I’m lost! I wanted to have a baby from my married man lover

[Capricorn3]

My husband doesn’t want. I did open it to him before. But he doesn’t agree and try to be good as much as possible. I feel that something is inside me (a devil maybe). I know i’m not the same woman that he married before and i feel bad for him bec I feel that my love is really getting distant from him now. I’m being unfair, i know. It’s also difficult for me so sometimes i was thinking to make a way to let him hate me and he can insist of divorce, but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do as he will be very upset and he tends to commit suicide for a few time when i am trying to leave him.

OP, I'm sorry you're (it seems) in an unhappy marriage. I see now that you are having this affair with another man, and wanting to have a baby with him, as a way of getting your husband to divorce you. It seems you feel trapped and fear your husband's threats of suicide if you ever leave him. This is all very sad and I feel bad for you. Just know, that it is still a very very big mistake to bring a child into the world as a means to get your husband to divorce you. It is just so wrong on so many levels.

 

Not sure about your culture, but is there any way for you to attend marriage counselling, or individual counselling of some sort?

[Hollyj]

My husband doesn’t want. I did open it to him before. But he doesn’t agree and try to be good as much as possible. I feel that something is inside me (a devil maybe). I know i’m not the same woman that he married before and i feel bad for him bec I feel that my love is really getting distant from him now. I’m being unfair, i know. It’s also difficult for me so sometimes i was thinking to make a way to let him hate me and he can insist of divorce, but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do as he will be very upset and he tends to commit suicide for a few time when i am trying to leave him.

 

It doesn't matter what your husband says. if you do not love him then leave.

 

What you are doing is selfish and cruel. Little could be worse than being cheated on.

 

Tell him that you have been having sex with another man for two years. That should do the trick.

 

Are you going to stay with him forever. Has he made attempts, or told you he would do something?

[Yeppuda]

OP, I'm sorry you're (it seems) in an unhappy marriage. I see now that you are having this affair with another man, and wanting to have a baby with him, as a way of getting your husband to divorce you. It seems you feel trapped and fear your husband's threats of suicide if you ever leave him. This is all very sad and I feel bad for you. Just know, that it is still a very very big mistake to bring a child into the world as a means to get your husband to divorce you. It is just so wrong on so many levels.

 

Not sure about your culture, but is there any way for you to attend marriage counselling, or individual counselling of some sort?

 

I did ask my husband for the counselling before and he’s okay with it. But I asked myself if i am ready?

And i feel i am not, maybe because i am too in love with the other guy. I always tell myself that this is not gonna work but at the back of my head, as long as he’s there for me I’m happy enough. I know i know it’s stupid but couldn’t resist, that’s my main problem.

 

It’s actually help me a lot now those people who comment a straight talk that i am stupid, to give me a slap. I couldn’t imagine myself trap in my current situation bec i wanna wake up too and bring back the real person i ised to be before. It’s like a nightmare that u wanna wake up but something is holding me back.

[Yeppuda]

 

Are you going to stay with him forever. Has he made attempts, or told you he would do something?

 

Are you referring to my husband? Yes he did a few attempts infront of me when i’m almost leaving him. What i worry is he will really do it and all of his family members will blame me.

 

Right now we are okay, showing him my duty as a wife. Coming back home straight from work to cook for him.

But deep down in my mind is pre occupied of other person all the time.

 

Me and my lover met only once a week sometimes just a quick lunch or dinner and not everytime we meet means we make love.

[Cope]

My husband doesn’t want. I did open it to him before. But he doesn’t agree and try to be good as much as possible. I feel that something is inside me (a devil maybe). I know i’m not the same woman that he married before and i feel bad for him bec I feel that my love is really getting distant from him now. I’m being unfair, i know. It’s also difficult for me so sometimes i was thinking to make a way to let him hate me and he can insist of divorce, but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do as he will be very upset and he tends to commit suicide for a few time when i am trying to leave him.

