Dates for the unfortunate

[katrina1980]

I'm rather unusual looking too. I'm very blonde, very fair skinned. I have a bit of a lazy eye in my right eye, and my cheekbones are high (too high in my opinion) and tend to bulge especially when I talk and smile.

 

My look is very Eastern European, which often doesn't jive well with some American men.

 

On the other hand, some men find me quite beautiful.

 

Different is good, so embrace it, it's an asset!

 

The problem is not your looks but your low self-esteem, which is causing you to believe you are unattractive.

 

Address "that" and you're halfway there!

[katrina1980]

OP, have you ever considered experimenting with your look by getting a makeover?

 

There is makeup that will cover under eye dark circles and other issues.

 

Have a stylist experiment with your hair, give you a style that works for you.

 

Looks aren't everything, but I do think it's important to accentuate the positives and make the best of what you have.

 

It will give you a boost.

[SweetGirl28]

Thankyou your words really made a difference to me. I just don't feel attractive compared to other girls, i have really dark bags under my eyes, my nose is big, and my cheek bones stick out weirdly and I'm really skinny. I know to the right person they could find me attractive because I am a really nice and kind person who knows how to laugh at little things but the sad part is I worry no one will go beyond my exterior to see that in me (besides friends) unfortunately the 2 guy friends that do see that and find me attractive I have no chemistry with in that way, I only see them as friends. I guess this is what I'm given I should learn to love it and if someone else doesn't well they aren't the right person for me and hope someone else can see past my physical appearance because after all it is what is on the inside that counts most.

 

Let me tell you this. I have a friend who'd be considered not attractive by standards you see in the media, but when I tell you she attracts men like flies, I mean it. You know why? She has this funny, larger than life personality which guys adore.

So she jokes because she's 298 pounds, but says " I watch my weight, I refuse to be 300 pounds". Like who says that right? And it's so funny. She dresses beautifully too, always together, so she carries herself well. And that's what matters. How you carry and present yourself. Walk with confidence, smile, and you'll emit positive energy.

I'm skinny too, 5'7" and 117 pounds. So I don't have the big booty, the huge boobs, but I have the legs, and the eyes, and I accentuate those. I don't wear baggy clothes, sure my thigh gap gets made fun of once in a while by my friends, lol but then I pick on them because they get chaffed for theirs rubbing together :) Find what positives you have, and define them. If you go to a makeup counter, or Sephora or Ulta(do you have those stores?) they will help you for free to do makeup for you to cover the dark circles, and minimize your nose and cheekbones(though I must tell you, strong cheekbones are a beautiful thing). It's all about contouring and highlighting, and even if you're not into makeup, you can tell them and they will do the bare minimum to give you a little different look.

I myself can look very different just by popping my blue contacts in and having a tan. Putting subtle highlights in your hair , like face framing, can also make a difference. Just a few here and there can brighten your skin tone. It doesn't need to be big changes.

I really wish you'd feel comfortable within yourself, because everyone is beautiful in their own way. We don't have to fit into

what everyone around us looks like. We just need to be comfortable within ourselves. But I do think you would benefit from

making subtle changes because it will boost your confidence a bit.

[Tuna010]

I'm rather unusual looking too. I'm very blonde, very fair skinned. I have a bit of a lazy eye in my right eye, and my cheekbones are high (too high in my opinion) and tend to bulge especially when I talk and smile.

 

My look is very Eastern European, which often doesn't jive well with some American men.

 

On the other hand, some men find me quite beautiful.

 

Different is good, so embrace it, it's an asset!

 

The problem is not your looks but your low self-esteem, which is causing you to believe you are unattractive.

 

Address "that" and you're halfway there!

 

You sound super attractive but I can relate I get told I look "slavic" which I am half, but it's not in the hot Slavic way lol. Yeh I think once I address my thinking all the rest will change and it won't be my sole focus anymore. Thankyou

[reinventmyself]

I've told this story here before and it applies here.

 

I worked in restaurant in my early 20's. We were hired based on a variety of things and one of them, our physical appearance. At one time they hired a new waiter- pasty skinned, early balding, round shouldered, very effeminate. Not physically attractive at all. A few weeks passed and we get to know him. His personality shines through and he's charming, funny, articulate and confident and no sooner were my female coworkers clambering for his attention.

 

Go figure.

It's not all about looks. . .

[Tuna010]

I've told this story here before and it applies here.

 

I worked in restaurant in my early 20's. We were hired based on a variety of things and one of them, our physical appearance. At one time they hired a new waiter- pasty skinned, early balding, round shouldered, very effeminate. Not physically attractive at all. A few weeks passed and we get to know him. His personality shines through and he's charming, funny, articulate and confident and no sooner were my female coworkers clambering for his attention.

 

Go figure.

It's not all about looks. . .

