Birdie Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Seven years together and I think it’s all coming to an end. Staying apart this week, feeling quite devastated and incredibly angry. No crazy thing, just growing apart I think. My emotional needs aren’t met....I feel like an annoyance to him. He’s frustrated by the lack of intimacy, but hard when you feel like the other doesn’t even like you anymore. I just don’t really know what to do right now so venting here...I don’t know where I’m going to go. I’m devastated I’m probably losing one of my cats, and splitting them up. Just so so sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Have you two had a good talk about your situation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted July 1, 2018 Author Share Posted July 1, 2018 Kind of? I've said everything I need to say, I've tried to encourage him to talk. He tends to just shut down during serious talks to it's hard to gauge how he's feeling or thinking. So I don't really feel like I have any answers to what he wants. For now we are going to try just spending some time, like a week, apart to organize our own thoughts and feelings then have another conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SGH Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 How old are the two of you? Have you ever broken up before? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 I'm sorry, OP. I was in your shoes a few years ago, after a relationship just a little longer than yours. It's not easy, and that limbo-feeling in between the big talks is so frustrating. I too felt more like a burden than a partner to him, towards the end of the relationship. There were other circumstances that brought it all to an end, and it was indeed for the best, but it's a big change and a new chapter that takes time to adjust to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted July 1, 2018 Author Share Posted July 1, 2018 How old are the two of you? Have you ever broken up before? I'm 28, he's 31. As a couple no we've never broken up before. Personally I've been through a bad breakup before him, so I know if it's over I will come out of everything ok. I like myself enough I'm alright being alone haha. Still just sucks right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted July 1, 2018 Author Share Posted July 1, 2018 I'm sorry, OP. I was in your shoes a few years ago, after a relationship just a little longer than yours. It's not easy, and that limbo-feeling in between the big talks is so frustrating. I too felt more like a burden than a partner to him, towards the end of the relationship. There were other circumstances that brought it all to an end, and it was indeed for the best, but it's a big change and a new chapter that takes time to adjust to. That's exactly what I'm feeling!! Like spending time with me is a chore, with me always worrying if he's enjoying himself or if I'm doing something wrong or is he mad at me or stressed? etc. Like he is going through a rough time right now and has told me he's feeling pretty depressed, I've tried supporting but it just never seems enough. Then it just doesn't seem fair to me to be the brunt of his moods. He needs to take action and steps towards bettering himself, which I've encouraged. It's just hard to see if it's the relationship/life/work that's making us so unhappy...so I think time and space will help. But yes the time in-between talks sucks! And not trying to get ahead of myself and overthink. Hopefully this is something we can work through...who knows. Thank you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SGH Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 You're definitely being mature about this, considering his lack of communication. Space will be your friend here. I hope for your sake it can be worked out, but obviously it's not a situation that can be controlled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thorough Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 That's exactly what I'm feeling!! Like spending time with me is a chore, with me always worrying if he's enjoying himself or if I'm doing something wrong or is he mad at me or stressed? etc. Like he is going through a rough time right now and has told me he's feeling pretty depressed, I've tried supporting but it just never seems enough. Then it just doesn't seem fair to me to be the brunt of his moods. He needs to take action and steps towards bettering himself, which I've encouraged. It's just hard to see if it's the relationship/life/work that's making us so unhappy...so I think time and space will help. But yes the time in-between talks sucks! And not trying to get ahead of myself and overthink. Hopefully this is something we can work through...who knows. Thank you!! I really feel for you as the cold attitude from your partner is emotionally exhausting. It isn't fair he is treating you like that, no excuses for that behavior. I would leave him alone for a little while and see what happens. Take time to enjoy yourself, go out and have a good time, surround yourself w/people you love and things you enjoy doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted July 1, 2018 Author Share Posted July 1, 2018 You're definitely being mature about this, considering his lack of communication. Space will be your friend here. I hope for your sake it can be worked out, but obviously it's not a situation that can be controlled. Thank you, means a lot to me! I hope we can work it out too...just need to take some deep breaths and be patient. And remind myself that I deserve to be happy, regardless of whatever happens. Not going to lie, the urge to send passive aggressive texts is definitely there hahaha. But I've lived that lesson and know better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted July 1, 2018 Author Share Posted July 1, 2018 I really feel for you as the cold attitude from your partner is emotionally exhausting. It isn't fair he is treating you like that, no excuses for that behavior. I would leave him alone for a little while and see what happens. Take time to enjoy yourself, go out and have a good time, surround yourself w/people you love and things you enjoy doing. Thank you! That's the plan for now, just going to be a little selfish and treat myself! I am worried about him and hope he's doing alright too, as much as I want to make him a villain he really isn't a bad guy. But I need to focus on me and he needs to sort himself out. Might go binge watch Outlander. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted July 2, 2018 Author Share Posted July 2, 2018 Annnd struggling now. This sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
limichelle Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Hi Birdie! I remember the day I knew my ten year relationship was over and I feel your pain. It was three years ago and I just sat on the couch binge watching Frasier on Netflix because I felt like I was like Frasier in the sense Frasier had bad experiences with love throughout the entire show. Well I soon bought the whole entire series and watched from episode one. When it came to the last season and Frasier finally finds love. I felt that not only watching the show over a span of a couple months, that I started to get out more and exercise or go places. That I started to count more things I didn't miss or wouldn't miss about my ex then the things I would miss. So when that last episode came where Frasier finds love I felt hope for the first time in a limbotic last three years of trying with my ex and it not working out, that I knew I would find a better love. I guess what I'm getting at is you don't have to watch Frasier to be okay lol you just need to mourn and process this loss. Know that if you two do break up, you will be okay and like that famous song. Love will find you again! Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fwdthinker Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 I'm sorry--limbo land is so hard! Also... Must you split the cats? I would imagine they are bonded to one another and cats Are usually much happier when they have a feline buddy. If you can keep them together (assuming they are in fact bonded) it will be much better for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted July 2, 2018 Author Share Posted July 2, 2018 I'm sorry--limbo land is so hard! Also... Must you split the cats? I would imagine they are bonded to one another and cats Are usually much happier when they have a feline buddy. If you can keep them together (assuming they are in fact bonded) it will be much better for them. Probably one of the worst parts :( I don't want to split them, but when we got them it was kind of understood the one we got first was "his" (he's paid all his bills, etc) and later on we fostered another I loved and adopted her as "mine". They're not that close...his is big and dumb (but adorable and fluffy!) and mine is a scaredy cat who's pretty independent. They don't really spend much time together (fat one chases mine). I do everything for them (care, appointments, etc) but he loves his and the cat loves him. Whereas mine is much more bonded to me. It's something we will need to address once everything is sorted for sure, just hard to give mine up. I think I could care for them better, I don't think he's home enough or organized enough to care for them. But I can't force him to give the one to me. It breaks my heart even more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fwdthinker Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 I'm so sorry. I hope that the best decisions for the welfare of your fur babies are made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robertson Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 I think if it's already 7 years old, then you've talked a lot about it. Breaking the relationship is not the saddest thing that can happen. After all, there are situations and much worse. But if there is a rupture of the relationship, then you need to sharply change the situation to move somewhere or change jobs that would be less to see this person. Otherwise harder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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