kapitanklos Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 you are right, we are simply 2 people who went on a date and it was extraordinary... if this was a new girl I wouldn't have pursued so much but giving it was her, well I got carried away, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Thank you for your continuous answers... Now I know right now, the only thing I can do is lay low and not message her ( ideally have her initiate any form of contact)... Now I do have some more questions, although I understand that this is the best /only course of action .... why is this so important ? is it because while I'm not texting her she's telling herself :okok he is not that clingy/needy after all? is she testing this out, to see if I will run after all clingy and needy ? does she just need time to process her emotions again ? And another question if what happened Thursday was real ( kissing, missing you, crying , calling me babe, ( I also later found out she's been texting with mom about how happy she was to see me), it would be safe to assume that at a certain point I will hear from her ? Finally, what is a good timeframe, to allow myself to not text her, I mean I know I need her to text first, basically keeping this situation " pending right now" but I am sure a lot of you know how demanding that is... What is a good safe timeframe before reaching out ? 1 week , 2 weeks ? ty You know, there's something very endearing about you, lol. I feel like I'm your mom right now. Okay, so....... yes she's testing you. That's why it's important to not contact and give her space because seeing you stirred up emotions within her, and she does need to process them. Plus, if she's going to miss you, she can't while you're constantly texting/calling/asking her out. Don't forget there's another guy she's seeing too, and she will be comparing. If he's not annoying AF to her and you are, she will back away from you. Truth ! You will hear from her . Don't forget she broke up with you, she initiated contact again, and she agreed to meet up with you. These are good signs because she showed her emotions. She has not, nor will, forget you, so don't worry. You don't need to be in constant communication. And no, you don't need to text her first. It's up to her to initiate again because she was getting annoyed with you . Be patient. Trying to win an ex back is not easy. She has to want it as much as you do. Right now she was feeling crowded. If you don't hear from her, and she celebrates Easter, you can use that day as an excuse to contact her. But do not bring up any relationship stuff. If you do meet up again, keep it short, and fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 you are right, we are simply 2 people who went on a date and it was extraordinary... if this was a new girl I wouldn't have pursued so much but giving it was her, well I got carried away, Confidence>>>>>>>attractive! Desperate>>>>>>>>>>not!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kapitanklos Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 You know, thank you for such a beautifull comment. I am a good guy, 30 years old. I live up in Canada.... so cold. there is something about the way I was raised that causes me to become clingy/needy when a girl backs away.... because I read a lot, I know how not to be clingy and needy and if my friend was in this situation and he would be asking me, I would know exacly what to give as advice, but because I am attached I lose the rationality and become emotionally weak. one thing I will say is that this girl really fell in love with me a lot, you know she was running after me like crazy.... she repeated that I made her fall in love the way other guys didn't... and I dunno now that she reached out after 2 months and we went on that date, is it to crazy to believe that not only she still has emotions but she still loves me.,...? She is testing me huh ? I sort of figure that out... the feeling, is it hard for her to do this, ( like is she having trouble while she is doing it ) or is it just something women do purposely, subconsciously ? and she is testing to see if I will run after her...If I do , I'm clingy /needy if I don't my value rises a bit.... I know the other guy makes me insecure abit, but you know, after one month with me, she was crazy in love, with this guy, she told its been one month, its not serious.... Also I do assume I will hear from her, even it its just when I pay my part of the rent on the 1st of the month, or when I eventually have to go pick up my clothes ( my hidden card) Now I do need to add 2 pieces of information that may, influence how you think, first off she is a young successful lawyer, ( you know the type that has a big character) so to me I feel like she is not weak, I feel like she will try to hide and fight her her feelings extra hard, but when she cracks she cracks for real ( that's why I give so much importance to Thursday night, I am sorry if I am repeating myself, but she put herself out there on the line, she cried, she became vulnerable, things that she would never do usually. she texted my mom, and my mom just told me what she texted her, and I think its is quite relevant ( more below).... So you know, after the breakup she really tried to push me away for 5-6 weeks being strong , saying she never wants to see me again and now well that date, and the days prior and following.... that's why I really feel like she tried to push me away and eventually was unable to.... So the text to my mom, this is FRESH NEWS, which I think can be really relevant ( correct me if I'm wrong) because in the text she is makes reference to thinking of a relationship with me.... ( I really hope this strikes you as much as it just struck me) In regards to her texting my Mom, they had a really good relationship, my mom admitted that my ex texted her a few weeks backs saying that she missed me, and the family... and that while I was on the date with her, she texted my mom saying : I am so happy to see him, we are having supper together after 2 months, a lot of things have happened, I miss him a lot but I feel like he took his old