Question for the ladies. Honest answers please

[Lost 73]

Vegas rubs me the wrong way. I always feel it could cause issues. Thats why if Im in a relationship I wouldnt go there. Id choose a different location for a trip.

 

But yes. He hides his phone, tilts it to the side when typing the code, wont say who hes texting. Hes not open with communication when he does go out with friends. He omits facts. He also has a roaming eye in front of me. So I wonder if hes loose in Vegas would that eye lead to a convo. Hes a very friendly/flirty guy. I only trust him like 60 percent.

 

Couple of things here, Not everything is your business. His phone his privacy, looking we are ALL human something pretty walks by or handsome people look its the gawking when its bad. saying goes I'm married not dead, if you only trust him 60% time to move on

[Lost 73]

There is a big difference between noticing a pretty woman walk by and leering and gawking, Sorry girls even you ladies do it. Guy jogging down the road with no top on fit and abs and sweating and your telling me you don't notice him. call the BULL crap button right there. everyone looks but you cant deny that fact. Every relationship I have ever been in I have noticed the same thing the guy jogging the lady looking, then 10 minutes later a female jogging I get caught looking the SO says something one of those double standards

[katrina1980]

If I sensed my boyfriend didn't trust me, was suspicious of my actions, hovering over looking to see my phone activity, that would feel so oppressive to me, it would actually cause me to want to hide it, even if I had nothing to hide!!

[katrina1980]

There is a big difference between noticing a pretty woman walk by and leering and gawking, Sorry girls even you ladies do it. Guy jogging down the road with no top on fit and abs and sweating and your telling me you don't notice him. call the BULL crap button right there. everyone looks but you cant deny that fact. Every relationship I have ever been in I have noticed the same thing the guy jogging the lady looking, then 10 minutes later a female jogging I get caught looking the SO says something one of those double standards

 

I agree and own it!

 

I recall a specific incident with my recent ex, I went with him to get a haircut (we were out and about and I wanted to watch) and there was another guy next to him getting his cut too and oh man he was hot!!

 

When he got up, he was wearing a sleeveless tee, he looked like he had just worked out, I could not stop staring at him!!

 

I was trying to hide my admiration, but didn't do a very good job of it, my ex noticed my staring at him, but thankfully was cool with it.

 

But yeah personally I think it's human nature to notice attractive people and to look sometimes.

[Hollyj]

Yes. Either you trust him or you don't.

[Hollyj]

Vegas rubs me the wrong way. I always feel it could cause issues. Thats why if Im in a relationship I wouldnt go there. Id choose a different location for a trip.

 

But yes. He hides his phone, tilts it to the side when typing the code, wont say who hes texting. Hes not open with communication when he does go out with friends. He omits facts. He also has a roaming eye in front of me. So I wonder if hes loose in Vegas would that eye lead to a convo. Hes a very friendly/flirty guy. I only trust him like 60 percent.

 

If someone s going to cheat, they are going to cheat.

 

If you don't trust him, then why are you with him? This isn't about Vegas.

[mandeelove]

Well he looks and stares at women. Then goes back to look again and again. If we are in a restaurant he will re-look. etc. Or tells me she is smoking hot, look at her ***... Like Im one of the guys. So yes looking at pretty girls is so normal. This is human nature. But he does it very differently. I always say what does he do when hes actually with the boys ? Lets say he stares hard enough that the female eventually notices him looking. Thats when I feel like chopped liver.

 

And no Im not so into his phone habits that I make him feel smothered or controlled. Or he hides it because I gawk. This guy 100 percent takes his phone with him even moving room to room. Or goes to the bathroom, forgets his phone near me, trots back down just to get it . Puts it in dresser drawers under clothes when we sleep. Its a whole other level. I never said a word about it and those were his habits. Now I know him better and I joke like "whatcha looking at on there "and he gets very defensive.

 

Theres no proof he has done anything wrong but I def dont trust him, so Vegas just threw me for a loop. Will he go to Vegas? Most likely. But I will def not know how to deal with it and I guess what u dont know wont hurt u???

