Nano Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 So sorry to hear that. That must've been rough to see. How long has it been since the BU? If you don't mind me asking. I hope you also feel better soon. I wish relationships are not as complicated so that no one has to experience pain like this. I tried to entertain a guy who has been asking me out for the longest time, but when he kept asking where I was every hour and when I said I have a busy month at work he said.."does that mean you won't have time for me" I felt smothered and I was really turned off so I told him I can't go out just yet. Can't deal with someone needy when I don't have anything to give at the moment 😬Too soon I guess. Trying my best to find who I am again. Thank you...really appreciate your inputs. We broke up in November and he was dating 6 weeks later. So it’s been almost 4 months. I hope that doesn’t discourage you, it usually takes me a while to get over breakups unfortunately. I had just lost my dad when I met my ex so he became a big supportive part in my life and I felt like I lost it all after the breakup. I’m doing much better now though, at first I couldn’t leave my bed and I wanted him back but that’s all gone now. Right now I’m still in that feeling betrayal but wanting to forgive and let go phase, that’s acceptance which is hopefully the final stage once I achieve it. Not sure when you broke up (sorry if you’ve mentioned it!) but hopefully you move on much faster and don’t feel bad if you don’t, we all make some improvements along the way even if we aren’t over it completely yet. I’m the type who wants to find reasons and meaning behind everything and that’s exhausting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nano Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I was just telling him my schedule was gonna be busy, it was his reaction that turned me off. So I told him that I think it's too early for me to date since I'm getting over a break up. But I don't think I'll be going out with him even if I recover. I felt smothered when he asked me every hour where I was and he wasn't even my bf yet😳 You made the right decision. To be caught between the guilt you’ll feel towards him if you rebound and your heartache will overwhelm you. I tried dating someone who was truly a good kind man and I truly liked him and that was TWO months after the breakup. It just wasn’t fair for him or for me, I didn’t want to focus on him when I should focus on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayRay63 Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Well if he's still interested down the track, and you think you might be, tell him that. Limit him to one text a day. Maybe he can do something about it. Maybe you can do something to make him feel secure so he doesn't do it. Every hour sounds a bit OCD to me though. You might want to throw that one back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveFound Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 It takes me a long time too to get over a breakup. We only broke up 2 and a half weeks ago. I'm sure he'll get over me faster, his mom is the one setting him up with other girls. 😖 Like you I try to find reasons and meaning..trying my best to quit overanalyzing and just take things as they are. It is painful to let go of someone who was with you during the hard times...it couldve been easier if he was a jerk. I think that's what's gonna help me move on. My ex was the sweetest initially and toward the end he became this really selfish jerk. I know he has issues with his family and the ofcourse the pressure from other people because he was dating someone older but he wasn't exactly nice to me toward the end. I think that's the reason why he texts...to alleviate his guilt. I was never mean and always tried to understand him. Ugh!! Hurts like hell just thinking about it. We broke up in November and he was dating 6 weeks later. So it’s been almost 4 months. I hope that doesn’t discourage you, it usually takes me a while to get over breakups unfortunately. I had just lost my dad when I met my ex so he became a big supportive part in my life and I felt like I lost it all after the breakup. I’m doing much better now though, at first I couldn’t leave my bed and I wanted him back but that’s all gone now. Right now I’m still in that feeling betrayal but wanting to forgive and let go phase, that’s acceptance which is hopefully the final stage once I achieve it. Not sure when you broke up (sorry if you’ve mentioned it!) but hopefully you move on much faster and don’t feel bad if you don’t, we all make some improvements along the way even if we aren’t over it completely yet. I’m the type who wants to find reasons and meaning behind everything and that’s exhausting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveFound Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 I don't think I want to. He comes on too strong, too fast for me. 😬 i already told him to take it really slow and he asks me questions like "do you still love him?", "are you thinking about him?" It just turned me off completely. I feel like he's gonna be too high maintenance and too demanding. 😦 Well if he's still interested down the track, and you think you might be, tell him that. Limit him to one text a day. Maybe he can do something about it. Maybe you can do something to make him feel secure so he doesn't do it. Every hour sounds a bit OCD to me though. You might want to throw that one back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nano Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Here too, he was an angel sent to save me at first... I knew it was too good to be true really but I didn’t care I was so consumed and busy with him to even think. I think men act like jerks in the end cause it’s the only way they know how... like they need you to hold their hand and help them cross to the other safer side (moving on that is.) and by acting out they think you’ll just do it for them... if they push you away too much you’ll be the one leaving and there’ll be no turning back and maybe they don’t think they’re strong enough to stay away unless they MUST, only takes one to make the breakup stick and they won’t you to do it for them. That new clingy guy sounds so much like the guy I also tried dating shortly after. He knew about my ex cause he’s the best friend of my gf’s boyfriend and he investigated me all about the breakup and how I felt about everything, it only brought back bad awful feelings cause the questions made me dig deep where I did NOT want to go and I told him, he didn’t stop.. he thought if I let it out I’ll move on and heal... but he didn’t realize he shouldn’t be the one trying to fix it.. he’s a new love interest not my girlfriend... I don’t want to obsess over my ex with a new date! I ended it and he would text me “let’s start over!?” That happened a few times until I was done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveFound Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 Did he ever reach out to you after the break up? What you said is true. They