I did something intimate with my friends brother who is my roommate...Confused

[SherrySher]

His real name is falsetto underwear....but I could be wrong.

[abitbroken]

The whole thing might not happen anyway if he's dumb enough to stays gone all night tonight. Because of he screws up before tomorrow that's a deal breaker like I said in my latest update. And I would not even consider going if it was a first date with a stranger. I don't think I have to worry about the trafficking or leaving me stranded part because he is my good girl friends brother. She would hurt him if he didn't bring me back ok. But that would be something to definitely take seriously if he was just a roommate. So thanks a lot!

 

Seriously -- you are going to another country with this man "as long as he comes home tonight". Please, smarten up. Right now. Sleeping with his ex shouldn't be the dealbreaker -- the fact that he is a roommate, you have a past of abusive relationships with men and therefore don't have a good filter on selecting men - should have both been non-starters. So what a great idea -- first date is to take you out of the country to an extremely dicey town.

 

I am pretty sure he is seeing his ex, and you are the side piece because you are practically throwing yourself at this guy!

[Siantulipgir]

It sounds like you hope just because he hasn't tried any sex in TWO days, it means he wants a relationship or at least to start dating you.

 

He's taking you away because he knows you have no self control when he seduces you. You eagerly jump into his arms and sexually satisfy him. He knows if he puts on a "romantic" act you will have actual intercourse with him.

 

And it will hit you like a punch in the gut the next time he stays overnight with his ex.

 

You will not even consider finding different living arrangements?

 

Ugh he does know how I feel about him so I can't deny he is probably using that to his advantage. I hope he is not thinking that I'm going to sleep with him in Tijuana because I'm not. You think he's trying to break me down so I will ? God I hope he's not trying to play me. I was thinking maybe he wanted to date me because he did ask me out. So I'm just being more naive right? I'm waiting to see if he runs to his ex wife again before I let him take me to bed. I don't want to get hurt. I am willing to consider different living arrangements.

[abitbroken]

I really hope there is not a next time Wise. He just seems to be acting different. It is possible that he could change right and maybe realize that his ex wife is a dead end right?

 

She might not be a dead end. She is the mother of his child and will always be in his life - whether he chooses to pursue a remarriage or its just sex -- it doesn't matter. She is not going anywhere. you are foolish to think so

[abitbroken]

Ugh he does know how I feel about him so I can't deny he is probably using that to his advantage. I hope he is not thinking that I'm going to sleep with him in Tijuana because I'm not. You think he's trying to break me down so I will ? God I hope he's not trying to play me. I was thinking maybe he wanted to date me because he did ask me out. So I'm just being more naive right? I'm waiting to see if he runs to his ex wife again before I let him take me to bed. I don't want to get hurt. I am willing to consider different living arrangements.

 

Well-- if you were't interested in sex - you would be going with a group. you don't go one on one with a man you fooled around with overnight anywhere -- of course you are going to have sex with him because you are very weak. All the protesting about "separate rooms" -- he is going to promise you he won't sleep with anyone else and you will be all over the guy.

[Siantulipgir]

Just be cautious, please. What could have happened was that his ex wife pushed him away and told him he can't go to her anymore, so now he's being nice to you.

 

I will be cautious SherrySher thanks. I really hope you are wrong about the ex wife pushing him away and that he realizes that him and I could date. And that he's not trying to replace a no strings sex with me.

[SherrySher]

I hope I am wrong too, but you know what really bothered me? The way he ran to her the second you wouldn't put out. What kind of man does that?

 

It just made me think that he can't be all that serious about you and he can't care for you like he pretended to if he can bed his ex while you are still in his house.

 

You really should think about that.

[ThatwasThen]

*changes mind*

[Wiseman2]

He's always acting different and changing. Back and forth and like a moving target. You want a fun hot steamy encounter with him and that is fine. But why convince yourself there is a future? That is where your despair lies. Pretending this is more than it really is.

He just seems to be acting different. It is possible that he could change

[MissCanuck]

Unfortunately OP, throughout this thread is has become very clear that this guy is taking full advantage of your naivety and lack of boundaries.

