beccab98 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 No we aren’t into that. I never ran away from home no as a child. I did I guess have abandonment issues from family and last relationships have been walked all over on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beccab98 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 I have told some of things things to my friends because he started to get them involved to him the truth last year. I haven’t told family though. Haven’t told anyone else since now it’s gotten worse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beccab98 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 I never thought of it that way. Maybe because I’m young he did. He said women his age are usually more complicated. So I took it as that only Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Women his age, do not tolerate this type of behavior. This is why he goes after the young ones. Bottom line, he is abusive and not boyfriend material. I think you also need to address why you are attracted to this toxic mess. Have you received any therapy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Please read and educate yourself: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/abby-rodman-licsw/youre-not-going-crazy-5-s_b_8889808.html https://liveboldandbloom.com/02/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beccab98 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 No I haven’t. Just think I can try fix people. This is obviously very out of my hands control Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 No I haven’t. Just think I can try fix people. This is obviously very out of my hands control You can't fix anyone, other than yourself. Trying to fix others, is called codependence. it is not healthy. Also, why would you choose someone that needs to change? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beccab98 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Good point there. Mm.. Just probably hope for the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Good point there. Mm.. Just probably hope for the best. "hope for the best." What do you mean? I really hope that you look at the links I sent. Especially, the second one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beccab98 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Hope that I can drive out the bad and things will be at peace. Yes I was just reading them before. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 You can't "drive" anything out of someone who doesn't want to stop. News flash: He LIKES treating you that way. Yes he does! He loves that he can get you to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. He can get you to take the blame for his bad behavior. I bet you even tell him you love him! You haven't told your family because you know what he's doing is wrong. So, tell your family. If you hesitate, ask yourself why you don't want to tell them. And there will NEVER be peace with this guy. PS: Other women who have "hoped for the best" with an abuser ended up in the hospital or the morgue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beccab98 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Yes I admit all my love to him. Always show my appreciation. Yeah that’s true I know it’s not right deep down. Just never been in anything like this before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Tell your family. Today. And see what they say about him wanting to move you to an isolated area where they'll probably never get to see you. Tell them all the things he accuses you of. Get their reaction to all that and then see if you still "have hope". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beccab98 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Yeah I will say something. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snny Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 This guy is F’ing scary. Literally. Though he just spent a ton for me on birthday 2 days ago I feel guilty to leave him or not try to help. Ok those are gifts, not favors. You don’t owe him a thing just because he gave you a gift. That isn’t how a relationship works. He will use that to guilt you like any typical abuser. You shouldn’t allow it. Said he’s losing his friends. Because he is messed up and psychotic. Who wants to be a friend with someone as controlling as him?? Unless you 2 are both into BDSM Um, wow. Please tell me this was a joke, because a true BDSM relationship is not abusive. There’s consent, communication, even consolation involved. The OP’s bf is straight up violating her rights. Maybe because I’m young he did. He said women his age are usually more complicated. No, those women are more smarter than to put up with his BS. You can be too by telling him to F off. Hope that I can drive out the bad and things will be at peace. Yes I was just reading them before. Thank you Just being straight up with you: are you a licensed therapist? Because if not then you do not have the skills or tools to “fix” someone’s behavior. I work in mental health and I don’t even try to fix my clients- that would turn them off. Your boyfriend needs professional help. Period. And you cannot offer that to him. This is his own problem to work on. I once was like you, and the last time I tried “fixing” someone (my abusive jarhead ex) cost me a concussion from being punched in the head (by him) and a hospital trip. That is what will happen to you if you don’t get the hell out. Your life matters and you are potentially in danger for staying in this relationship. I wish I was kidding. Most of the posters here have been in similar situations or has had a loved one who was a victim to domestic violence. Please listen to the advice given here. No one here has given terrible advice that should be avoided. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 says he isn't good enough and I'm blinded by his ugliness and I want other guys always. He is not boyfriend material. You can't prove a negative, and anyone who'd position you to try will make your life a living hell until you recognize that you can't 'win' and you don't want to play anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beccab98 Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 I did the mistake too of lying about my past history with others. His impression is once a liar always a liar. I made it up to seem experienced at the time and now he is resenting me, saying the relationship is based on lies and dishonesty. That he doesn't know whether he can ever trust me because of that. Have I know kind of dug myself a grave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I did the mistake too of lying about my past history with others. His impression is once a liar always a liar. I made it up to seem experienced at the time and now he is resenting me, saying the relationship is based on lies and dishonesty. That he doesn't know whether he can ever trust me because of that. Have I know kind of dug myself a grave What you did before you met him is none of his business. He will hold that against you forever. Don't allow yourself to be abused just because you whitewashed your past. So how did telling your family go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vexna Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 This guy shouldn't be in a relatonship at all, he should work on his selfesteem and put himself together before he even thinks about a relationship. ..Sorry. :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 OP, there is zero amazing about him. He is controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive. He picked you rather than someone his own age because women his own age have been around the block and would run a mile from him. Women his own age aren't "complicated"; they're wiser and know an abuser when they see one. You, on the other hand, are just young enough to be very naive and complacent. He knows exactly what he's doing with you. He's suffocating the life out of the relationship and stomping on your self-worth. He is not stable. You need to get away from him before it gets worse. And believe me, I speak from experience - this will get much worse. And it's nothing you can fix. You will regret staying with him, mark my words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 He will put you in a grave one day. Why haven't you told your family or sought help to escape? If you are being held against your will, call the police. I know kind of dug myself a grave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beccab98 Posted March 14, 2018 Author Share Posted March 14, 2018 Think because he drowns me with gifts and his time and affection.. then fights start with me not saving photos of he and I in my favourites, going through each others social media, supposedly "devaluing our relationship"... I'm not being held against my will, just am scared to lose him, would see him and see things that reminded me of him and breakups suck right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Think because he drowns me with gifts and his time and affection.. then fights start with me not saving photos of he and I in my favourites, going through each others social media, supposedly "devaluing our relationship"... I'm not being held against my will, just am scared to lose him, would see him and see things that reminded me of him and breakups suck right You have to figure out why you value being drowned with gifts -you mentioned his bday gifts in another post. Can't you save up and buy yourself gifts if gifts are important to you? What are you scared of losing? Again, a part of you seems to feel this is him "protecting" or "caring" about you. That is what is a bit scary. Breakups suck. So does wasting years with someone who is so focused on controlling you -it's going to hurt your chances of enjoying a healthy dynamic with someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Think because he drowns me with gifts and his time and affection.. then fights start with me not saving photos of he and I in my favourites, going through each others social media, supposedly "devaluing our relationship"... I'm not being held against my will, just am scared to lose him, would see him and see things that reminded me of him and breakups suck right OP, I say this is in kindness, but you might need some counselling to figure out why you're scared to lose someone who doesn't love or respect you. He loves his control over you, but he doesn't love you as a person. There is a significant difference. And no, not all break-ups suck. Some are extremely liberating and empowering. I experienced this myself when I finally left my abusive ex myself. He started out trying to pull the same BS your boyfriend is; and it got a lot worse. When I left for good, I felt intense relief. Your biggest concern should be your well-being. I guarantee it will be severely compromised if you stick around and put up with this bottom-feeder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 I did the mistake too of lying about my past history with others. His impression is once a liar always a liar. I made it up to seem experienced at the time and now he is resenting me, saying the relationship is based on lies and dishonesty. That he doesn't know whether he can ever trust me because of that. Have I know kind of dug myself a grave Stop with the excuses. Your bf is dangerous and unstable, you need to get away from him. Did you tell your family? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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