The 5 year mark

[gersanos]

What is it with a relationship around the 5 year mark? I've read many posts on this site, and have seen it happen with friends and acquantainces that around the 5 year mark many couples split?

 

I say this because I just read a post that mentioned that someone is interested in someone else, but they just got out of a long term relationship (roughly 5 years) and they want at least a year, if not 2, to not be committed. I understand that reasoning. But, my good friend also mentioned to me that her and her guy are going into therapy now. She is 22, but she is mature as anyone can be for her age. She knows she is young, but has been with her bf for 5 years almost, but just doesn't know why she's unhappy and knows that breaking up is the easy way out. She won't just give up, but mentioned that there is something about the 5 year mark. Her brother broke up with his gf about 1/2 a year agoand they were approaching there 5 year mark. Unfortunately, he's a little bit different, and got serious with another girl about a week afterwards, and they're been together ever since.

 

What happens around this time that makes things...stale or cause to break up? The only answers I've heard is "unhappy." Also, I know this is different for everybody, but what would be a reasonable amount of time to be single and just date before getting involved in another serious relationship after getting out of a long term one? A year? Longer? Shorter?

[kskm]

My longest relationship lasted 5 years. You know, I don't know why it seems that this is a difficult barrier to cross. It seems like once you reach this mark it either makes or breaks you. I didn't see anyone for 6 months afterwards, and even then after when I did start dating I took it extra slow. The waiting period is different for everyone. The guy I was with for five years, I was unhappy for about 2 of those years, so I was ready to move on, but not all are.

[hot_to_trot]

Well, I haven't been in a relationship per se for that long, but me and my ex broke up after 3 years. We dated from 22 to 25, he was a year younger than me. I suppose it has a lot to do with circumstances ie. are you eachothers first real loves/relationships. I've always heard that #3 is the big number. 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years. Anyhow, people get to a point where they have to decide whether they want to continue at the same pace, or make the next step (moving in, marriage, etc.) and I think that people feel that it's either break-up, or make the next step, and that kinda pressure is so uneccesary, unless of course one of you is ready to move ahead, and the other is stuck, then obviously that causes a problem, and most likely, a break-up. It sucks, that's for sure. My ex broke it off because he felt that he wasn't ready to go the next step, whereas he knew I was and I think he also needed to explore what was out there since I was his first girlfriend. He also believes that relationships should be fun, carefree, problem-free, and most of all, require no work. He's certainly going to have a rude awakening one day.

[gersanos]

He also believes that relationships should be fun, carefree, problem-free, and most of all, require no work. He's certainly going to have a rude awakening one day.

 

Hot_to_Trot: Hhmm, I got a similar response from a girl I dated before. I was willing to work, she wasn't. She said she'd rather be naive about relationships. She basically wasn't ready for the next step, with me, and with whomever she dated after me. I guess I came to a point in my life where I've dated plenty and have seen what is all out there, and came to a conclusion that it isn't greener on the other side of the fence. Instead, I adjusted my thinking and my priorities. When I was younger I was bad with girls, but now being older my priorities changed and want something stable, fun, and know that it has its ups and downs.

 

I think you are right about being each others first loves/relationships. You learn and grow from each one that didn't work out, and in a way, develop the "skills" to succeed in the next one.