act like jerks toward the end. I think my ex tried to be strong enough to walk away like he weaned himself off of me that's why I think it was really cruel. The thought of trusting someone to take care of your heart and he just stomps on it...makes me feel betrayed. He said " from the very beginning we knew this was gonna be the end game." All i could say was "what?! No! i didnt know. Because I was always hopeful that we could do this." It really made me feel really,really stupid. i was doing everything I could to make it work and I had no idea he was doing the opposite. It was really cruel. How can someone get into a relationship with that kind of mindset? This is my fuel to keep going...and to stop replying😳😖😔 Here too, he was an angel sent to save me at first... I knew it was too good to be true really but I didn’t care I was so consumed and busy with him to even think. I think men act like jerks in the end cause it’s the only way they know how... like they need you to hold their hand and help them cross to the other safer side (moving on that is.) and by acting out they think you’ll just do it for them... if they push you away too much you’ll be the one leaving and there’ll be no turning back and maybe they don’t think they’re strong enough to stay away unless they MUST, only takes one to make the breakup stick and they won’t you to do it for them. That new clingy guy sounds so much like the guy I also tried dating shortly after. He knew about my ex cause he’s the best friend of my gf’s boyfriend and he investigated me all about the breakup and how I felt about everything, it only brought back bad awful feelings cause the questions made me dig deep where I did NOT want to go and I told him, he didn’t stop.. he thought if I let it out I’ll move on and heal... but he didn’t realize he shouldn’t be the one trying to fix it.. he’s a new love interest not my girlfriend... I don’t want to obsess over my ex with a new date! I ended it and he would text me “let’s start over!?” That happened a few times until I was done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveFound Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 If the guys we tried dating didn't push too hard maybe things would've been different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayRay63 Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 I don't think I want to. He comes on too strong, too fast for me. 😬 i already told him to take it really slow and he asks me questions like "do you still love him?", "are you thinking about him?" It just turned me off completely. I feel like he's gonna be too high maintenance and too demanding. 😦 If I were him I would have backed off, and said to you: I really like you, but I'm going to give you some space - can I call you in a month and see how you are? But then I've been to a few BBQs and learned how to cook a steak. Sound's like he hasn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveFound Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 That would've been attractive. He's younger by 4 years. I really have to make changes. I dunno why I've been attracting creeps. I had very traumatic dates when the guy would threaten to climb the gate to get into my house or dates when the guy wouldn't leave unless I let him in. (I dont let them in) So getting into the dating scene is a bit scary for me If I were him I would have backed off, and said to you: I really like you, but I'm going to give you some space - can I call you in a month and see how you are? But then I've been to a few BBQs and learned how to cook a steak. Sound's like he hasn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nano Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 He didn’t but it was our agreement. I deleted him off of everything and I changed my phone number (he still had my email) and he did tell me to contact him after I’ve moved on so we can be friends again and that sounded condescending at that time but I agreed. I emailed him about a month after because I was aching over the hurt he’s caused me that it was killing me and my best friend suggested I write him and tell him how he’s made me feel. It was a good move really cause he replied back right away and sounded so happy to hear from me. If I had tried getting him back at that point I would have succeeded but I wasn’t ready to take that step. I was headstrong that it’s over. “I will NOT fold.” I thought I had more time to figure that out... but only a few weeks after that email he met that girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveFound Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 Ouch! It's good you had the chance to tell him how you feel. It's been a struggle for me cause I just didn't say anything and I think it won't be healthy for me. Every breakup and relationship is different. I'm glad that worked for you, I don't think it will for me. So you've been on NC since then? You seem to be really strong in dealing with this. I do hope you recover real soon. He didn’t but it was our agreement. I deleted him off of everything and I changed my phone number (he still had my email) and he did tell me to contact him after I’ve moved on so we can be friends again and that sounded condescending at that time but I agreed. I emailed him about a month after because I was aching over the hurt he’s caused me that it was killing me and my best friend suggested I write him and tell him how he’s made me feel. It was a good move really cause he replied back right away and sounded so happy to hear from me. If I had tried getting him back at that point I would have succeeded but I wasn’t ready to take that step. I was headstrong that it’s over. “I will NOT fold.” I thought I had more time to figure that out... but only a few weeks after that email he met that girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerbare1959 Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Find someone that’s not still a baby- men don’t know what they want til 50 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 How long were you dating? After breaking up the best thing for you and him is no contact and you need to delete and block him from all social media, messaging and devices. There are no "issues to address" after one person ends things. Let go.I'm 41 and he's 24. He was head over heels with me until his mom found out. He still keeps texting, I gave him a chance by responding to his text but he is not addressing the issues Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nano Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Yes! Definitely true. You gotta do what YOU know works for you in a breakup. You know yourself best. We kept in touch a little actually... he was dating that new girl and talking to me and I had no idea about her. He even would flirt and talk about meeting me. He just wanted it all because he’s confused. We’ve been in NC for a few weeks now. We both know that NC is the only way the breakup will stick and it needs to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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