Dealing With Parents Relationship Breaking Down

[Birdie]

Hey ENA,

 

When it rains it pours! It's been a disastrous month for me and keeps getting worse, but hoping some of the lovelies on here can offer some advice.

 

I'm 28, all grown up and living on my own with my boyfriend of about 6.5 years. Live about a 4 hour drive away from my parents. These past few months they've been fighting more and more and parts of their relationship are coming out to my sister and I. No cheating, but mistrust, financial issues and verbal abuse/arguments that get way out of hand. My mother is quite an angry person and lashes out. Anyways things have come to a head, they are in the process of selling their house (which is adding to stress and planned (I think?) before these arguments) and it sounds like most likely going to be splitting up.

 

How do I cope with this as an adult? I feel silly being upset about it, I mean they both are quite unhappy so if this will make them happier, then great! But I can't help but feel devastated that we'll never have a family dinner again. Or if I get married, we'll have to seat them apart or prepare for drama.

 

And how can I offer support? My mom was bawling on the phone to me today. She doesn't know what will happen, she doesn't know if she can financially support herself...these are her retirement years, she foresaw travelling and fun...not going back to work and living on her own.

 

My dad's been quieter, but he's obviously had enough of her lashing out at him. I understand he deserves to be treated with respect and love. It sounds like he is also going through some financial issues, but won't open up about it (a big part of the mistrust...my mom knows something is up, he won't tell her, she doesn't know the state of their finances and gets upset etc. I don't know how they've arranged it. I know my mom does have some inheritance of her own in her own account so it's not like she's got nothing at all...I really don't know).

 

I want to support both and have them know I love them, but I don't want to be the sounding board for them ranting about the other....So what do I do???

 

My sister lives in the same town so is more involved, but she's heavily pregnant and doesn't really know what to do either. We've been pretty good about being there for each other so far.

[Seraphim]

Unfortunately a parents’ break up hurts us no matter what age we are whether a child or an adult . Luckily as an adult though we can survive on our own . We still want our parents love and support but it’s not imperative . I would say don’t pick sides and just have a relationship with both your parents . Break up of their relationship is just that their relationship and nothing to do with the relationship with you .

[Birdie]

Thank you!