 

I want to say go have fun. But I have no confidence he will tell me anything about the trip. When your SO goes away do they call u daily and discuss how its going? Im sure they do. This guy is not a talker. I might just hear from him a couple times with one word answers. So I feel unsettled in that department. Thats what I mean by poor communication.

[katrina1980]

^^Then why are you with him? Why do you stay?

 

THAT is the issue to be addressed mandee, not whether or not you should "let" him go to Vegas.

 

This is about you, not him.

[Lost 73]

Well he looks and stares at women. Then goes back to look again and again. If we are in a restaurant he will re-look. etc. Or tells me she is smoking hot, look at her ***... Like Im one of the guys. So yes looking at pretty girls is so normal. This is human nature. But he does it very differently. QUOTE]

 

That's the difference between a causal look and gawking its creepy. I think you have the information you need to make about continuing the relationship, no?

[Lost 73]

Yup to me sounds shady, I have gone on many business trips all around the world. Everyday I called my SO and texted when I could. I also let her know what's going on and sent pics face timed etc. So yea he just sounds like the typical Dbag sorry just being honest

[katrina1980]

Yup to me sounds shady, I have gone on many business trips all around the world. Everyday I called my SO and texted when I could. I also let her know what's going on and sent pics face timed etc. So yea he just sounds like the typical Dbag sorry just being honest

 

JMO but labeling him a dbag or any other derogatory name serves no good purpose.

 

This is about mandee and why she has chosen to remain in this toxic relationship with a man who behaves this way..

[Hollyj]

Well he looks and stares at women. Then goes back to look again and again. If we are in a restaurant he will re-look. etc. Or tells me she is smoking hot, look at her ***... Like Im one of the guys. So yes looking at pretty girls is so normal. This is human nature. But he does it very differently. I always say what does he do when hes actually with the boys ? Lets say he stares hard enough that the female eventually notices him looking. Thats when I feel like chopped liver.

 

And no Im not so into his phone habits that I make him feel smothered or controlled. Or he hides it because I gawk. This guy 100 percent takes his phone with him even moving room to room. Or goes to the bathroom, forgets his phone near me, trots back down just to get it . Puts it in dresser drawers under clothes when we sleep. Its a whole other level. I never said a word about it and those were his habits. Now I know him better and I joke like "whatcha looking at on there "and he gets very defensive.

 

Theres no proof he has done anything wrong but I def dont trust him, so Vegas just threw me for a loop. Will he go to Vegas? Most likely. But I will def not know how to deal with it and I guess what u dont know wont hurt u???

 

I want to say go have fun. But I have no confidence he will tell me anything about the trip. When your SO goes away do they call u daily and discuss how its going? Im sure they do. This guy is not a talker. I might just hear from him a couple times with one word answers. So I feel unsettled in that department. Thats what I mean by poor communication.

 

You have posted a lot about this guy, yet continue to stick around.

 

Either you accept his disrespectful behavior, or you end it.

 

I don't know what you want from us?

[mandeelove]

Yup to me sounds shady, I have gone on many business trips all around the world. Everyday I called my SO and texted when I could. I also let her know what's going on and sent pics face timed etc. So yea he just sounds like the typical Dbag sorry just being honest

Thank you. That behavior is what I would like. "Keeping in touch" make your SO feel settled. He doesnt like to do that.... which makes me ask more questions . Then I come off as naggy.

[Hollyj]

JMO but labeling him a dbag or any other derogatory name serves no good purpose.

 

This is about mandee and why she has chosen to remain in this toxic relationship with a msn who behaves this way..

 

I agree. How many of these threads are going to be created questioning/complaining about his behavior.

 

Mandee, you seem to be attracted to drama and dysfunction. Why? He certainly does not sound like any prize.

[Wiseman2]

How long have you been dating? Are you exclusive? Overall it's the disrespect that jumps out, not whether he's in Vegas or not.

Now I know him better

[itsallgrand]

Yes the issue is the relationship, not Vegas.

 

It's like night and day being with someone you feel safe with versus one where you don't.

[katrina1980]

 

^^Then why are you with him? Why do you stay?

 

THAT is the issue to be addressed mandee, not whether or not you should "let" him go to Vegas.

 

This is about you, not him.