 

Oh Yeppuda I'm so sorry you feel like this, but the only person you are being unfair to is yourself. I'm guessing divorce is a rare phenomenon in your country? I hope not, but even if it is, you can sill divorce him. You will need a great support system. What does your family think about all this? I mean the marriage, I'm assuming they don't know about the affair, but it really doesn't matter. The affair is a symptom of an unhappy life.

 

I don't think there's a "devil" in you. You have the right to fall out of love, it happens. You also have the right to leave the marriage if you want to.

 

May I ask, why doesn't your husband agree? Also when you say he is trying to be good, does he initiate any form of intimacy?

[Yeppuda]

Oh Yeppuda I'm so sorry you feel like this, but the only person you are being unfair to is yourself. I'm guessing divorce is a rare phenomenon in your country? I hope not, but even if it is, you can sill divorce him. You will need a great support system. What does your family think about all this? I mean the marriage, I'm assuming they don't know about the affair, but it really doesn't matter. The affair is a symptom of an unhappy life.

 

Only my mom knows about my affair with the other guy, ofcourse she didn’t agree because both of us are married. In this country where i’m staying, divorce is legal. But obviously there’s a lot of process, financial involvement, family involvement. All of these i have to factor in to the situation.

 

I don't think there's a "devil" in you. You have the right to fall out of love, it happens. You also have the right to leave the marriage if you want to.

 

Thank you! That’s what I felt too. Falling out of love to the man you choose to get married is also a nightmare, that u wish you can stay the same person. =(

 

May I ask, why doesn't your husband agree? Also when you say he is trying to be good, does he initiate any form of intimacy?

 

He initiate to make love but i always rejected him as I feel guilty bec i know i make love with other guy already , and making love with my own husband after what i did on his back is wrong. He doesn’t agree about divorce bec he said eventually if we divorce we will regret it, and difficult to find the person that we can click together. He also put his family in our issue, what people will say about us this and that. I know he loves me deeply (i am consider lucky for that) but then somehow after his childish decision from the past it put me in my current situation now. Sorry for my English, bec it’s not my native language =) I appreciate your advice! Thank you

[Hollyj]

Are you referring to my husband? Yes he did a few attempts infront of me when i’m almost leaving him. What i worry is he will really do it and all of his family members will blame me.

 

Right now we are okay, showing him my duty as a wife. Coming back home straight from work to cook for him.

But deep down in my mind is pre occupied of other person all the time.

 

Me and my lover met only once a week sometimes just a quick lunch or dinner and not everytime we meet means we make love.

 

Hon, then if your husband is so unstable, then he should be in a mental facility/care. You cannot stay with someone for fear that they may harm themselves. His family needs to know of his attempts and the can help him. It sounds like a life in prison for you.

 

You really need to lose both men, as neither is good for you. After the bf leaves, he is gone. This is not love for him.

 

Time to think about yourself, and get yourself out of this. It sounds miserable!

[Hollyj]

He initiate to make love but i always rejected him as I feel guilty bec i know i make love with other guy already , and making love with my own husband after what i did on his back is wrong. He doesn’t agree about divorce bec he said eventually if we divorce we will regret it, and difficult to find the person that we can click together. He also put his family in our issue, what people will say about us this and that. I know he loves me deeply (i am consider lucky for that) but then somehow after his childish decision from the past it put me in my current situation now. Sorry for my English, bec it’s not my native language =) I appreciate your advice! Thank you

 

If someone loves you deeply, they want you to be happy and don;t manipulate you. Your husband is manipulative and controlling. This is not the same as love. You know that you would not regret leaving this situation. He also included the family, which only makes it worse. Your husband is not a good guy.

 

Does your husband work?

[Wiseman2]

You are the typical cheating spouse who blames their partner for their affair. When in fact, you are just being selfish and want the excitement of a lover and the security of a husband you continually lie to, deceive, reject, treat like dirt...all for your own selfish benefit.

 

There is no cultural or language barrier for that. Cheaters, liars and backstabbers like you have been around since the beginning of time. But you come here and want sympathy for your so-called predicament?

