about some stupid thing that nobody's interested about. Or that they'll end up at laughing AT me for attempting to tell a joke. Its like I've forgotten how to connect with people. Sometimes its like I don't think anyone would ever want to be friends with me.

 

So I end up digging myself into a corner and isolating myself from the world. Afraid peope will judge me. And that's when i start to feel lonely and depressed with my life that I end up wondering why it is that I'm still alive. Sometimes I get frustrated and just end up hurting the people that do care for me - so I eventually end up pushing them all away.

 

So please, if there's anyone out there who can help me break this horrible thing that I'm doing to myself, please help me.

[Trojanmn2]

How longs this been going on?

 

I ask this because I went through the same thing for a little bit. I just felt the same as you do, that whatever I did, I couldn't blend in with anybody. I was stressing so hard why I couldn't talk to females and why would I be trying to impress guys. I had these problems with a few of yours and I'm in a fraternity! Im still joining one as we speak and of course the environment forces you to socialize. Don't get me wrong, I joined the university in my junior year so I am pledging pretty late. I was able to grow and mature outside and away from fraternity influences and I was still social. I found that my inability to communicate with others was because I was being lazy and not actually listening to conversations placed in front of me. I learned my problem with talking to females was EYE contact. It works both ways. Being a little mature than the brothers who joined when they were younger like around 18 is really contrasted with me joining when I'm now 21. I know how a little better to deal with situations maturely.

Now to being stuck in a rut as I call it. Theres a little certain comfort zone that I would to be in before I start being myself. There is nothing wrong with being yourself. If you are trying to be something you're not, then thats the first thing you should fix. I found my niche finally after a month of feeling in the rut that I still have problems communicating or being social. The way i got out of my rut, was just I decided to treat the people who I was nervous around THE SAME way i treat people who I am comfortable around, to a certain extent. I think you're getting too conscious with people, WAY too conscious. What you really have to remember to control is feeling left out and useless. The self-esteem in you is apparently dangerously low. If you are satisfied with who you are, you shouldn't be so afraid of going out and getting to know anybody. If you are worried about appearances, suck it up and work at the things you can improve such as......if you think you're of shape, work out, if you think you're not a good talker, keep trying in different conversations and try different things out. If you are discouraged on what to joke about, really think about what you are saying, if you're unsure what to do, you really need to make a decision and now that there will be consequences, do not worry and be discouraged with failure because you have to know what works. I havent really failed unless you really havent tried. You have to know that being too conscious will get you nowhere. If you're worried how other people feel about you, some people who be able to see right through that.

Isolating yourself isn't the way out. I'm sure that everybody can find their niche in life. It sounds you really need to think some things through fully and be diligent about it. You to need to think realistically and open your mind that nobody knows you like you know you. You have to remember that knowing yourself and being true to what your desires and needs are should be laid down first before anybody else. There are billions of people out there, not being liked shouldn't be a discouragement to bring you down. You really need to be yourself and be sure of what your actions are to be. Only way to accomplish that is having a mature mind about it that usually revolves around experience. Keep at it girl, dont give up!!!

[brahman]

i didnt bother to read your reply only the original post so i might be repeatig myself.

 

 

NOTHING IN LIFE IS EASY

 

life is filled with horrible trial and error's, the only difference between the people who become happy and the people who dont, is a simple matter of not giving up. find what works for you, even if its a little off.

[Alabama]

It seems hard to connect with people at times. There were many times in my life I felt that everyone thought I was a loser. I wondered why I was here. Yet then my answer came. I don't care. I socialize a lot now by not caring what they think. Only my very close friends and family's opinions matter to me...not someone whom makes a comment about me in public. It can be especially hard not to worry about what others say or think about you, and that is what is the hardest hurdle. This won't neccesarily be easy. Nothing in life is. But if you can not care what others think about you, then you've made a big step. Good luck!

[Cyndane]

Thanks to all who have replied.

 

I am trying to be less self conscious of myself. I was at a dinner yesterday and I tried to be more socialable. In some ways, I want people to come talk to me first because I'm afraid to go up to them and start the conversation. I mean, what if they didn't want to speak to me in the first place? And then there's those complete strangers and I keep thinking about how I don't want them to think me a loser if I just suddenly went up and introduced myself.