ninjabib Posted April 30, 2018 Author Share Posted April 30, 2018 Now she's text me asking if I want to go a festival with her in a few weeks time. She bought the tickets for my birthday last December. It will mean spending the weekend together in a different city. She has mutual friends to go with but said she wants to go with me?? I'm beyond confused. Has she calmed down? Second thoughts? I feel like saying give it to that guy I saw on WhatsApp profile pic but that's emotional and reactive. She also apologised for the tinder incident saying in hindsight it wasn't the best idea but she thought it funny that he was straight when we both always used to say how camp he was. She said she nevrr mentioned anything else about tinder as that would be weird if it was a random. I dunno what to do. Heart saying yes. Head saying no. Maybe just go along with no expectations? I can't judge her for going for a drink with someone as I've slept with someone when drunk not long after we broke up when she was cold and it felt final. Thought it would make me feel better but made me realise what I lost even more. Someone told me the best way to get over someone is to get under someone but in this instance it was wrong. What are people's opinions? She doesn't know that I know she had a drink with someone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted April 30, 2018 Share Posted April 30, 2018 Unless reconciliation is on the table, this festival trip isn't a good idea at all. You will probably have a lot of fun that weekend, think things are looking up - but what happens if you come back and she insists you two are still just friends and continues to date other guys? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted April 30, 2018 Author Share Posted April 30, 2018 Agreed. Thinking of reconfirming we cannot be friends. I only told her this last week again. Then she has to decide one way or another? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted April 30, 2018 Share Posted April 30, 2018 I don't know, there is no way I would ever invite any of my exes on a trip with me. I don't want any of them to think there's a chance we could reconcile (or even have a casual hookup). So I wouldn't do it. And if I DID, it would be because I'm considering at least hooking up. I USED to hook up with one of my exes because he was good at sex. But I lost my attraction to him and didn't want to hook up anymore, plus he got rude when he realized I didn't want him anymore, so I cut him off. So, if it were me (not saying she thinks the way I do because we're two different people), if I invited my ex on an overnight it would be at least to have a sex hookup. Take that as you like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted April 30, 2018 Author Share Posted April 30, 2018 If she says she's using this as an opportunity to at least be open to working things out I would go. If she says friends I will not entertain it. I thought about saying the above but part of me wants to add in something like "don't you think you should ask the guy you took a pic with instead?" But that's childish and insecure. Leave him out of it? She did say when we went for a drink last week that I seemed much more the old me rather than the cold, distant guy at the end. I said yes I'm paying someone to finish the final jobs on the house for me and knowing no more major mishaps can go wrong combined with finding out I will be made redundant in July (this was such a relief after 4.5months of waiting I don't care any more whether they fired me or kept me) I am stress free. Plus we had a real good time considering how things ended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted April 30, 2018 Share Posted April 30, 2018 What if she says casual hookup with no commitment? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted April 30, 2018 Author Share Posted April 30, 2018 I don't think.i could do that. We used to have amazing sex 5- 10 times a week until she moved in at her parents then it went down to once as her father banned sex in the house so we used to have to wait for everyone to go to sleep and sneak over a field. Insane at our ages I know but her family treated me well and I agreed to respect his house rules. Casual sex would be fun but leave me stuck in limbo. She's also the double of Jennifer Lawrence so she can get the d on tap so she wouldn't need me for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted April 30, 2018 Author Share Posted April 30, 2018 Thanks Gopnik, i appreciate your post. Shes definitely not hooking up with the father. She has been on a date with 1 person though. Whether they hooked up or not i dunno and is irrelevant to me going forward if she wants to try again, shes single, so am i, i've done my thing with another woman during our time apart and regret it. I dont want her back for my ego, i've been a prize fool and will not make the same mistake again. As i said i did try and get her to move in with me approx 18 months ago but the house was a work site. I really just wanted us to get a solid start in life but i lost focus on her and the now in the meantime. Buying the house was a big mistake i admitted that to her at drinksthe other week, i also apologised for my actions and said i will make sure i dont make the same mistakes again and we kinda been in limbo since. I honestly mean if i could turn back the clock and just bought a smaller, modest place together i would. I told her last week when i blocked her on social media in the message i sent that i cannot be friends with her as i cared about her too much and i am not willing to be a 'fake friend' and forsake my own happiness to be a pretend lame male friend. I said i would rather we have nothing if we can't have everything and that i wish her all the best for the future, apologised for my behaviour the last month we were together and said i hope you find happiness and left it at that and then