 

He is acting differently and more "caring" because he knows you will fall for the act. And it worked like a charm.

[Wiseman2]

He is who he is. Out prowling all night chasing skirts and she is well aware of this. She is throwing herself at him and into this fling as a middle aged woman who has very clearly and repeatedly seen the reality of him and the entire situation. She's not a 18 y/o ingenue who avoids his lecherous advances but gets lured in through lack of experience or deception.

very clear that this guy is taking full advantage of your naivety.

[boltnrun]

But she IS naive if she honestly "hopes" that because he didn't act like a lech for TWO WHOLE DAYS and he hugged her from behind it means he cares for her and wants a relationship with her. And that asking her to go away with him for the weekend for sex is "asking for a 'date'". I think it's been less than a week since he spent the night with his ex, but she is "hoping" he doesn't do it again because he wants to be romantically with her instead.

 

OP, I'm sure you did go away with him. I certainly hope you don't come back confessing you had intercourse with him because he was acting just so nice!

[MissCanuck]

But she IS naive if she honestly "hopes" that because he didn't act like a lech for TWO WHOLE DAYS and he hugged her from behind it means he cares for her and wants a relationship with her. And that asking her to go away with him for the weekend for sex is "asking for a 'date'". I think it's been less than a week since he spent the night with his ex, but she is "hoping" he doesn't do it again because he wants to be romantically with her instead.

 

OP, I'm sure you did go away with him. I certainly hope you don't come back confessing you had intercourse with him because he was acting just so nice!

 

Exactly. I stand by my description of OP as naive. Perhaps willfully, in this case, but still naive.

 

Age and experience doesn't necessarily preclude someone from having a naive or more childish mindset.

[abitbroken]

Exactly. I stand by my description of OP as naive. Perhaps willfully, in this case, but still naive.

 

Age and experience doesn't necessarily preclude someone from having a naive or more childish mindset.

 

If some guy wanted to take me alone to another country so quickly without having officially dated a year--- i would find that troubling and suspicious. Especially if i didn't speak the language well.

 

are you really this clueless and attention starved??

[Metaltwin70]

'You want a fun hot steamy encounter with him and that is fine. But why convince yourself there is a future? That is where your despair lies. Pretending this is more than it really is.'

 

Wanted to post something exactly along these lines. Completely agree with the above. Nothing whatsoever wrong with two consenting adults having a passionate fling. But, at the age of 48 and given this whole Mexican soap opera story line of a situation, only an unwise individual could hope for this to lead to a long term relationship.

 

OP, I'm at the edge of my seat here: WHAT happened in Tijuana??

[Siantulipgir]

Here's my update. So we didn't go to Tijuana for our date. He took me out for a really nice dinner and dancing instead. We actually had a lot of fun. He took me to a place for the dancing and he didn't stop looking at me. So we got back to the house around 12am. I did have sex with him. I spent the whole night in his bed. Lots of cuddling not just sex. So he had to be at a family thing the next morning which is Sunday. I stayed at the house. He came home happy to see me the Sunday night after we had sex and asked me if I was going to come be in his bed again. But we decided not to after all because we both had to be up early to go to work the next day. Every night this week he has been coming into my room to talk and be with me all his idea. No sex just talking. Btw he has not stayed out all night in almost 1 1/2 weeks now and came home every night after we had sex on Saturday. So I thought I could be stupid enough and put some of my fears aside. But when he got home last night he didn't come into my room or say anything. So I went and knocked on his bedroom door he seemed happy to see me at first asking how my day was and about my work. He smiled at first and seemed into me still. I told him that I missed him. He usually says he misses me back but didn't this time ughhh. I asked him if he was tired and he hesitated to answer. He told me he would talk to me tomorrow which is today when he gets home. The last thing he said to me before I walked out of his room was bye. Now I'm freaking out since last night like something has changed from the time he left for work yesterday until he got home last night. We passed each other in the hallway this morning and he told me good morning and I told him to have a good day. But when he was getting ready to leave in his car for work he avoided eye contact with me and I saw him mouth the words he didn't like me that much anymore. All I could do was go into my room and cry like crazy. I know I deserve this part because everyone on this forum has warned me about him. Wish I had never slept with him. But it just seemed like from his behavior after our date that maybe he wasn't a jerk.

