fightlife Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 Im going to make this a short as possible. im 28 single all my life until this 35 year old unexpectedly shows interest in me. We have a causal relationship mainly because hes in a new country and unsettled. He wants me to be his girlfriend, but I want friendship now that i have seen some things that irritate me. First-there was chemistry. Now i see he has such poor decision making capability I almost want to smack him myself. instead of looking for a proper job he spends most of his time on his tablet, and wants me to lie next to him to cuddle. Hes quite overweight and drinker/smoker (which i dont find attractive) One thing that really pissed me off is we were supposed to be roommates As he was supposed to help secure an apartment for us thru a friend. He ended up delaying the process and told me to be patient and i feel because of that delayed me and left me in a rut. He sees my need to ask questions and my assertiveness as impatience, while I see him and hes delayed response times as pure laziness. am I being demanding? Also, he is british and I am North indian. I told him im not doing anything sexual with him and he got fired up saying " i should be happy that he's letting me do things to him" i find this entitlement disgusting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluecastle Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 Honestly, it just doesn't sound like you guys are meant to be...anything. Not lovers, not friends. His habits annoy you, as does his emotional disposition—all that is who he is. You can complain about it, or just detach from it and the drama. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fightlife Posted August 16, 2018 Author Share Posted August 16, 2018 yeah, possibly-i didnt know if its because I never dated or if its him. He was charming and is likable. He just doesnt have what I need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 You don't need to hang out with this guy. He seems repulsive to you, so just pull the plug nicely. Do Not live together. It isn't working on any level, friends, lovers, roommates, cuddle-buddies,whatever. The best thing to do is get a place with other friends/roommates and get on some dating apps to find someone more attractive and suitable to you. im 28 single all my life until this 35 year old unexpectedly shows interest in me. Hes quite overweight and drinker/smoker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrina Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 Thank God the roommate thing never happened. You barely know him and you were willing to sign a 1 year lease with the guy? The point of dating is to see, over time, if the person meets your needs or not. You say he doesn't, so why aren't you moving on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fightlife Posted August 16, 2018 Author Share Posted August 16, 2018 who said It was a one-year lease? We were going to move in strictly as roommates anyway. Relationships don't always need clean cut defined lines. Even if it had not worked out as a relationship, we were going to be roommates/friends. Hes easy-going part of the reason I wanted him as a roommate and we had decent chemistry at first. It was supposed to be beneficial as far as saving money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluecastle Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 yeah, possibly-i didnt know if its because I never dated or if its him. He was charming and is likable. He just doesnt have what I need. Yup—and done. That way you don't go into the swamp of blaming him, or yourself. You accept him for who he is, you for who you are—two fine human beings on planet earth who don't serve each other's needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 Why does he need to secure an apartment for you? What do you do for him? Yeah, the guy sounds like a slob, but he isn't hurting anyone nor has he coerced you into being friends or roommates. If he disgusts you, stop being lazy and find other friends and potential roommates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fightlife Posted August 16, 2018 Author Share Posted August 16, 2018 excuse me? Where does it imply HE would be PAYING for the apartment? We would have gone halves. Because I am that type of person. What do I do for him, you ask? Besides being the reliable friend-I actually do not need to list all the things I did do for him-because I don't have to proove it to anyone. " but he isn't hurting anyone nor has he coerced you into being friends or roommates" no-it certainly isn't hurting me physically. But saying something and NOT following thru WASTES people's time-and that will hurt you in the long run. "If he disgusts you, stop being lazy and find other friends and potential roommates." This certainly can be done. Its rare that I hit it off with people so quickly though. He and I both needed to find a place so we thought why not with each other. Thanks for your input-but I didn't like the tone of your message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 No, I asked why he had to be the one to secure an apartment for her majesty. Nothing about him paying everything. You're capable of finding and renting your own dwelling. It's pretty lazy to rely on other people to do things for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 It's just a little out of whack to expect a bunch of hustle from a guy who wants you but you have rejected. Best to forget this idea of him securing an apartment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fightlife Posted August 16, 2018 Author Share Posted August 16, 2018 haha, yes it was through his greek friend. I was told not to get involved and he gets irritated when I ask him questions about it. He told me hes handling it, so thats what I expected. it was a reliability issue. So when it fell thru I wanted to know what exactly happened which he doesnt want to answer. guess ima have to *keep calm and put that crown on.* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 I have no idea why you are involved with this guy. It sounds like you do not like or respect him. You created your own problem. Use better judgement, next time. End it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fightlife Posted August 16, 2018 Author Share Posted August 16, 2018 i did like him. the more I got to know him I started realizing how he really is. You cant judge someone right away, can you? Now that I have more experience I will be able to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 Well....it would seem that now that you know him, there is a major personality clash and complete incompatibility between you two. So instead of trying to force anything to work, be it just friendship, being roommates, or more....probably best that you don't and just walk away from him completely. Find your own place and roommates. Living with this guy is only going to make you miserable. Plus, since you did date kind of, then being just roommates could become really quite messy. Some things are difficult to roll back to platonic level. Don't create a messy living situation for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 He told me hes handling it, so thats what I expected. it was a reliability issue. So when it fell thru I wanted to know what exactly happened which he doesnt want to answer. As time goes by you learn more about people, and your relationship changes according to what you learn. He's charming, but unreliable. +1-1=0. He's not a keeper. And now you know, you like charm AND reliability. Silently thank him for your increase in awareness which will benefit you from here on out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superfan Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 He said you should feel lucky he "lets" you do things to him??? EWWWW Get as far away from that entitled loser as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fightlife Posted August 17, 2018 Author Share Posted August 17, 2018 As time goes by you learn more about people, and your relationship changes according to what you learn. He's charming, but unreliable. +1-1=0. He's not a keeper. And now you know, you like charm AND reliability. Silently thank him for your increase in awareness which will benefit you from here on out. thank you for this mature and wise response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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