today 1 week on shes asking me to go festival. Its late here and i've just finished work so will go to bed soon but will message her in the AM stating i will go to the festival with her if its to at least TRY and work things out, with no guarantees from either side of course, but if shes asking me to try and friendzone me then i'm sorry but i am out. I never chase, shes always contacted me during our 7 weeks apart so far. I never suffocate people or get clingy cos i know how much i can't stand it myself when people are like that with me. I am ready to walk away, i'd rather try and work things out though don't get me wrong but if she doesnt want to i'll just sell the house in August and ride off into the sunset with my 6 figure profit. Round the world trip here i come if it comes to this, i prefer it doesnt. Shes now finishing Uni in a few weeks and the house will be done in a few weeks so all logistical problems in our relationship can be solved within a month Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted April 30, 2018 Author Share Posted April 30, 2018 Thank you :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted May 1, 2018 Author Share Posted May 1, 2018 Well she was honest and said she wanted to go as friends and have a really good day. Said she didn't want to commit to sorting things out. I thanked her for her honesty and said it's not possible and politely reminded her of the deadline to collect her daughter's things and she's launched a tirade of abuse at me and said stick them outside then you selfish immature p r I k etc. Wowser. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted May 1, 2018 Share Posted May 1, 2018 That's a shame, but at least you know now. You can move forward with your life instead of looking backward. Get her belongings together, set them near the front door, then notify her they will be available until X date. If she sends no one by that date, donate or throw them away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted May 1, 2018 Author Share Posted May 1, 2018 Yeah that's exactly what I said and she went mental. She's calmed down a bit now and said she will send her dad to collect and to contact me himself. Left a real bad vibe about the 5 years ending like this though. I don't wanna end on a sour note should I send a simple.message saying thanks for the memories or leave it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted May 1, 2018 Author Share Posted May 1, 2018 I did remain calm. She said by refusing to be her friend i am showing how selfish i truly am and acting like a little boy. I calmly replied "i have tried to reach out but you are not interested, i respect your decision i am moving on." She said by acting so 'civil' and like a doctor/lawyer in my message about collecting the items it shows that she or our 5 years together doesnt mean anything to me and that im treating her bad like in the last 5 weeks of the relationship. I said "no but i stated in the message last week its impossible for us to be friends so please dont contact me unless you reconsider in the near future and less than a week later you ask me out to an out of town festival and then say only as friends so thats not respecting my feelings so i'm trying to be polite and not engage how we used too " When she said i was treating her bad again i felt a huge wave of guilt come over me like when i realised i negelected her but thats gone now. Then she started answering anything i said with lawyer repsonses eg " Dear Ninja, i am sorry for not respecting your feelings, Signed, Ninjabib ex gf" etc at this point i simply wished her well and said goodbye but then the bad vibe hit me. I will not reply. I also won't get "i miss you" on what would have been our anniversary this weekend Edit - so the strop you think was her reacting badly to me refusing being friendzoned? ie not playing on her terms? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted May 2, 2018 Author Share Posted May 2, 2018 Ok it did seem that way. While it may be over at least it feels.like I got some respect back even though not the outcome I wanted. She won't be in touch again she said have a nice life d1ckhead as her signoff hahah. All.this because i asked her to collect her daughter's belongings within 12 weeks of breaking up. Sheesh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhGreat Posted May 2, 2018 Share Posted May 2, 2018 This chick is an immature nut. Called you names? Have a nice life? Throwing a tantrum because she didn’t get her way? Even if she were to contact you, you are best served to never speak to her again. I read once that you don’t truly know someone until you break up. I now accept that as an axiom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted May 2, 2018 Author Share Posted May 2, 2018 Yes it's weird but I've not seen this side of her before and I don't like it. I already feel.much better about everything. Anniversary day might be tough this weekend but I definitely won't be speaking to her, once that passes I will be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhGreat Posted May 2, 2018 Share Posted May 2, 2018 This is the side when they lose feelings for you. It’s undesirable to say the least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted May 2, 2018 Author Share Posted May 2, 2018 I get that feelings changed and I probably did deserve to get dumped but I only ever meant well and never meant to hurt her so why the hostility? Nevermind. Lesson learned Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhGreat Posted May 2, 2018 Share Posted May 2, 2018 I can only speak for women as I have no experience dating dudes, but for the most part they will blame you for everything at the breakup. The emotions slowly turn from love to resentment over a period of time and the day you are informed she can’t fathom why you are not over things and hurt as she has had time to process the breakup and assumes you