Igor1 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 What anger issues is he talking about? I get upset and emotional when I realize he is lying to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blossom314 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Hey, so basically he said he will call you if they break up, to get back with you? and you are ok with letting him know that he is "allowed" to do this. You just told him your value. If you do not see yourself as a Number one woman, please believe he won't. You are telling him you are second best, a plan B or C, an option, not The One. I guarantee that even if they did breakup, he still wouldn't choose you as number one. You show people how to treat you based on your actions. I can almost guarantee you that if you start ignoring this guy, and move on, he will come chasing you. Stop selling yourself short. I can see now why people get upset when we throw around the word narcissism so easily. It's a copout. He doesn't value you. If you want to vent, then post it here but please don't lower your standard to letting him know you will be waiting for him. You are killing his attraction towards you on all levels. People want what they can't have, use that to your advantage and flip the power back to you. Be SMART! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Igor1 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Hey, so basically he said he will call you if they break up, to get back with you? and you are ok with letting him know that he is "allowed" to do this. You just told him your value. If you do not see yourself as a Number one woman, please believe he won't. You are telling him you are second best, a plan B or C, an option, not The One. I guarantee that even if they did breakup, he still wouldn't choose you as number one. You show people how to treat you based on your actions. I can almost guarantee you that if you start ignoring this guy, and move on, he will come chasing you. Stop selling yourself short. I can see now why people get upset when we throw around the word narcissism so easily. It's a copout. He doesn't value you, let it go. If you want to vent, then post it here but please don't lower your standard to letting him know you will be waiting for him. You are killing his attraction towards you on all levels. People want what they can't have, use that to your advantage and flip the power back to you. Be SMART! So block him on all forms of social media and texting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blossom314 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 So block him on all forms of social media and texting? That's your call. I think ignoring is best. Sends a message that you can't be played with anymore. You will create attraction in him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Igor1 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 That's your call. I think ignoring is best. Sends a message that you can't be played with anymore. You will create attraction in him again. And I can show off in a subtle way the nice guy I will be dating on social media to him indirectly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blossom314 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 And I can show off in a subtle way the nice guy I will be dating on social media to him indirectly? Nah, don't do anything to "show" him you moved on. Just move on. Start no contact. The reason he's been away for a year is because you never disappeared from his life. You didn't create a sense of loss since you were still around. Disappear from his life and watch the magic happen. Whether he comes back or not, you will move on and that in and of itself is magical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikey383 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 He kept me around for months until he really liked this girl. Lied to me about seeing her. He would shame me for moving on. When I told him I was seeing someone new he refused to speak to me for a month to let me sorry my feelings out. Turns out he was getting cozy with this new girl instead. He talks about her. He says she isn’t elite and she is someone who he would be settling for. But he wants to see how it goes. Meanwhile he praises me but says that I have a temper and can overthink things and can get very angry and upset when I feel I am being lied to. Which is true. But why did he hav to lie all the time then? The only reason I knew he was seeing someone else was that I made him an Instagram account so I knew the password. I saw he looked up this one girl multiple times when I felt something was off about him not wanting to speak to me at all for a month. I asked him about it multiple times and he finally told me about her. I deleted the Instagram then because I no longer wanted access like that and he refused to change the password. It would be too painful to know all the details. Sounds to me that he is a bit of a NARC... Still, I agree with what everyone has told you... GO FULL NC and stay that way... My ex did similar stuff... Female version of what he is doing to you... It is too much to list on here of what I endured from her... But she is definitely a NARC... There is a lot on line information about NARC's and psychopaths etc... Men and women.... If you want to compare notes, you can contact me privately... But up front, you won't find closure. I found closure by reading and educating myself with on-line stories and articles... The way I see it: He has his new supply, while he is keeping you around (backburner/former supply/doormat) for later use... Technically he is not done yet... NARC's love to discard and often hold on to their sources... And yes they do not like when their old source is moving on (my ex acted upon on that also)... How dare we move on!!!!! Because in their mind, they are not done unless they fully dump you... Sometimes discard is not a full dump... They want you to linger... When you go fully cold, they panic and try to reel you back in... Sometimes months or years later (Depends on the NARC and where they are at with their current supply)... But they do like having that someone, that they know, they can always go back to, that someone that loves them so much, they can just play with as they wish... When you completely go NC, they pull all sorts of stunts... I know, trust me... They are selfish and it is all about them, NOT YOU... It is all about their EGO... All in all it is unhealthy... And the way he is playing you is def unhealthy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikey383 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Nah, don't do anything to "show" him you moved on. Just move on. Start no contact. The reason he's been away for a year is because you never disappeared from his life. You didn't create a sense of loss since you were still around. Disappear from his life and watch the magic happen. Whether he comes back or not, you will move on and that in and of itself is