Could he be cheating?

[Sploosh79]

I think you should consider therapy. It can really help with dealing with anxieties. And maybe it could also help you sort out if your partner is someone you feel safe with long term. It's okay to ask for help. You are in a complicated situation. Gaining insight over your anxieties will help you sort out a lot of sh*t around what issues are yours and what issues are his.

 

And hey, what you are going through is hard. You are struggling with it because it's hard. Not because you are weak or stupid.

 

I agree. Therapy could help. It's just finding a therapist that my insurance would cover.

[sara-pezzini]

This is what you posted last year so maybe not the exact words you're sexy but close enough and no way was that a butt text!

Added to this and your previous thread it doesn't show a very loving and trustworthy character you be honest....

You made this post for a reason, if you rally trusted him you wouldn't ask is all I'm saying....

 

"I'm afraid he's cheating

 

I found a text in my boyfriends phone where he was calling someone sexy. The name was Sheri Work. So supposedly someone from work. There were no messages before that message or after, just that one. I'm not the normal type to snoop like that. But he's talked and hungout with his exes behind my back and he takes his phone everywhere with him. Even just to go pee. Couples have their own thing about talking to exes and stuff. This is just something that bothers me. And he knows that. I brought up the message I found and that I feel bad for looking but he makes me feel like he's hiding something. He said it was just a pocket text and nothing else. I've gotten pocket texts from him before and they're just jumbled messes and make no sense. This message literally read "as is your sexy". He doesn't take the time to type out different your and you're I know that. I want to believe him but it just doesn't make sense. He seemed very upset that I felt this way and said he didn't want to lose me but I know some guys are good at playing that and lying about it. What else can I find out? Ask him more? If it was just a pocket text I would feel bad for being so skeptical but then again how does a pocket text that"

[Sploosh79]

Ahh, and some truth gets revealed. There's no possible way to butt-text "you're sexy" . That requires thumbs lol

Why are you engaged? Did he feel pressured to put a ring on it to try to calm your fears? Do you have a wedding date set?

 

Getting engaged was sort of a joint effort. We figured we live together so why not make it more official. We don't have a date set because we will do it when we have the money. He gets pretty upset if I forget to put my ring back on after I shower or wash my hands. So no I don't believe he felt pressured to put a ring on my finger.

[Sploosh79]

This is what you posted last year so maybe not the exact words you're sexy but close enough and no way was that a butt text!

Added to this and your previous thread it doesn't show a very loving and trustworthy character you be honest....

You made this post for a reason, if you rally trusted him you wouldn't ask is all I'm saying....

 

"I'm afraid he's cheating

 

I found a text in my boyfriends phone where he was calling someone sexy. The name was Sheri Work. So supposedly someone from work. There were no messages before that message or after, just that one. I'm not the normal type to snoop like that. But he's talked and hungout with his exes behind my back and he takes his phone everywhere with him. Even just to go pee. Couples have their own thing about talking to exes and stuff. This is just something that bothers me. And he knows that. I brought up the message I found and that I feel bad for looking but he makes me feel like he's hiding something. He said it was just a pocket text and nothing else. I've gotten pocket texts from him before and they're just jumbled messes and make no sense. This message literally read "as is your sexy". He doesn't take the time to type out different your and you're I know that. I want to believe him but it just doesn't make sense. He seemed very upset that I felt this way and said he didn't want to lose me but I know some guys are good at playing that and lying about it. What else can I find out? Ask him more? If it was just a pocket text I would feel bad for being so skeptical but then again how does a pocket text that"

 

But again there was nothing before or after the text. I'm just looking for opinions and what people think about THIS situation. I've hashed that situation out and gave him the benefit of the doubt because there was no other evidence.

[SweetGirl28]

That's not exactly what the text said. It said "as is your sexy". Not sure how much sense that makes. There were no texts before that or after it. And it was supposedly to an older coworker of his. And again I don't know what happened. I talked to my mom about it after it happened and she said it's/possible/ it was a mistake. And I don't know for sure. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Because other than my suspicions, he's a great guy. And that's all they could be, just suspicions, because as I said, I worry a lot. I've received butt texts before and he has typed out whole names with jumbled letters. And how smart phones work, it comes up with what is texted the most. If I text in I on my phone, the next thing that pops up is love you, because it's often texted.

 

Butt-dialing happens if the phone isn't locked, But a text getting sent? I never heard of that but yes if you are texting it can auto-fill words. At any rate, you still need to better handle your anxiety be sure whether he's being flirty or not is uncertain to you, and you're now defending him here. So either you know it in your gut, and don't want to admit it, or your anxiety is causing your concerns. You have to do something. You don't want to live this way forever. It's not emotionally healthy for you, and it's not good for him either to be accused if he's not actually being flirty(but I think he is because he wouldn't feel the need to close snapchat and messenger and keep his phone from you). Where is his phone when he takes a shower?

Is it with him then too?

[reinventmyself]

And how smart phones work, it comes up with what is texted the most. If I text in I on my phone, the next thing that pops up is love you, because it's often texted.

 

What kind of phone does that? I have never heard of that happening or experiencing that either.

