Dating a married person

[DN]

I agree with Hope. And that has been codified into law. Before 'no fault' divorce, you would sue your spouse for adultery and the lover would be named as a co-respondent. And in some places you can sue the lover for alienation of affection.

 

To help someone commit an immoral act is immoral in itself just as to help someone commit an illegal act makes you a co-conspirator and equally guilty in law.

[nebbish]

just away from the morality it's a hell of a thing.

 

short term pleasure-- very nice, very intense. long term: nothing in it.

 

it's one of those things one might be tempted to do once. but afterwards-- even if accomplished in secrecy with perfect lgisitcs, etc. -- it aint's worth it. who do you talk to if you have relationship problems? who can you share neat things with?

 

and if it's just the sex, why not just pay for it cash on the barrelhead?

 

i doubt it is anything one would do twice. it fails a rational cost beneift test. not that there's not benefits: but they cost, and i don't mean in terms of broken marirages, or things like that. although clearly that is an added cost.

 

get divorced first.

[hurtAgain]

hey all,

While I don't agree with dating a married person, I just want to say that there is one right person for everyone. And you may only find this person, your sole mate, after getting married. There is nothing wrong with that. This is how people fall out of love.

 

But I think that the married person should get out of the marriage first.

[stressed1]

I completely agree with that sentiment,

 

however this assumes we all live in a rational, organised, emotionally secure environment and that marriages are easy to leave.....

 

the reality is often very diff, with emtionally inadequate/insecure people not being able to leave until they have the comfort of someone else....and as we know, from the female side of things affairs tend to happen for emotional need reasons, not just bit of se* on the side.

 

so thereforeeee things can and do get messy and thereforeeee affairs will still always happen. How many people leave a job without having another one even though they are fairly confident of getting better one? very few people do this.......

 

 

i do agree, ideally if and when u first think of affairs, or are tempted, people generally find out what its like rather than leaving on the first thought.......

[lonelygrl]

I believe that there are exceptions. When I met my husband, he was still married. The women he was with was aone night stand turned baby truned wedding. Neither cared for each other, but they figured it was the best thing to do for the child. My husband was supporting them the best way he knew how. once they officially separated he and I moved in together. She knew. They remained married for about 2 years, she refused the divorce because she needed his medical insurace. After the divorce only the child would have it. Anyhow, the divorce finalized, he and I got married. His son and I have a great relationship, I love him to death, and his ex and I have become good friends. We get along very well. So with every rule there is exceptions.

[Hope75]

 

however this assumes we all live in a rational, organised, emotionally secure environment and that marriages are easy to leave.....

 

 

so thereforeeee things can and do get messy and thereforeeee affairs will still always happen. How many people leave a job without having another one even though they are fairly confident of getting better one? very few people do this.......

.

 

This does not justify an affair. You are twisting words to suit your situation as the 3rd party in an affair.

 

A marriage is not a job. People leave marriages all the time without having a second marriage or relationship to fall into immediately afterwards. That analogy is absurd.

 

If the marriage is not meeting the needs of both parties involved, counselling can be sought. If the issues are unworkable, the marriage can be ended.

 

The fact is, is someone is cheating on a spouse they are not only cheating the spouse, but themselves and the third party, all of whom get less than all that person has to give.

 

As a person of moral integrity, I would never accept second hand scraps from a married person, especially who will not leave their spouse.

 

It's unacceptable, plain and simple.

[DN]

[quote="Hope75If the marriage is not meeting the needs of both parties involved, counselling can be sought. If the issues are unworkable, the marriage can be ended.

 

The fact is, is someone is cheating on a spouse they are not only cheating the spouse, but themselves and the third party, all of whom get less than all that person has to give.

 

As a person of moral integrity, I would never accept second hand scraps from a married person, especially who will not leave their spouse.

 

It's unacceptable, plain and simple.

 

Well said, Hope - I absolutely agree. There is such a thing a self-control.

[nebbish]

the probabilities are it will come to a bad end anyway. even if one is rash ebough to actually see if the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence, amazingly enough it isn;t and is frequenlty browner.

 

i'm not disagreeing with the morality; but as you point out, the situation can be twisted and adjusted to whatever we want at the moment. i do suggest that as a practical matter the costs outweigh the benefit-- but then, i suppose, one can also believe that it won't happen to oneself-- in the sense that only other people die, for example.

 

bottom line: it's like a hot burner. many people go through life not wanting to touch a hot burner on a stove and in fact do go through life never touching it. others just have to put their hand on the burner. sure they learn first hand what the experience is like-- but they also have a badly burned hand.