Obsessing over a guy I was dating

[rubys]

I was with a partner for 3 years, we lived together and broke up about 6 months ago.

 

At the beginning of this year I started dating a guy. We got on so well, but quickly established we wanted different things. I wanted to stay in our current city and he wants to go and work somewhere else in the world.

 

We dated on and off for about three months, slept together quite a lot, until we finally accepted that we couldn’t get in any further without it being filled with regret because we already know we want different things.

 

So we called it off, but have stayed in contact. He texts every now and again, obviously looking for a bit of an ego boost, saying things like ‘you know how to brighten my day’ etc.

 

I text him yesterday saying a similar thing and he completely shut me down with a reply along the lines of ‘haha ok’.

 

Why can’t I stop thinking about this guy? I know nothing can go on between us. But I keep waking up in the morning and being sad that he’s not here. Even though it was only a short ‘relationship’!

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, it sounds like you are not over your ex and this guy offered some sex and distractions.

[MissCanuck]

Unfortunately, it sounds like you are not over your ex and this guy offered some sex and distractions.

 

I was about to write the same thing.

 

Why did you two break up?

[bluecastle]

Agreed with the above. I'm six months out of a long term relationship myself. In the past I've eased that pain with sex and attention—nothing like the drug of a new body, though, like any drug, the hangover can be bad.

 

This time I've just committed to being alone for a bit, to fully process the big loss as best I can. It's hard. It's lonely. But it's given me time to have real perspective and find strength within so that I'm not reliant on outside attention to fill the void.

 

Let this guy go—these little back and forths aren't serving anyone—and sit with yourself for a bit. You'll feel alone and then...less alone. And you'll make space for the next real thing to be embraced when the time is right.