I did something intimate with my friends brother who is my roommate...Confused

[Siantulipgir]

Small update! I decided to be watching for him to come home from work today. So I waited for him to come inside he was actually unloading things into the house from his truck. He looked at me and said hi but with no smile like he usually has when he sees me. I could tell he was nervous and his face was turning bright red. Probably because of the way he behaved with me and the whole comment thing. So I was just as nervous but so happy to see him and really upset at the same time . I told him I missed him the last 3 days like a dummy. He seemed really surprised Ughh. I asked him if we could talk tonight He told me yes. His son is spending the night at his ex wifes house so he told me that he would be right back after he dropped his son off. His son actually has only 1 more week staying at our house. Then he will be back at his moms for the school year. Beside the point anyway. So tonight we will be alone. His sister works graveyard so she won't be home . I'm scared and nervous right now. Now hopefully we can really talk. Not sure if he wants to do some sexually that I should??? But he was giving me that look before he left the same one he gave me the night we did something that is telling me he might want to again. Jumping the gun again I guess?? Any advice about tonight would be appreciated. I think he still thinks I want him just for his d**ck ughh. Just really nervous about opening up and telling him all the feelings I have for him

[HeartGoesOn]

I could be off base, but once you cross that line by involving yourself with a roommate, it changes the dynamics of the living arrangement, (imo). If this situation goes south, it's likely to create an awkward atmosphere.

 

In short, I'd proceed with caution, as this may not go in the direction you're hoping for.

[Siantulipgir]

I know it does change things because I did something already with him. And then he made that making me feel like sh*t comment the other day. Yes I'm actually starting to rethink everything right now. But I was getting feelings before anything happened between us. I will hold my chin up no matter what at least I hope so..

[saluk]

You donn't have to tell him ALL the feelings. Just enough that it's clear what EXACTLY you are looking for, and to verify whether or not he is looking for the same.

[Siantulipgir]

I'm so afraid that he is going to reject me after I share what I'm feeling and that I want to date him.

[Siantulipgir]

Updating again feeling upset he told me at 5pm that he would be back soon after dropping his son off. But didn't get back to the house until almost 10pm. Ughh. He was getting ready to shower and than we were going to talk. But his sister came home unexpectedly. So he.toldi me after she goes to sleep we would talk. I can say that he is tripping over what we did as much as I am. And he is acting really macho lots of machismo. I forgot to mention he is Hispanic and came here to the United States when he was 20yrs old so he is Americanized. But I can tell that there is alot of attitude that he never really showed to me before. I am such a idiot because he Hasn't apologized for that crummy comment he made. But I made the mistake of again blurting out with the fact that I had missed him the last 3 days. He smiled and pinched my cheek and said I know. Ughhh. But like in a full of himself way. Arrogant kind of. His face gets even redder when we have any conversation.. He was avoiding me to because he acted funny.. A facial expression says a 1000 words right?? And still thinks I just want his d*ck I can tell . Maybe he's worried about hurting me of we did get involved?? Need to make it clear that I like him for more than just sex.

[Wiseman2]

Did you move in after he did? Perhaps it's time to address whatever emergency caused you to be homeless? Does she charge you the same rent as him?

 

This:

He had been living here at his sisters house for the last 6 mos. He moved into help her out and save money as she only charges him $250 in rent.

Is inconsistent with this:

He has a really good job doing construction work. Makes really good money.

[j.man]

Staring at him awkwardly, waiting for him to come home, lingering in the kitchen and hoping he'll hear you and come out. You've clearly become obsessed and are fostering what sounds like an incredibly uncomfortable atmosphere, and he most likely regrets ignoring some pretty common sense boundaries rather than take the 5 minutes to rub one out that night. It's not surprising he's chosen to be reclusive and avoidant as of late.

 

Now that's not claiming this guy is any prize himself. He sounds pretty sleazy in his own rite. But I'd completely nix any romantic notions involving the two of you. Any talk that doesn't involve "Hey, it'd be better if we went back to strictly being roommates" would be the wrong talk to have. And, as another poster mentioned earlier in the thread, I'm not sure you're built to be comfortable in the same place as him after this event, so it may be best to look into someone taking your place on the lease.

