Does he want me or not?

[rubys]

I dated a guy at the beginning of this year. It started well but he soon said how his long term goal was to move away from our current city for work. After having a previous long term relationship finish because of the same reason, I decided we should stop what we had there. Soon after, I regretted my decision, and we decided to keep dating but we ended up just yo-yoing for a couple of months.

 

It all eventually finished about two months ago when we met up and he said that he still wanted to move, but that he’d got a promotion in work and was gonna see what happened there. He told me we couldn’t carry on because we wanted different things.

 

Since then, he likes everything I do on social media, he likes my instagrams, retweets my tweets etc. And I admit, I have fallen in to bad habits of texting him every now and again and starting chatting, but I’ve never mentioned feelings or anything like that! But in a recent text he said he was really happy in his job and it was really working for him.

 

He also comes up on my tinder account quite often so he’s definitely actively dating.

 

So when we text it’s quite platonic, but a few nights ago I had a text in the night which just said ‘xxx’. I didn’t reply because I just didn’t know what he wanted from it!! Was it a call for attention from me?

 

Do you think I’m totally wasting my time worrying about someone who is unavailable to me? Should I cut off from him?

 

My theory is that he does not want to be in a relationship with anyone at the moment, but that soon he will. My irrational fear is that if I lose contact with him by cutting him out then he will forget about me.

 

I’m not sure what to do now because I really like this guy but I don’t want to let myself be messed around by someone who is using me for attention. Will he come back if he wants more?

[DanZee]

Ignore this guy. He's just messing with your head. This usually happens with two people who aren't in relationships and have a lot of time on their hands that would normally be filled with having a relationship. They still want contact with another human being, but it didn't work out. So you get likes and random texts and those sort of things. As soon he gets involved in a relationship, he'll go away. Where you called it quits with this guy, I think you should just ignore him which will make him fade away faster.

[limichelle]

Why chase a ghost?

He said you want different things and to me that shows no interest on his part. I think this back and forth is unhealthy for both of you. I say cut contact with him and move on. Never wait for someone! If a guy really wants to be with you he will make it happen.

[figureitout23]

Oh his makes me sad.

 

You knew what the right thing to do was, you broke it off, and you let your insecurities and anxieties take the wheel and now you're worse off than you were before.

 

You two sound young and it sounds like you played your hand, he knows he has the power now and these power play relationships don't end well.

 

Yes, he is toying with you now because he knows he can, maybe he was hurt by the initial breakup, maybe he got over you and is now just enjoying the attention, either way this is dead in the water.

 

You gotta stop contacting him for reassurance.

 

ETA:

 

Ok so it looks like you've known the answer for months now:

 

 

This back and forth has made me feel awful. I feel like I want to have kids soon and I can see that I’m latching on to something that isn’t right because I’m panicking about the future and being lonely. I also think I went through so much anxiety over my ex, that at the moment I don’t know how to not worry about a man.

 

How do I get out of this horrible mindframe? Stop obsessing about this guy, and get to the point where I can see that I’m worth more than he can offer me? (A casual relationship when he’s feeing lonely). I’m upsetting myself by seeing that I’m devaluing myself so much, but my past experiences have made me feel like I’m not worth much to someone because they’ll always choose their career over me.

 

Are you maybe in denial?

[ThatwasThen]

So when we text it’s quite platonic, but a few nights ago I had a text in the night which just said ‘xxx’. I didn’t reply because I just didn’t know what he wanted from it!!

You do know what he wanted from it. It was clearly a phishing text that would likely have ended up in a booty call had you replied. Good on you for ignoring it.

 

Here is a wake up call for you: He's not interested in you. He tried to end it with you because he was moving away but YOU were silly enough to keep going with him (even though you went through the same thing before). Then when he wasn't moving away, he dumped you for good. He texts you back because he's being polite or he is thinking that you might be good for a booty call at some point.

 

Surely you have experienced what it looks and feels like when a guy is actually into you? Does it look or feel like that with this guy? If you don't know what it looks or feels like when a guy is actually into you then I suggest you read that old banal but true chestnut "He Just Not That Into You."

 

Sorry to be blunt but you're so in denial I had to be.

 

Good luck forgetting this guy... you will have better luck doing that if you block and delete him from all social media instead of creeping him like you have been.

 

*Straight up but: All said with your best interests in mind.