I really need some advice, I can't keep going on like this..

[marthaceleb]

I have had a feeling now for a while that my husband is cheating on me. I have confronted him a few times which didn't really help matters. He denied it and said that I didn't have any proof. He is acting really strange at times, I guess on those days that he's cheating. I have noticed that money is missing from our account on certain days, and missing from his wallet too. I don't really have any proof but there is definitely somthing going on. I just can't seem to get any proof. I have checked phone records, and there is nothing there. I have tried phoning hotels in the area, and nothing. (well it was certainly a long shot) but that just tells you how desperate I am. I think it is happening during the day, as he is in sales and can leave work at anytime, and I work during the day, and can't leave. I know him very well. It is our 10th anniversary this year, so I can really tell when there is something different? I can't hire a p.i. because I don't have the money, and he would notice it missing? One thing is for sure, I can't live like this. I feel ill.

 

Any sggestions?

[filmraven]

Could you possibly give more concrete reasoning behind why you believe your husband is having an affair?

 

I trust to believe that you do know your mate well after having spent more than 10 years together but it'll be helpful in replying to your question if you can provide more details

 

Often common warning signs of a cheating spouse/partner, etc. are (and these are only possible suggestions):

 

Your spouse seems bored. Bored with you, with job, with kids, with hobbies, with life in general.

 

Your spouse seems to want danger or thrills in his/her life.

 

There is considerably less intimacy in your relationship. Your sex life is practically non-existent.

 

Your spouse has a low self-esteem.

 

You notice your spouse has a sense of confusion about self.

 

You spouse has become lazy, especially around the house.

 

You can't get your spouse to communicate with you.

 

Your spouse gets very defensive if you mention infidelity or affairs.

 

Spouse is suddenly more attentive than usual.

 

Mate is working longer hours at work.

 

Your spouse is dressing nicer, looking nicer.

 

 

You notice charges on credit card statement that don't make sense.

 

Your spouse is indifferent to family events like birthdays and holidays.

 

You find your partner has been lying to you about a variety of things.

 

Money becomes more of an issue between the two of you.

 

He/she doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore.

 

You can't even get your mate to fight with you.

 

You feel as if you are being avoided.

 

Your partner abandons religious faith.

 

Your spouse seems more secretive.

[mairi]

well first of all you should stop going down his wallet and phone to look for clues, and stop phoning hotels.......this will only make you more worried and feeling worse wen u find nothing to show any proof.........i dont want to make this worse but your story doesnt sound good and the fact the reply he gave u wen u asked him was "you dont have any proof" does sound like hes hiding something and is making a fool out of u. i do have 1 suggestion but it all depends on whether u love him or not and if there are kids involved???

[Day_Walker]

Unless you have proof you are pretty much stuck. Of course you can spend your time scrounging around looking for clues but thats not going to help your mental state at all. I would suggest looking at the roots of this problem and seeing where exactly these feelings are coming from. Obviously you do feel that your reasons are justified but instead you need to see if the problem is within you or if it actually is your husband.

[gimmeegoodlove]

When you get to the point of snooping and searching, you are in real trouble. I have been there. What eventually happens is you find something. Your mind takes over and you build on it every minute, hour, and day until you have lost your mind. Then you start accusing and he is denying it and it becomes a vicious cycle. His remark could have meant he was insulted by you to even accuse him of this and it hurt him or exactly what he said "do you have proof?". Do kill yourself behind it. Tell him how you feel and if he isn't having an affair then ask him to please communicate with you and let you know what is going on with him.

[RayKay]

Um, well, you have snooped (I do not condone snooping by the way) extensively and found nothing...so why are you still looking? I think this is more an insecurity than anything else since if there is no proof it seems he still can't be cleared as you are going to keep looking till you find SOMETHING.

 

Maybe there is something going on, but that does not mean an affair. Maybe he is using money to buy lunch, or gas.....I mean I spend money everyday on something...lol..if my partner was keeping track of that I would feel very violated and distrusted...when I have NOTHING to hide. I prefer upfront communication rather than snooping!

 

Why don't you talk to him and tell him you are feeling like something is not right, but don't accuse, or attack him. He has not really anything to show he has done anything...so don't attack/accuse him.

 

Right now I think you are just setting yourself up for a vicious cycle of snooping, suspicion and lack of trust which WILL destroy your marriage without an affair ever even happening!

 

If he IS having an affair there would be SOMETHING more concrete....even the best liars make mistakes. So look out for them, but don't snoop, and talk to him - there is a reason you feel this way, but it may be your own insecurities...or why your marriage is in a state that would lead him to an affair and address that.