life back like when he was single (friends, going out, ) so I don't know if this could even work out again. I am typing this and I'm almost crying at work, but I am holding it together thanks to this forum and a lot of love from you sweet girl. thank you for everything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 You are very welcome! And okay so I guess I can't be your mom, I thought you were a lot younger, lol, but I'll be more like a big sis :) So with that said........ what struck me here is that she is a lawyer. Strong, confident, independent, smart, all the things that attract a guy. I have to ask why you're paying part of the rent though. Are you on a lease with her? I have been out with lawyers myself and I know they are very intense. Too intense for my liking, actually lol. Intense personalities don't mesh well with needy ones. You did all the reading , you identify your issues, so you have to refocus and change your behavior. She needs to see the change. You have a very good chance of getting back with her. But you must, must , must show her confidence within yourself. If it means texting friends or family first when you're tempted to get clingy, then do so. Involve yourself in other things that can prove to her that you are capable of having a life independent of her. The contact with your mom is a really good sign. She obviously trusts her and yes she loves you because she would not be in contact with your mom saying things about you if she did not have real feelings involved. She has reservations about you. Are you partying a lot or something? She's very conflicting which shows she's confused because she doesn't want you to be needy, yet she doesn't like that you are acting single. She has a lot to figure out in her own heart and mind. Make sure your mom isn't saying too much, because if your ex feels like she's being pushed to be with you, that will make her retreat. Also make sure your mom doesn't give away too much of how you're feeling or what you're doing, because she won't have much reason to contact you if she has the inside scoop on your life. She isn't going anywhere, she's deciding what to do. Crowding her space don't help her decide any quicker. I know it's really hard sometimes, but patience is absolutely necessary . You must go slow and plan everything out. Like I said earlier, keep any further contact and dates short. Do not talk about the relationship. Be the guy she was initially attracted to, but better. You have a good shot here. Nothing's definite, but I do hope you get what you want :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikey383 Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Mikey!lol! Where's you're advice for the OP?? Hope you're doing good! :) Hey Sweets... Doing great... Yes, I forgot about the advice... But pretty much you nailed it... :) How are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Hey Sweets... Doing great... Yes, I forgot about the advice... But pretty much you nailed it... :) How are you? I'm really good! No more heartbreak hotel over here, lol :) hope you have a nice day! Xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kapitanklos Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 both Mikey and Sweets, man this is consuming me, 3 days of not hearing from her and of it fully consuming me but in those 3 days, amongst walking around with no purpose and depressed I have remained strong, and not caved in to text her. Actually my boss, is a really nice mother figure, and I also came clean to her about this this morning, why I wasn't feeling great... today has been 1 week since our meet and exactly 3 full days since I have heard from her. Yesterday night I almost caved in, but I wrote down the message and just pasted it somewhere else and then came into here to reread all of your comments especially yours sweets. with everyday that passes I can imagine her telling me : yes I felt that Thursday night but it was a mistake bla bla bla.....and on the other hand I'm thinking to myself come on baby, pull through I am here to show you that I love you. The concern that she expressed to my mom over text on our meet was : feels so good to see him, but I am not sure that this could ever work again with the way Gabriel has gone back to his single life ( maybe, just maybe she needs some sort of sign/talk so that she knows that I am there commited to her) that is a nother thought running in my head. She does love me, she does have emotions for me, I also think she is subconsiouly begging for me to find a way to make this work? to show her that ill be a man this time around, that I wont hurt her ,and that the relationship will thrive? Maybe just maybe I need to find a way to communicate this to her ( and by not caving in to text her ) I am showing her that I am playing games.... these were the thoughts in my head when I was about to cave in and text her... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GatorXP Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 both Mikey and Sweets, man this is consuming me, 3 days of not hearing from her and of it fully consuming me but in those 3 days, amongst walking around with no purpose and depressed I have remained strong, and not caved in to text her. Actually my boss, is a really nice mother figure, and I also came clean to her about this this morning, why I wasn't feeling great... today has been 1 week since our meet and exactly 3 full days since I have heard from her. Yesterday night I almost caved in, but I wrote down the message and just pasted it somewhere else and then came into here to reread all of your comments especially yours sweets. with everyday that passes I can imagine her telling me : yes I felt that Thursday night but it was a mistake bla bla bla.....and on the other hand I'm thinking to myself come on baby, pull through I am here to show you that I love you. The concern that she expressed to my mom over text on our meet was : feels so good to see him, but I am not sure that this could ever work again with the way Gabriel has gone back to his single life ( maybe, just maybe she needs some sort of sign/talk so that she knows that I am there commited to her) that is a nother thought running in my head. She does love me, she does have emotions for me, I also think she is subconsiouly begging for me to find a way to make this work? to show her that ill be a man this time around, that I wont hurt her ,and that the relationship will thrive? Maybe just maybe I need to find a way to communicate this to her ( and by not caving in to text her ) I am showing her that I am playing games.... these were the thoughts in my head when I was about to cave in and text her...1. Do not cave under any circumstances. Realise it is counter productive. 