 

mandee, I hope you will answer this^, cause I for one am quite curious (and baffled) as to why you (and other women like you) would willingly choose to remain in a situation like what you've described.

 

Your mindset in choosing to stay.

[DancingFool]

If he wants to cheat, he'll cheat. He doesn't need Vegas for that. Vegas or any location for that matter, doesn't suddenly change or alter the person's fundamental values.

 

You don't trust this guy on a good day. He acts like an azz around you. He is shady af. Why are you still with him?

 

If you had a healthy relationship with someone who is actually decent and trustworthy, you'd tell him to have fun in Vegas and wouldn't think twice about it. You are with someone you can't trust anywhere on the best of days....so.....why....why stick around?

[Lost 73]

Thank you. That behavior is what I would like. "Keeping in touch" make your SO feel settled. He doesnt like to do that.... which makes me ask more questions . Then I come off as naggy.

 

most men don't admit that their SO is and should be their best friend. I have found it hard to even sleep alone and not have her next to me. I don't think that is naggy, I call that loving. just means he is not the right one for you. Don't settle there are millions of men out there

[Lost 73]

Gonna be honest I have taken vacations with out my SO but guy trips like hunting and fishing trips. If I was going to a place like Vegas I rather it with my SO then the guys. Guys can get drunk and rowdy but the not the same as your SO.

[mandeelove]

most men don't admit that their SO is and should be their best friend. I have found it hard to even sleep alone and not have her next to me. I don't think that is naggy, I call that loving. just means he is not the right one for you. Don't settle there are millions of men out there

I appreciate your opinion thank you

[j.man]

If you had a healthy relationship with someone who is actually decent and trustworthy, you'd tell him to have fun in Vegas and wouldn't think twice about it.

I'm actually not sold on this, and it's a big reason I'm not on-board with the opinion of some others that this has got nothing to do with Vegas (or any other situation requiring trust to navigate).

 

Wouldn't surprise me at all if the OP attracts and seeks to maintain relationships with men like this precisely because she has these kinds of strict boundaries, and the less trustworthy / respectful the guy is, the more justification she feels she has to play enforcer. Dude could be Mr. Rogers reincarnated and I still wouldn't sure she'd be telling him to have a great time in Sin City.

[browneyedgirl36]

If you only trust him "60%" (and, from your description of his behavior, it sounds more like 30%), you shouldn't be with him. He's not the right person for you. It doesn't matter whether its Vegas, New York City, some small, hick town or an island in the middle of nowhere -- a trustworthy person CAN be trusted. Likewise, a shady person can't be.

 

I was incredulous reading your post, to be honest. I agree with those who posted that just about everyone at least notices other attractive people (I'm sure my fiancee does, though I've never really noticed him noticing them, and he would NEVER comment on an attractive woman's appearance in front of me), and we all need a little privacy (we shouldn't feel the need to show our partners everything we're doing on our phones, computers, etc.) but...gawking, doing-double-takes, and commenting on other women's..."assets"? Gross. And taking his phone with him every time he leaves a room? Hiding it in drawers under clothes while he sleeps? (You know he does this so that, if you get up in the middle of the night to take a sneak peek at it, he'll know because his hiding place has been disturbed, right?) At best, that's weird, obsessive behavior. At worst...he's got stuff to hide, and he's guarding his phone like some rare treasure because he doesn't want you reading it and freaking out.

 

To my knowledge, my fiancee has never looked at my phone, even though it doesn't have a passcode and I leave it laying around all the time (and no, I don't take it to the bathroom with me!) His phone has a passcode (he has kids who would mess with his phone if he didn't!) but I know the code (he gave it to me while he was driving one time so that I could unlock his phone and text his kids that we'd be late picking them up.) I've never unlocked his phone without his permission, nor would I, unless it was an emergency. And, he wouldn't look at my phone without my permission unless it was an emergency either. I've gone on trips without him (in fact, I'm going on one next week!) and he's gone on at least one without me, and I've never worried about him. There is absolutely NO way I would be with someone I couldn't trust 100%.