[abitbroken]

Updating again feeling upset he told me at 5pm that he would be back soon after dropping his son off. But didn't get back to the house until almost 10pm. Ughh. He was getting ready to shower and than we were going to talk. But his sister came home unexpectedly. So he.toldi me after she goes to sleep we would talk. I can say that he is tripping over what we did as much as I am. And he is acting really macho lots of machismo. I forgot to mention he is Hispanic and came here to the United States when he was 20yrs old so he is Americanized. But I can tell that there is alot of attitude that he never really showed to me before. I am such a idiot because he Hasn't apologized for that crummy comment he made. But I made the mistake of again blurting out with the fact that I had missed him the last 3 days. He smiled and pinched my cheek and said I know. Ughhh. But like in a full of himself way. Arrogant kind of. His face gets even redder when we have any conversation.. He was avoiding me to because he acted funny.. A facial expression says a 1000 words right?? And still thinks I just want his d*ck I can tell . Maybe he's worried about hurting me of we did get involved?? Need to make it clear that I like him for more than just sex.

 

You know what --- he sounds like he is someone who feels he has "one over you" - the whole smiling and pinching your cheek that "he knows" you missed him.

Honestly, I would make sure you keep busy with friends, job hunting, whatever you need to do and don't be so available "waiting" for him to catch a glimpse of him. If he is interested, he needs to pursue you. But i still think its an awkward situation with the sister, etc. And i would leave him be. he says "you just want sex" and you are trying desperately to prove him wrong. its like those PUA guys saying to "neg" a woman --- tell her that she is too straightlaced, too loud, that she doesn't seem adventurous or she seems too spontaneous and she will immediately try to prove you wrong to keep you intersted...

 

I agree with Wiseman about focusing on your situation first and straightening that out.

[MissCanuck]

All this waiting up to talk - why not just ask him if he'd like to go and grab a coffee together? Sitting and talking about feelings can be an awkward situation, particularly when you're not actually a couple. The whole atmosphere sounds uncomfortable now.

 

You'll have your answer, then.

[SherrySher]

Staring at him awkwardly, waiting for him to come home, lingering in the kitchen and hoping he'll hear you and come out. You've clearly become obsessed and are fostering what sounds like an incredibly uncomfortable atmosphere, and he most likely regrets ignoring some pretty common sense boundaries rather than take the 5 minutes to rub one out that night. It's not surprising he's chosen to be reclusive and avoidant as of late.

 

Now that's not claiming this guy is any prize himself. He sounds pretty sleazy in his own rite. But I'd completely nix any romantic notions involving the two of you. Any talk that doesn't involve "Hey, it'd be better if we went back to strictly being roommates" would be the wrong talk to have. And, as another poster mentioned earlier in the thread, I'm not sure you're built to be comfortable in the same place as him after this event, so it may be best to look into someone taking your place on the lease.

 

Completely agree.

 

He's also making you look a fool. He knows how you feel, he made you wait ages when he knew you wanted to talk. He doesn't care about you the way you do him.

He is basically taking advantage and then finding excuses for it to not be more than sex.

You really need to ease back, stop obsessing, stop falling all over him. I think you are trying to hard and he is treating you like a jerk.

[DissyLu]

This sounds like a strange high school romance where the two people in question live together

 

OP, you're 48! And, you barely know this man! You're acting like this is your first long term bf of years who's suddenly given you the cold shoulder.

 

Why are you giving him so much power over you? He sounds like a sleaze and doesn't seem to give a cr*p about you so what is there to like about him?

 

I truly don't mean to be harsh, I really don't. I'm just trying to give you a reality check in hopes you'll start putting this into perspective

 

Enough of this silliness. Start looking for a new place and ignore him until you move out...then never speak to him again.

[Siantulipgir]

Update on Ben and I. So yesterday in the morning I came out of the room and he was doing his laundry . He told me that he was really sorry about the comment. He asked me if would I go out with him for breakfast. We had a really good time. We had conversation. He asked me to sit down on the same side of the table so we could sit together. Opened the car door for me etc. Things that a guy would do on a date. So we go back to our house and we are all alone because no one is home. .I knew he wanted to do something again with me. So One went to use the bathroom in my room and when I came out he was sitting on my bed. He reached for me but after the di*k comment from a few days ago I was not ready to sleep with him even though I wanted to so much. I could tell he was upset but we did a repeat of what we did the first time that Saturday. He left the room but I could tell he was still really upset. He gave me this look like don't you want me. Ughhhh But we still hung out together all day his idea. He even said to me that his di*k belonged to me. So his sister came home and our day for hanging out ended. So he told me that he needed to pick up his son from his ex wife's house at 9pm. Here's the really bad part is he didn't come home at all. Crying right now thinking he is with some girl having sex because I wouldn"t let him.