2. Breath deeply. 3. Use this time to work on U. 4. Exercise. 5. Use this time to learn about relationship. Study it. Understand what a successful one looks like in your life. 6. Drink Water. 7. Use what you learn and see if it can be applied to this relationship...yes or no is perfectly fine. 8. At some point...when the time is right (not during an abandonment terror episode)( not via text) you will be able to sit down with her and say hey this what I feel a successful relationship looks like in my life, this is why I want it to be with you and this is why I think it can be successful. 9. If 8 fails it's ok. There is no one you need to complete or save u. 10. Repeat 2,4 and 6 daily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikey383 Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 both Mikey and Sweets, man this is consuming me, 3 days of not hearing from her and of it fully consuming me but in those 3 days, amongst walking around with no purpose and depressed I have remained strong, and not caved in to text her. Actually my boss, is a really nice mother figure, and I also came clean to her about this this morning, why I wasn't feeling great... today has been 1 week since our meet and exactly 3 full days since I have heard from her. Yesterday night I almost caved in, but I wrote down the message and just pasted it somewhere else and then came into here to reread all of your comments especially yours sweets. with everyday that passes I can imagine her telling me : yes I felt that Thursday night but it was a mistake bla bla bla.....and on the other hand I'm thinking to myself come on baby, pull through I am here to show you that I love you. The concern that she expressed to my mom over text on our meet was : feels so good to see him, but I am not sure that this could ever work again with the way Gabriel has gone back to his single life ( maybe, just maybe she needs some sort of sign/talk so that she knows that I am there commited to her) that is a nother thought running in my head. She does love me, she does have emotions for me, I also think she is subconsiouly begging for me to find a way to make this work? to show her that ill be a man this time around, that I wont hurt her ,and that the relationship will thrive? Maybe just maybe I need to find a way to communicate this to her ( and by not caving in to text her ) I am showing her that I am playing games.... these were the thoughts in my head when I was about to cave in and text her... Panie Kapitanie Klos: My father always told me: "Do not show them that you are hurting".... Nie pokazuj ze cie boli.....:) Michal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kapitanklos Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 1. Do not cave under any circumstances. Realise it is counter productive. 2. Breath deeply. 3. Use this time to work on U. 4. Exercise. 5. Use this time to learn about relationship. Study it. Understand what a successful one looks like in your life. 6. Drink Water. 7. Use what you learn and see if it can be applied to this relationship...yes or no is perfectly fine. 8. At some point...when the time is right (not during an abandonment terror episode)( not via text) you will be able to sit down with her and say hey this what I feel a successful relationship looks like in my life, this is why I want it to be with you and this is why I think it can be successful. 9. If 8 fails it's ok. There is no one you need to complete or save u. 10. Repeat 2,4 and 6 daily. Thanks for the reply, this sounds an awfull lot like the steps post break up? Why do you recommend I use these steps after having already met up with her once and made her feel such emotions? Because you believe this is back at square one ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GatorXP Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Thanks for the reply, this sounds an awfull lot like the steps post break up? Why do you recommend I use these steps after having already met up with her once and made her feel such emotions? Because you believe this is back at square one ?Pre, during, post...i don't really think that way, I feel labeling things is the beginning step off the path for alot of people. I look for actions with the best expected result. This is what I see. I can feel you freaking out on the inside from here. Let's not slap a bandaid on it. Let's fix it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikey383 Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 I'm really good! No more heartbreak hotel over here, lol :) hope you have a nice day! Xxx Sweets Glad you are rolling with the punches :).... I am doing good also... Just moving forward :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikey383 Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 I know you want her back but being too available won't do the trick. She has to want it bad enough, and right now she doesn't. It would have been better to keep the date short and not get so emotional. Seriously, just back off. You will turn her off if she feels like you're crowding her space. There was too much texting and wanting to hang out again after. You're not in a relationship with her. You're two people who went out for a night again. That's it right now. So treat it as such. If you want to reattract her, you need to be light, happy, fun, and confident. And clingy is not confident. I totally agree with sweets (see sweets I am giving advice...lol).... I also think that she is undecided of what she wants... So, yes... Back off and go be indifferent again... Be like: "I don't give a hoot" When you quit giving a hoot you become 100 times sexier...lol... For some reason, that is how it works... Basically show that you are busy with other things than her... See, when you all of the sudden quit caring... They start caring... So, just don't care no more...or act and fake it... Like I told you earlier: "Do not show that you are hurt".... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kapitanklos Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 I totally agree with sweets (see sweets I am giving advice...lol).... I also think that she is undecided of what she wants... So, yes... Back off and go be indifferent again... Be like: "I don't give a hoot" When you quit giving a hoot you become 100 times sexier...lol... For some reason, that is how it works... Basically show that you are busy with other things than her... See, when you all of the sudden quit caring... They start caring... So, just don't care no more...or act and fake it... Like I told you earlier: "Do not show that you are hurt".... of course, what I am getting from you guys, is that I have 2 options, either I run after her and perhaps she gives me a chance, or no action and wait and hope to god she texts first, at which point ill know its back on... its just hard living in the uncertainty, I know that I wouldn't be able to live in the uncertainity for very long. I was doing fine until I met her a week ago, and she gave me every sign of wanting to work on it and get back together, today I dunno where I am. I know she has been busy, is she thinking of me at all ? Is she thinking about this whole thing ? I know she is still checking my Instagram stories... ALL very valuable opinions guys. thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 How has "running after her" worked so far? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kapitanklos Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 horrible my friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 horrible my friend So that should take "running after her" out of the list of options. Whether you believe me or not, this woman is not the only woman on the planet. I get that right now you can't stomach the idea of allowing another woman to touch you, but if you can stop yourself from looking in the rear view mirror and start looking forward, you will get there. Probably not tomorrow or the next day, but sooner than you might think. I suggest you search for threads where people finally decided to implement no contact and to move forward with their lives. See how they say how much better their lives became once they made that decision and acted on it. Then, search for those who say they just can't possibly move on from their exes, they "can't" block them, and they just need to keep holding onto "hope". See how they are doing. Then compare and contrast. You hold your future in your hands. She doesn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 So glad you didn't cave! Write and throw it away after, or post here. Anything to get your feelings out without bombarding her with them :) Hang in there. It's hard when contact starts and you're waiting on the next time, wondering, but if it's meant to be, it will. My ex contacted me 4 months ago and still does, and I don't initiate. I'm not gonna chase someone who dumped me lol. We aren't together I honestly don't even want to be, but we still like talking to one another anyway. If they want to contact you, they will. If they don't, then you have to respect yourself enough to move on . Which you should be going forward anyway, even while waiting to see what will be with this. Just know she cares and is undecided. You have to treat undecided as a no until you get a yes answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kapitanklos Posted March 23, 2018 Author Share Posted March 23, 2018 So glad you didn't cave! Write and throw it away after, or post here. Anything to get your feelings out without bombarding her with them :) Hang in there. It's hard when contact starts and you're waiting on the next time, wondering, but if it's meant to be, it will. My ex contacted me 4 months ago and still does, and I don't initiate. I'm not gonna chase someone who dumped me lol. We aren't together I honestly don't even want to be, but we still like talking to one another anyway. If they want to contact you, they will. If they don't, then you have to respect yourself enough to move on . Which you should be going forward anyway, even while waiting to see what will be with this. Just know she cares and is undecided. You have to treat undecided as a no until you get a yes answer. Excellent advice, I am giving myself this weekend. Imo if when she is less busy, I don't hear from her, chances are I have to move on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikey383 Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 of course, what I am getting from you guys, is that I have 2 options, either I run after her and perhaps she gives me a chance, or no action and wait and hope to god she texts first, at which point ill know its back on... its just hard living in the uncertainty, I know that I wouldn't be able to live in the uncertainity for very long. I was doing fine until I met her a week ago, and she gave me every sign of wanting to work on it and get back together, today I dunno where I am. I know she has been busy, is she thinking of me at all ? Is she thinking about this whole thing ? I know she is still checking my Instagram stories... ALL very valuable opinions guys. thanks Uncertainty is what makes our life and our world so beautiful... :) Not knowing is what keeps us moving forward... What fun would it be without it???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 24, 2018 Share Posted March 24, 2018 Excellent advice, I am giving myself this weekend. Imo if when she is less busy, I don't hear from her, chances are I have to move on... Sounds good! Keep that mindset , you'll be okay :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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