Porn DVDs in common area

[Natkyri]

Hi all.

 

I wasn't really sure where this topic fell but I really need advise on how to approach this topic to my new housemate.

 

I've just moved into a new place (day 3). The apartment is lovely and there is a pool, spa and a gym. My room is a decent size and I love the location. All this and Its fairly reasonable in price too because it hasn't been reinvented. I don't want to move.

 

I saw the room advertised and went to view it last week. I share with one other guy. He is in his mid to late 30s I'd say. Seems reasonably OK.

 

Only thing is, I noticed on my second day (while he was out) a pile of porn dvds on the TV stand. Now I know most guys have porn. It's just how it is. But it makes me feel really uncomfortable that they are in the common area. There isn't a DVD player in the room but there is a laptop so I'm hoping he isn't watching them in the lounge when I'm asleep.

 

How do I approach him. I'm so embarrassed and uncomfortable about it. If I don't say anything my friends think he'll just think its acceptable. But he needs to know he doesn't live alone anymore and have them out of sight. Do I text him or say something face to face. Or should I just put the DVD in his room on his bed?

 

One other thing, All my other housemates have slept with the door closed.. He sleeps with the door open and I need to walk past his room to get to my shower. Should I also tell him that I feel uncomfortable walking past the room with the door open?

[reinventmyself]

You just tell him. I don't see anyway around it. Don't move the DVD's. That's just being passive aggressive instead of asking him respectfully.

 

"Thanks for the opportunity to live here. I hope you don't mind but can I ask two things of you? One. . my friends will probably notice the porn in the living room. How would you feel about keeping those in your room for the time being?' "Secondly, I kinda like my privacy. I keep my door shut to respect yours. Would it be a problem if I asked you to keep your door shut at night?"

 

Has he ever had a roommate before?

[Natkyri]

Ah nicely put. I think face to face is better too.

 

He has mentioned living with other people in another apartment and from what he said they have mostly been girls. He has only recently moved into this place. I'd say about 4 weeks Max.

[reinventmyself]

I think they are very reasonable requests. Set the precedence for open and honest communication.

[Wiseman2]

Ask if he'll store personal/private belongings in his room, in a general discussion about belongings in common areas. Stay off the moral angle. As far as closed doors...he doesn't have to close his door, because you may walk by. Make sure you are dressed properly. You knew he is a male roommate when you looked at and then rented the place. Best thing you can do is get a lock on your door and lock the bathroom door. What he's watching while you're asleep is none of your business.

I've just moved into a new place (day 3). a pile of porn dvds on the TV stand.There isn't a DVD player in the room but there is a laptop so I'm hoping he isn't watching them in the lounge when I'm asleep.

[j.man]

Why's the door thing a big deal? Personally, I kept the door closed when I had roommates, but I once had a female roommate who kept her door open so her cat could come in and out. I simply chose not to look inside of her room when I walked past. As far as the porn DVDs go, I do think you're well within your right to throw out a very simple, "Hey, bud, those porn DVDs might be a bit awkward for my girlfriends when they come around, would it be cool if you kept them in your room?"

 

And always ask face-to-face if you can. Texts can be easily enough misinterpreted as snide on their own, never mind with the stigma associated with roommates. Nothing made me roll my eyes harder than if I came across a roommate a couple times that day and they proceeded to text or leave a note with a request.

[Snny]

One other thing, All my other housemates have slept with the door closed.. He sleeps with the door open and I need to walk past his room to get to my shower. Should I also tell him that I feel uncomfortable walking past the room with the door open?

No.

 

You are going to complain about the DVDs (which I agree, they need to be put away), then you are coming to him with ANOTHER complaint as a new roommate?? Don't be that roommate who is a complainer. That won't win you brownie points. You agreed to live with a roommate of the opposite gender, so you have to be flexible. Get a bathrobe and wear it to the bathroom (and walking back to your room).