To the One Who Broke Me

[Nate2048]

Letter To The One That Broke Me

 

Dear You,

 

Remember me from a year ago? Probably not. I remember you, the shy girl with the beautiful brown eyes. I remember sitting behind you in a marketing class. You were so cute in the way that you focused on your work. Then, we were paired together for a semester. I remember you being so shy around me. Then, you started “accidentally” bumping I go me in class. Before I knew it, we were talking regularly before class. In class, I noticed your arm touching mine and I thought I was crowding your space. Then you gave me your number for our project. Later, you started texting me questions, but I knew that you knew the answers. However, the party soon soured when the guy in class told me that you two talked about children and danced. I was destroyed. I was silent that day because I could not look at you without forcing back tears. A week later, a friend of ours walked into class after you walked in and he walked back out saying that you were all lovey dovey on the phone with someone. I felt sick. I wanted to ask you out, but I hesitated again.

 

Then, we had a great conversation. You told me about how traveled to Geneva, Switzerland and that you loved it. You loved a the country that I loved and I felt like I was meeting my dream girl.However, I also asked you about yourself as a twelve year old and what you wanted to be. You only said that you were a tomboy. My dream girl was embarrassed about being a tomboy when I thought that she was beautiful just because she owned who she was.

 

I remember the day when you got a cold. It was at that moment that I wanted to be yours. I had visions of me sitting next to you, bringing you water, kissing you on the forehead, and letting you rest. I fell in love because of a cold.

 

I remember our first hug. It was my favorite day. You hugged me so tight and I wanted to plant a kiss on your forehead, but that would be moving too fast. Later that week, we talked online and you cried under stress. I knew what I had to do.

 

I walked in that morning to correct your paper, but I had something to tell you. I did not know if you were taken or not, so I told you how I felt. I looked you right in the eyes, told you that I had feelings for you, and walked to class. That afternoon, I waited after class to ask you out to dinner or maybe my friend's wedding, but your friend talked to me.

 

We talked and you became upset with me. So, I gave you the letter that told you my deepest feelings. I told you that I had never loved before, but you made me realize what it looks like. You perfect and my dream girl. When I read your email the following Monday morning, I cried. I lost you. You told me to let go of my dreams and desires. I guess you wanted me to let you go. I read that email ten times that morning. My mother and friends even said that I was not seen romantically.

 

When I saw you that night, I stayed away. I felt like a creep. When you brushed along side me, I walked out. You told me to let go of my dreams and desires, yet you were standing right next to me. I cried in the bathroom and called a buddy. Upon my return, you said that you told your grandma that you did not want a relationship for another three years. I felt used. The last words you uttered to me were “Chris, what time is it?” and you walked out. The last time I saw you, you gave me a handshake in a parking garage after hugging everyone else. My expression of love was received like a plague.

 

When I took up your offer of friendship, you said you never become friends with men. So, I not only lost a potential love, but my friend and favorite person as well before my graduation where I fantasized about giving you a hug and looking deep into your eyes.

 

I decided to throw myself into something else, not love, but a passion. I hope you find the love that you want. I will not chase you. I will not badmouth. I will not hate. I will let you go. I forgive. Go after your heart’s desires. You deserve them.

 

This is on my mind a year later because I still do not know what happened. When you called me at night in a panic over homework, I did not judge. When you asked for my help, I was there.I thought we were in love with each other, but it might have just been on my end. I just pray that I can move on in time. I hope somebody can feel as passionately about me as I felt about you. Until then, I literally need to keep my head in the clouds. I cannot go past that parking garage without thinking about your hand in front of me. I even cut up my alumni card. I can't go back. You should be there because our classmates loved you for you.

 

With “love” and prayers,

 

The Guy from the Past