[AuthenticFrank]

For me you build trust with a new partner until you get to 100%. If that partner destroys the trust I think it is impossible to ever get back to 100%. Regardless of how hard you try. This is my opinion based on life experiences.

[Sploosh79]

Butt-dialing happens if the phone isn't locked, But a text getting sent? I never heard of that but yes if you are texting it can auto-fill words. At any rate, you still need to better handle your anxiety be sure whether he's being flirty or not is uncertain to you, and you're now defending him here. So either you know it in your gut, and don't want to admit it, or your anxiety is causing your concerns. You have to do something. You don't want to live this way forever. It's not emotionally healthy for you, and it's not good for him either to be accused if he's not actually being flirty(but I think he is because he wouldn't feel the need to close snapchat and messenger and keep his phone from you). Where is his phone when he takes a shower?

Is it with him then too?

 

We went "tiny" and are living in a 5th wheel. He keeps his phone on top of the shower to listen to music. I agree I need to get a hold of my anxiety. I need to find a therapist my insurance will cover. I don't want to push him away as some have said I could, but id also like to know why he feels the need to always have his phone on him.

[Sploosh79]

What kind of phone does that? I have never heard of that happening or experiencing that either.

 

We both have Samsung's. They pop up with another word you use often, based on what you already typed, or you can use the swiping method by just swiping across the screen, which is what's possible what could have made the sentence that was said to be a butt text.

[reinventmyself]

As my therapist would tell me - `your anxiety is trying to tell you something" Listen to it.

I get that you are anxious about other things. Heck for the matter I had an panic attack while in the grocery store trying to choose which rice to buy.

It made no sense whatsoever. Rice does not make me anxious.

But when I finally addressed what was really going on in my marriage, instead of lying to myself and making it all about me and my mysterious character flaw, the anxiety went away.

You either deal with it or it deals with you.

 

To be fair, some people run more on the anxious side. It's just part of their personality make up. But there are ways to mitigate and manage it.

One way is to not put your self in compromising positions and deny it at the same time.

[reinventmyself]

We both have Samsung's. They pop up with another word you use often, based on what you already typed, or you can use the swiping method by just swiping across the screen, which is what's possible what could have made the sentence that was said to be a butt text.

 

hmm. . I am on my 3rd Samsung.

I can't make that happen.

[Sploosh79]

hmm. . I am on my 3rd Samsung.

I can't make that happen.

 

I_.like_ spikes (this was with the swiping. I was actually trying to type I like apples)

 

I'm not sure what samsung you have. We both have 7s.

 

I'm not sure if my anxiety is from my relationship and "deep down" knowing it's wrong. As when he worked late at the old warehouse and he first started I would wake up in the middle of the night and my anxieties made me fear the worst like he had gotten into an accident on the way home and I would hyperventilate. That happened basically until I got used to his work schedule. I've only felt these anxieties about him when I felt he was being suspicious.

 

Can I ask what happened in your relationship that made you anxious?

 

And honestly I've always had anxiety. Even when I wasn't in a relationship. When I was younger I couldn't let my mom leave my sight like if we were at a grocery store because I would have a panic attack thinking she left me. Before I drove and had to be picked up everywhere (not in a relationship) I would almost have a panic attack if I felt they were taking far longer than I thought it would take to get there. If my parents went in trips I had panic attacks worrying about if they would make it back.

 

So I think whats stemming my issues is definitely anxieties and until I can get them under control I shouldn't accuse or assume unless I have full evidence because even the smallest thing will make me worry.

 

With anxieties do you think it's possible to trust someone completely? Even if they have never proven themself to be untrustworthy?

[SweetGirl28]

Now it sounds like you have anxiety caused by fear of abandonment, and this even makes sense more so because even though you have AAA, you still fear breaking down or running out of gas. You need to get into a really good therapist to resolve this.

[Hollyj]

Are you on any medication? If not. Why not?

[Sploosh79]

Now it sounds like you have anxiety caused by fear of abandonment, and this even makes sense more so because even though you have AAA, you still fear breaking down or running out of gas. You need to get into a really good therapist to resolve this.

 

I'm not sure where this stemmed from. My mom was in the army when I was younger. She was a single mom until I was about 8. And many times I was with a babysitter while she was gone.

[reinventmyself]

I_.like_ spikes (this was with the swiping. I was actually trying to type I like apples)

 

I'm not sure what samsung you have. We both have 7s.

 

I'm not sure if my anxiety is from my relationship and "deep down" knowing it's wrong. As when he worked late at the old warehouse and he first started I would wake up in the middle of the night and my anxieties made

 

Can I ask what happened in your relationship that made you anxious?

 

And honestly I've always had anxiety. Even when I wasn't in a relationship. When I was younger I couldn't let my mom leave my sight like if we were at a grocery store because I would have a panic attack thinking she left me. Before I drove and had to be picked up everywhere (not in a relationship) I would almost have a panic attack if I felt they were taking far longer than I thought it would take to get there. If my parents went in trips I had panic attacks worrying about if they would make it back.

 

So I think whats stemming my issues is definitely anxieties and until I can get them under control I shouldn't accuse or assume unless I have full evidence because even the smallest thing will make me worry.