[Wiseman2]

It's time to move out. Jerks are not jerks full time otherwise they would never get laid. Read up on "hit it and quit it" or "pump and dump".

coming into my room to talk and be with me all his idea. Wish I had never slept with him.

[Siantulipgir]

But Wise he was acting like he was really into me after we had sex last Saturday night. Not staying out all night etc. Why would he make a point of coming into my room every night just to talk and be with me non sexually if he had just wanted to screw me and then dump me?? I want to see what happens tonight. But I feel like I need to escape from this house. To move out like you said.

[Siantulipgir]

Maybe I am a little attention starved. But I really like him and it was because I thought he was smart and fun to be around. If you read my update abit you will see I didn't go to Tijuana. Finding his behavior suspicious (please read my latest update ) right now forget about taking me to another country. Thanks!

[boltnrun]

You are so up and down with this man.

 

Is this relationship making you happy? Or are you on a roller coaster ride?

[Wiseman2]

That is your best bet. If this is viable, your moving out would not affect that.

I feel like I need to escape from this house.

[abitbroken]

Maybe I am a little attention starved. But I really like him and it was because I thought he was smart and fun to be around. If you read my update abit you will see I didn't go to Tijuana. Finding his behavior suspicious (please read my latest update ) right now forget about taking me to another country. Thanks!

 

But you still had sex with the guy. You keep focusing on "his idea" - its like whatever he takes the lead on you will automatically do regardless of its whats best for you. Its like a young girl saying "he likes me!! he likes me!! I'll do anything to keep him talking to me!" He is paying attention to you because you put out. You shouldn't give sex to get someone to continue seeing you. If this was a real relationship, you would not have had it yet. You would have cautiously gotten to know eachother for a long period of time wtih no sex or kissing because its awkward dating as roommates

[Siantulipgir]

You are so up and down with this man.

 

Is this relationship making you happy? Or are you on a roller coaster ride?

 

I have to admit it's like a rollercoaster ride. He came home after work and got ready to go to his sisters house and said to me don't worry I will be back telling me to wait up for him. So when he got home at 9:30pm he tells me he missed me and is excited to see me. Hugged me and kissed me hard on the mouth. We sat at the kitchen table talking.for a few minutes. Then he kissed me again. We told each other good night and he went to his room and I went to my room. But just tiesday night and this morning he blew me off go figure. Now back to being affectionate . and not acting like a jerk again. I want to be happy all the time especially just starting out wherever this is going and also the fact that we have only slept together one time.

[Metaltwin70]

Sian,

 

Sadly an occasional bit of 'how's your father', as we sometimes call it here in the UK, is all you're ever going to get from this man.

 

You truly do need to move out as soon as possible, for the sake of your sanity. He doesn't want a relationship with you. He never will want a relationship with you. By living there you're making your situation about 1000 times worse.....

[Siantulipgir]

Sian,

 

Sadly an occasional bit of 'how's your father', as we sometimes call it here in the UK, is all you're ever going to get from this man.

 

You truly do need to move out as soon as possible, for the sake of your sanity. He doesn't want a relationship with you. He never will want a relationship with you. By living there you're making your situation about 1000 times worse.....

 

I hope you are wrong because he has changed some of his behavior. He isn't staying out all night anymore. He tells me where he is going. He never has kissed me like he did yesterday and never in the morning but he did today. You really don't think he can be into me enough for us to have a relationship? So the way he is acting is just so he can still get sex from me?

 

It's going to be even harder for me to move out now having more feelings for him ugh. When he acts distant and avoids me I feel like I'm going to lose my mind and it makes me feel like I'm sh*t to him. I don't like that he brings me up and then drops me back down.