He initiate to make love but i always rejected him as I feel guilty bec i know i make love with other guy already

[Yeppuda]

You are the typical cheating spouse who blames their partner for their affair. When in fact, you are just being selfish and want the excitement of a lover and the security of a husband you continually lie to, deceive, reject, treat like dirt...all for your own selfish benefit.

 

There is no cultural or language barrier for that. Cheaters, liars and backstabbers like you have been around since the beginning of time. But you come here and want sympathy for your so-called predicament?

 

I didn’t asked you to sympathise me but you also don’t have the rights to judge me.

I’m already aware that I cheated on him, I lie to him (yes!) but is because i also have my own reason..I didn’t deny all of my wrong doings. This is not i wanted but it just happened.

I never say all men are like this, but do you ever think why ladies cheat on their man?

Sometimes men take us for granted in the beginning, and when we already fall out of love we tend to do our escape to that dark side,

But when we do it we seems the most evil person... but for men? If they do this cheating, lying, backstabbing? They’re image still the same? Why is that so?

[Yeppuda]

If someone loves you deeply, they want you to be happy and don;t manipulate you. Your husband is manipulative and controlling. This is not the same as love. You know that you would not regret leaving this situation. He also included the family, which only makes it worse. Your husband is not a good guy.

 

Does your husband work?

Yes he’s working at the moment, but normally he cannot stay in one company.

He changed job every year...

 

My husband parents beg me not to be angry with him when he do wrong things coz he will tend to do this to himself, so i feel that they are always in the center of our marriage especially living with them in the same house is such a additional factor for me.

[thealchemist]

I didn’t asked you to sympathise me but you also don’t have the rights to judge me.

I’m already aware that I cheated on him, I lie to him (yes!) but is because i also have my own reason..I didn’t deny all of my wrong doings. This is not i wanted but it just happened.

I never say all men are like this, but do you ever think why ladies cheat on their man?

Sometimes men take us for granted in the beginning, and when we already fall out of love we tend to do our escape to that dark side,

But when we do it we seems the most evil person... but for men? If they do this cheating, lying, backstabbing? They’re image still the same? Why is that so?

No one here said that infidelity by a man is fine yet immoral for a woman.

 

I am sure Wiseman thinks any infidelity is wrong and gender doesn't matter.

 

But he is simply pointing out that you have all these justifications for cheating on your husband when there is no possible legitimate thing to justify it.

 

You create a fantasy world where you like to make yourself appear trapped without a choice and your cheating is an "unavoidable" consequence of your "poor me" attitude.

 

You cheat because you are selfish and lack the resolve and strength to do the right thing and end your marriage.

 

You cheat because it is the path of least resistance for your happiness and you don't care about those negatively affected, at least not as much as you care about your own happiness.

 

Do the right thing and end it.

[itsallgrand]

I don't buy you are concerned about your husband committing suicide. No one genuinely concerned with their partners mental health would have an affair and contemplate having the side guys baby all while married and lying .

[Hollyj]

I don't buy you are concerned about your husband committing suicide. No one genuinely concerned with their partners mental health would have an affair and contemplate having the side guys baby all while married and lying .

 

Agree!!!!!!

 

OP, end this relationship with your husband. You are not doing him any favors. Let his family take responsibility.

[ThatwasThen]

OP, you need a good therapist to help you to get your thought process on a more mentally healthy direction. You're emotionally disturbed and you need the help to get your common sense up to par.

[Cope]

I agree with Holly on this, I think your husband is manipulative. You also need therapy as ThatWasThen suggested, not only the reasons she stated, which are more than valid, but I think you are attracted to the same type of man, meaning your lover. You need to sort that out. You are not happy and this already brought you into this situation and it will only get worse. I hope you have a supportive family and/or group of friends, because right now you really need them. Don't listen to him or his family, they are looking out for him, not you. You need to take care of yourself.

 

Is his "childish decision" you are referring to his suicide attempt?

[MissCanuck]

There could not be a more selfish and juvenile reason to have a baby.

 

No child deserves to come into this world under these circumstances. Being a self-centered and self-serving adult is one thing; adding an innocent baby to this mess is quite another, especially for the reasons you cited. It's sheer nonsense.