[SherrySher]

Oh my god. Op, this man is a player. It definitely sounds as though he wanted sex, you didn't comply so he went elsewhere.

 

He is a total game player. You need to find other living arrangements as soon as you can.

 

And trust me, even if you did sleep with him, he would have done the same thing. Found reasons to make you feel bad so he could stay away from you until he wanted to use you again.

 

Please, move out of there as soon as you can.

[Wiseman2]

Opening a car door and this comment is not "dating":

He even said to me that his di*k belonged to me.

You already know this is a purely sexual fling and that he is not available for anything but you getting him off.

he needed to pick up his son from his ex wife's. he didn't come home at all.

[Siantulipgir]

I didn't say it was dating but thinking he wasn't just treating like a casual friend either ughhh Idk??

 

Are you saying that he probably was with his ex wife last night having sex?? That he is still has feelings for her so he can't be available to anyone??? I mean he has been divorced for the last 6yrs.

[MissCanuck]

I didn't say it was dating but thinking he wasn't just treating like a casual friend either ughhh Idk??

 

Are you saying that he probably was with his ex wife last night having sex?? That he is still has feelings for her so he can't be available to anyone??? I mean he has been divorced for the last 6yrs.

 

Who knows where he was or what he was doing, but it's becoming more and more obvious he doesn't take you very seriously.

 

Based on your most recent update, he sounds sleazy as hell. I would stay away.

[Siantulipgir]

Yeah I guess he was starting to regret what we did. Ughhh. I have all these feelings for him so for me there would never be going back to just strictly roommates status.

 

.

[Siantulipgir]

So he's not taking my feelings for him seriously or that he's not even serious at all when it comes to possibly having a relationship with me?

 

I mean he wanted to spend the whole day hanging out with me yesterday . It was all his idea. He is being sleazy ughh to say and ask me out to eat. And then to stay out all night,just because I wouldn't let him stick it in me.

[thealchemist]

So he's not taking my feelings for him seriously or that he's not even serious at all when it comes to possibly having a relationship with me?

 

I mean he wanted to spend the whole day hanging out with me yesterday . It was all his idea. He is being sleazy ughh to say and ask me out to eat. And then to stay out all night,just because I wouldn't let him stick it in me.

I seems pretty obvious all he is interested in is sex, you will get his attention because you are convenient.

 

Not because he has feelings or wants something more.

[Wiseman2]

He didn't stay out all night because of you. He stayed out all night because he's a player. you are just one of many to him and sadly he saw how ready willing and able you were to engage sexually with him under such poor circumstances. Have you consulted the right agency regarding your emergency homelessness? That is the first place to start. You can just keep coming on to whatever man happens to be nearby. Try to pull yourself together and focus on moving out of your friends home. That should be your focus, not gratifying him when she's out.

And then to stay out all night,just because I wouldn't let him stick it in me.

[Siantulipgir]

Did you move in after he did? Perhaps it's time to address whatever emergency caused you to be homeless? Does she charge you the same rent as him?

 

This:Is inconsistent with this:

 

Yes she charges me $250 for rent too. He's lived here for a year.

 

I wasn't really homeless because I had a offer from my friend to rent the room I am. I was renting a house and there were code viloations. My landlord is a jerk because the city gave her a 7 day notice to make repairs to the property and instead of complying. She made me vacate the property.

[Siantulipgir]

I have a job with a food manufacturer working there for 15 yrs. I need to start looking for another place to live. Going to see what happens tonight and how he is with me. I didn't come on to him. He came on to me and pursued it big time. I am all over the place and he's all I can think about. Going to try and get it together enough so I can function.

[thealchemist]

He didn't come on to you with the plan to create a meaningful and loving relationship.

 

He come on to you for sex.

 

Assuming that ANY sexual advances are coinciding with the intention of a relationship will leave you wrong a lot more than right.

 

Never assume someone's intentions.

[SherrySher]

Op, to put it as simple as possible, he is using you for sex. He will be nice to you only because he wants something from you. He does not have feelings for you like you do for him.

He wants to bed you and then for you to leave him alone.

 

My suspicions are that he was most definitely with some woman last night. That should prove to you how little you mean to him.