 

With anxieties do you think it's possible to trust someone completely? Even if they have never proven themself to be untrustworthy?

 

Firstly, I've had a few relationships in my life and I can tell you that some triggered my anxiety (for good reason) and some don't.

If you are anxious by nature I can assure you there is nothing better than feeling at peace with someone you fully and completely trust. So you may find that the next person (if you chose wisely) will provide you an entirely different experience. There was a time I was just like you and thought that relationships just made me anxious, period. As it turns out, the person I was dating caused my anxiety, not the other way around.

 

My marriage ended for a variety of reasons. He didn't cheat and was faithful, but he was controlling and verbally abusive. Of course I wrote it off to being overly sensitive and I had him right there to tell me so. That and how grateful I should be to him for all of his hard work. I was grateful but I was forever indebted and he held it over my head. I made it all about me because that's the only thing I had control of. If I just twisted this way, twisted that way it would be alright. Well that didn't work and it wasn't alright and things just continued to get worse.. My world was really small and he pretty much scared off all my friends.

 

I went to therapy by myself to deal with my anxiety. As it turned out I really needed to deal with him and dealing with him meant I needed to leave in the end. He was a really good gaslighter or as I call it - a head f*er. Anyway enough about me. I hope my story gives you something to think about.

 

There is a really good book about attachment styles called 'Attached' You referred to your mom and your childhood. This book sheds light in how we were raised predisposes us to different attachment styles. . a lot of focus on anxious attachment styles and why we pick the partner we do and how to work on changing that. I think it would be really helpful for you if you are interested.

[Sploosh79]

Are you on any medication? If not. Why not?

 

I've never thought to be on medication. I didn't know I had that large of an issue. Plus I'm not sure what medication I need.

[reinventmyself]

I've never thought to be on medication. I didn't know I had that large of an issue. Plus I'm not sure what medication I need.

 

Certain antidepressants help with anxiety. They really helped me when I needed it. The goal is to do the hard work to get to the other side and not use them as a crutch while continuing to engage in unhealthy patterns. But in the beginning it was hard to get there without some assistance. Some people use them for life and that's perfectly ok.

[Hollyj]

You need to see a doctor. My mother is on anti-anxiety meds, and her level of anxiety is considerably lower than yours. She has always had a bit of anxiety, and the meds have really helped.

 

Yours sounds like it can be debilitating. I strongly suggest you talk to your GP, they can start you on a low-level medication.

[Sploosh79]

You need to see a doctor. My mother is on anti anxiety meds, and her level of anxiety is considerably lower than yours. She has always had a bit of anxiety, and the meds have really helped.

 

Yours sounds like it can be debilitating. I strongly suggest you talk to your GP, hey can start you on a low-level medication.

 

I've just recently moved so I don't even have a set doctor in the area yet so I will have to get that set up first before anything and see what they say and see what my insurance can cover.

[Hollyj]

Wishing you luck!!!!!

[Sploosh79]

Certain antidepressants help with anxiety. They really helped me when I needed it. The goal is to do the hard work to get to the other side and not use them as a crutch while continuing to engage in unhealthy patterns. But in the beginning it was hard to get there without some assistance. Some people use them for life and that's perfectly ok.

 

I'll have to look into it as I'm not sure what my insurance can cover. I know that exercise could probably help as well but I never feel motivated to.

[SweetGirl28]

I'm not sure where this stemmed from. My mom was in the army when I was younger. She was a single mom until I was about 8. And many times I was with a babysitter while she was gone.

 

Well there ya go. Possibly the root cause for you. You can overcome it, but you really need a trained therapist to do so.

Medication is a crutch, but is effective as long as you don't develop an addiction to it. I have seen too many people pop a pill for anxiety instead of dealing with the causes. Look into yoga too, and deep breathing exercises to calm you, they are highly effective in decreasing anxiety when done properly. As a side note, if you have any know medical conditions, like thyroid disorder immediately pops to my mind, hormonal imbalance, it can cause severe anxiety . Get a complete physical to make sure there's no underlying disease , and go from there. I feel empathetic towards you, and think you're a good person and truly do want to change, so I hope you take all the advice you're being given , and utilize it to become more

emotionally healthy for yourself. You may find it improves your relationship and trust with your fiancé also. Though I still say you need to dig into his behavior a but more to find out why the secrecy, because if he is being flirty with others, he needs to understand he stops, or loses you. Don't ever put up with that. It will cause you a lifetime of insecurity.

[Ziggy123]

Just wanna say that having anxiety disorder is different than having anxiety over an actual problem. If you think you have anxiety disorder, it's usually not rational and you shouldn't take it too seriously by that i mean make any important decisions because of it. For most people, when they feel anxiety it is because there is actually something wrong.

[reinventmyself]

Just wanna say that having anxiety disorder is different than having anxiety over an actual problem. If you think you have anxiety disorder, it's usually not rational and you shouldn't take it too seriously by that i mean make any important decisions because of it. For most people, when they feel anxiety it is because there is actually something wrong.

I have an anxiety disorder and both applies :)