should be where she is. . There may be some guilt associated on her behalf and she is angry at you for making her feel that way (jerk...lol). Women want to feel good all the time. They are about fun and adventure and good times and when they don’t feel good they want to stop. Sure, a rare few will stick through issues and communicate before it is too late but most only drop hints and get angry for you for not taking action. Their communication is more indirect. They are also all over the map. Have you ever had a girl cry only to laugh after you smoothed things out a few minutes later? Happened to me countless times. Ever have a guy do that? I haven’t seen it other than a mentally disturbed kid when I was younger. You seem to be handling things logically which is just as foreign to most women as their emotional behavior is to us. You can see patterns in the behavior and start to predict but you’ll never understand why because our brains are not wired like theirs. I had my ex lose it on me after dropping her as a contact on LinkedIn after she dumped me. I also had her blame me for everything tell me about how hurt she was over things she had imagined. Although the event was fake, the hurt was real. Again, I’ll never understand it nor will you. Take the high road and keep your cool. You are right to handle this logically. As a man you have to be a rock - let women change like the weather and stand by your principles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted May 3, 2018 Share Posted May 3, 2018 I get that feelings changed and I probably did deserve to get dumped but I only ever meant well and never meant to hurt her so why the hostility? Nevermind. Lesson learned Meh, she is being immature about this. Her ego is bruised that you don't want to be "friends." Let her get upset. She'll get over it. She is realizing you won't be her Back-Up Boy in case her new fling doesn't work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YY2K Posted May 3, 2018 Share Posted May 3, 2018 After reading everybody's breaking-up stories, I am convinced not to give relationship another chance for at least for 2 - 4 years. People can be so emotionally draining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted May 3, 2018 Author Share Posted May 3, 2018 Meh, she is being immature about this. Her ego is bruised that you don't want to be "friends." Let her get upset. She'll get over it. She is realizing you won't be her Back-Up Boy in case her new fling doesn't work out. Yeah she is being ridiculous, she dumped me as well. THat guy is over already, when she got hostile i said "give my ticket to the guy that was on your whatsapp pic when i blocked you" and she said she went on 2 dates and friendzoned him. Her whatsapp is back to her and her daughter. SHe is so insecure she cannot be by herself i don't think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike5 Posted May 3, 2018 Share Posted May 3, 2018 I can only speak for women as I have no experience dating dudes, but for the most part they will blame you for everything at the breakup. The emotions slowly turn from love to resentment over a period of time and the day you are informed she can’t fathom why you are not over things and hurt as she has had time to process the breakup and assumes you should be where she is. . There may be some guilt associated on her behalf and she is angry at you for making her feel that way (jerk...lol). Women want to feel good all the time. They are about fun and adventure and good times and when they don’t feel good they want to stop. Sure, a rare few will stick through issues and communicate before it is too late but most only drop hints and get angry for you for not taking action. Their communication is more indirect. They are also all over the map. Have you ever had a girl cry only to laugh after you smoothed things out a few minutes later? Happened to me countless times. Man, this is so true. My ex and I were together for 8 years when she nuked me 2 months ago. She told me I "had ignored all the warnings", but her idea of a warning was screaming at me when she was angry. The idea of a rational, calm adult conversation around the table to her fiancee was foreign to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted May 3, 2018 Author Share Posted May 3, 2018 That sucks. Sorry to hear that guys. What kind of hints if any did you get? Mine did actually give me warnings. "You can't be bothered with me" "you don't listen to me" etc to this day I cannot fathom why I didn't act. I just had a real bad month with my head trauma and felt embarrassed so just put my head in the sand. Big mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjabib Posted May 4, 2018 Author Share Posted May 4, 2018 Just venting. She turned up unannounced at 230am while I was asleep. She had been visiting a friend who lives about 2 miles away and was heading home when she had car trouble. The suspension springs had broken on her car so I said she could stay the night at mine. She lives in a village that's very isolated in the countryside so if she had broken down there and the wrong person had driven past who knows what could have happened. Bit dramatic but I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if anything happened to her. We had a little kiss and cuddle and said she loves me and misses me everyday but just cannot see a future together. We had a little further chat and she said She got fed up of waiting for us to live together and she's realised she's never been on her own she goes from relationship to rebound to relationship so she's going to spend a year single. Doing the right thing for her has left me feeling a bit crap this am when I woke up and it's re-awoken the feelings and now she's gone again. Sorry if this is wrong place if there's a venting thread plz move it there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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