magical. I agree... When I finally broke away for good and went full NC.... And although my ex has herself a new source of supply (new BF), she used *67 to call me 6 months down the road... She did this 2.5 weeks ago and I know it was her... However up until 3 months ago she kept an eye on my life by using a FLYING MONKEY (mutual friend), until I got smart on that also and caught him... So, after she lost all control finally and...Well...boom came the *67 call... I did not pick it up.... You just have to go cold... And stop thinking about him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 And I can show off in a subtle way the nice guy I will be dating on social media to him indirectly? Stop playing games. At least if you want a nice guy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Igor1 Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Stop playing games. At least if you want a nice guy! Agreed! That won’t be right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Is he just lying to me to prevent me from freaking out and going crazy? Why spend time with someone who you don’t see a future with? Because he gets sex and extra attention. Why does anyone cheat. You don't mean anything to him. He does not respect you. He does not care about you. Please get professional help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 And I can show off in a subtle way the nice guy I will be dating on social media to him indirectly? This is getting really sad. He has not wanted you in over a year. I can't respond to this anymore. You continue to go round and round, and are determined to devalue yourself with someone who does not give a sh)t. He cheats, and repeatedly lies, but you continue to hang on to this nothing situation. I truly hope you will find some love/respect for yourself and make some positive change. I think you should also think about how you felt, when he was cheating on you, as you are now that girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 NARC's or Manipulators generally lie that there is someone else, while they are playing you... They also want to be with you while in search of their new supply.... Once they hook on to the new supply, they discard the old supply....or backburner them, keep them around for just in case... Usually they flaunt their new supply via social media (they do not like confrontation)....So, they wouldn't be contacting you directly and discussing their new prospect with you like that.... Once they discard the new supply, then they may resurface and try to win you over again...Especially if they have not secured another source.... Does it matter if someone is a narcissist? Does attaching a condition to someone make it any different? If someone treats you like garbage, they treat you like garbage. Applying terms to bad behavior only excuses it. It is up to us, to stay away from these people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Are you getting help for the mood disorders and suicidal tenancies you alluded to in your thread where you pretended to be her and your ex was your bf? Are you seeing a doctor/therapist regularly and taking the medications? He says he wants me to work on my issues . he says he loves her now. but I need to work on my impulse and anger issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indea08 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Are you serious!? Don't contact me because it's not fair to her, but if we break up I'll text you!? Im sorry, FU*K that guy!! Don't be someone's second choice. He literally told you, I'm picking her but if it doesnt work then I'll give you a try. How disgusting. I seriously hope you value yourself enough to tell this guy to get lost permanently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 And I can show off in a subtle way the nice guy I will be dating on social media to him indirectly? This is terrible. If you're going to date a nice guy, dont use him to try to gain the attention of your ex. Stop game playing. It's no wonder you're in this situation still after a year. If you're trying to make him jealous, it won't work. He would have to care about you for it be effective. Stop contact with the ex. He does not love you, and certainly does not respect you. Keep up the way you are and you'll lose this "nice guy" once he catches onto your game too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 I get upset and emotional when I realize he is lying to me Most people get upset and emotional when they find out that someone they care for has been lying to them. That's a normal reaction, not an "anger issue." What's not normal is lying repeatedly to people that you care about, and not expecting people to become upset or angry when they find out that you've been lying. Are you really staying with him BECAUSE he lies to you? Let it go, Elsa. It's not a competition and he'd be no prize if it was. It is just so hard to let go of him when he lies to me. Tells me sweet nothings. I guess he does really love this girl and she must be great despite EVERYTHING he has told me about her being less elite than him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 And I can show off in a subtle way the nice guy I will be dating on social media to him indirectly? Why would you treat the hypothetical nice guy like this? You don't like being used, so what on earth makes you think it's okay to use other people? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 You don't like being used, so what on earth makes you think it's okay to use other people?Sounds a bit... dare I say... narcissistic???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Everlong13 Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 You've been broken up over a year and still make multiple posts about him. This is not healthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Does he seem manipulative and narcissistic? No, he doesn't, he seems like a guy that is trying his best to either not hurt you or keep you from going postal on his arse so he's telling you anything nice he can to keep you calm. He's told you clearly that he is going to stay with her so why are you still talking to him? What have you done to correct your anger, impulse and obsession issues? (Yes, you are obsessed with a man that has clearly told you that he's with her (no matter how much of a "better man" you make him). Listen to what he is saying and stop talking to him. Zero contact, work on you and forget about him. He's with her and he aint leaving her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Sounds a bit... dare I say... narcissistic???? You said it, j.man. Absolutely agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1a1a Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Actually doesn’t matter if he’s lying to your or his current partner, he’s proven he has the capacity to deceive. That should be a deal breaker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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