 

Las Vegas isn't your problem. Nor are your boyfriend's friends, or the whole "guys' trip" thing. Your problem is that your boyfriend is untrustworthy, and he would be so no matter where he is. As others have pointed out, a trustworthy person would act appropriately, even in Vegas (and by appropriately I mean not picking up women in bars or hiring prostitutes -- drinking, gambling, even going to a strip club shouldn't be an issue as long as everyone's just looking and not doing anything else). If you don't trust him when he's right there with you, imagine what it will feel like when he's NOT there.

 

As someone else asked earlier in the thread, why be with someone you don't trust?

[mandeelove]

I'm actually not sold on this, and it's a big reason I'm not on-board with the opinion of some others that this has got nothing to do with Vegas (or any other situation requiring trust to navigate).

 

Wouldn't surprise me at all if the OP attracts and seeks to maintain relationships with men like this precisely because she has these kinds of strict boundaries, and the less trustworthy / respectful the guy is, the more justification she feels she has to play enforcer. Dude could be Mr. Rogers reincarnated and I still wouldn't sure she'd be telling him to have a great time in Sin City.

Not really because all my exes went away on guys trips and I was ok with it. We'd communicate, and all will be well. I might be upset because I missed them but not for any lack of trust. Plus the men I used to date would not go to Vegas.. period. They were not interested or were into lowkey things. This guy just sets me off and his relationship techniques are off. We dont match for the longterm I guess.

[mandeelove]

If you only trust him "60%" (and, from your description of his behavior, it sounds more like 30%), you shouldn't be with him. He's not the right person for you. It doesn't matter whether its Vegas, New York City, some small, hick town or an island in the middle of nowhere -- a trustworthy person CAN be trusted. Likewise, a shady person can't be.

 

I was incredulous reading your post, to be honest. I agree with those who posted that just about everyone at least notices other attractive people (I'm sure my fiancee does, though I've never really noticed him noticing them, and he would NEVER comment on an attractive woman's appearance in front of me), and we all need a little privacy (we shouldn't feel the need to show our partners everything we're doing on our phones, computers, etc.) but...gawking, doing-double-takes, and commenting on other women's..."assets"? Gross. And taking his phone with him every time he leaves a room? Hiding it in drawers under clothes while he sleeps? (You know he does this so that, if you get up in the middle of the night to take a sneak peek at it, he'll know because his hiding place has been disturbed, right?) At best, that's weird, obsessive behavior. At worst...he's got stuff to hide, and he's guarding his phone like some rare treasure because he doesn't want you reading it and freaking out.

 

To my knowledge, my fiancee has never looked at my phone, even though it doesn't have a passcode and I leave it laying around all the time (and no, I don't take it to the bathroom with me!) His phone has a passcode (he has kids who would mess with his phone if he didn't!) but I know the code (he gave it to me while he was driving one time so that I could unlock his phone and text his kids that we'd be late picking them up.) I've never unlocked his phone without his permission, nor would I, unless it was an emergency. And, he wouldn't look at my phone without my permission unless it was an emergency either. I've gone on trips without him (in fact, I'm going on one next week!) and he's gone on at least one without me, and I've never worried about him. There is absolutely NO way I would be with someone I couldn't trust 100%.

 

Las Vegas isn't your problem. Nor are your boyfriend's friends, or the whole "guys' trip" thing. Your problem is that your boyfriend is untrustworthy, and he would be so no matter where he is. As others have pointed out, a trustworthy person would act appropriately, even in Vegas (and by appropriately I mean not picking up women in bars or hiring prostitutes -- drinking, gambling, even going to a strip club shouldn't be an issue as long as everyone's just looking and not doing anything else). If you don't trust him when he's right there with you, imagine what it will feel like when he's NOT there.

 

As someone else asked earlier in the thread, why be with someone you don't trust?

Yes I agree with everything you said. I would never snoop through his phone or anyones phone. I just feel if u have nothing to hide, youd leave it on the table when u run to a room, or not need to take it to the bathroom in your own house. List goes on. I leave my phone everywhere. I leave it next to him. I know I have nothing to hide. If he left it around, let me google on it ,then fine. That builds trust. I remember recently i wanted to check a menu on his phone. He had to hold it as I looked. Idk what that was about.

 

So u and many people are right. Its not the guys trips. Its him. I have to really ask myself why Im with him without full trust.