 

I can see how that works for sure, trouble is when people don't give you a chance to get to know you based on first impression. The bfs I have had like me because of my personality, it's hard with this day and age of meeting ppl online if you arnt attractive enough I feel like you get one chance and that's it.

[mustlovedogs]

Let me tell you this. I have a friend who'd be considered not attractive by standards you see in the media, but when I tell you she attracts men like flies, I mean it. You know why? She has this funny, larger than life personality which guys adore.

So she jokes because she's 298 pounds, but says " I watch my weight, I refuse to be 300 pounds". Like who says that right? And it's so funny. She dresses beautifully too, always together, so she carries herself well. And that's what matters. How you carry and present yourself. Walk with confidence, smile, and you'll emit positive energy.

I'm skinny too, 5'7" and 117 pounds. So I don't have the big booty, the huge boobs, but I have the legs, and the eyes, and I accentuate those. I don't wear baggy clothes, sure my thigh gap gets made fun of once in a while by my friends, lol but then I pick on them because they get chaffed for theirs rubbing together :) Find what positives you have, and define them. If you go to a makeup counter, or Sephora or Ulta(do you have those stores?) they will help you for free to do makeup for you to cover the dark circles, and minimize your nose and cheekbones(though I must tell you, strong cheekbones are a beautiful thing). It's all about contouring and highlighting, and even if you're not into makeup, you can tell them and they will do the bare minimum to give you a little different look.

I myself can look very different just by popping my blue contacts in and having a tan. Putting subtle highlights in your hair , like face framing, can also make a difference. Just a few here and there can brighten your skin tone. It doesn't need to be big changes.

I really wish you'd feel comfortable within yourself, because everyone is beautiful in their own way. We don't have to fit into

what everyone around us looks like. We just need to be comfortable within ourselves. But I do think you would benefit from

making subtle changes because it will boost your confidence a bit.

 

Sorry to derail and get stuck on this. Is she really 298?

[reinventmyself]

I can see how that works for sure, trouble is when people don't give you a chance to get to know you based on first impression. The bfs I have had like me because of my personality, it's hard with this day and age of meeting ppl online if you arnt attractive enough I feel like you get one chance and that's it.

 

You do have a point. The initial catch online is visual. That's a given. But surely there are men your match and feeling the same way. Do you initiate contact with them?

Do you try other ways to meet people?

[Tuna010]

You do have a point. The initial catch online is visual. That's a given. But surely there are men your match and feeling the same way. Do you initiate contact with them?

Do you try other ways to meet people?

 

I don't have any other ways of meeting people, I rarely go out, and asides from my looks am pretty shy until I get to know someone well so the odds are against me. Even though I don't find myself attractive I still have to be at least somewhat attracted to the person, I don't expect them to be super hot or anything I just can't feel repelled by them

Or I may as well stay on my own. I have two male friends that make it obvious they like me and the are decent looking guys but there is just not that chemistry there unfortunately. I don't know what to do...

[SweetGirl28]

Sorry to derail and get stuck on this. Is she really 298?

 

Lol! She really is. When we met she was around 175. Booty, hips, girl could shake it like nothing I've ever seen.

She gained so much weight partly because of her thyroid disorder, and the other reason is she really loves fried food, restaurants, and not inclined to exercise at all. I've tried helping her, just for health reasons, but she truly is comfortable in her own skin. You know that song "All About That Base" by Megan Traynor , "my mama she told me don't worry about your size, boys like a little more booty to hold at night" she can shake it to that song lol :)

[mustlovedogs]

Lol! She really is. When we met she was around 175. Booty, hips, girl could shake it like nothing I've ever seen.

She gained so much weight partly because of her thyroid disorder, and the other reason is she really loves fried food, restaurants, and not inclined to exercise at all. I've tried helping her, just for health reasons, but she truly is comfortable in her own skin. You know that song "All About That Base" by Megan Traynor , "my mama she told me don't worry about your size, boys like a little more booty to hold at night" she can shake it to that song lol :)

 

that’s reassuring to me. Comments on this forum are always about losing weight to meet people. I’m plus sized - nowhere near her weight though - and I had wondered if it’s hopeless. But she gets it so that’s great!

[Tuna010]

Well I went on another meet up

And got rejected again! It must be my looks, I actually didn't feel like I looked too bad this time. Someone else I told said it might not be my looks but my low self confidence I sent him a few messages like 10min before saying I look horrible and can we cancel etc and he's like too late I've left home and I was like nooo I look so bad and he's like it's ok it's just a meet up, he initially wanted to do dinner and a movie and I said no dinner because I would be too nervous so we just did a movie, i was friendly and he was nice when he dropped me off I was like thanks and nice to meet you and got out quickly, Because I wasn't going to sit there and make awkward small talk, so yeh my friend thinks it could be the way I act maybe combined with my looks. I don't know if the way I acted was that bad?

[Capricorn3]

Someone else I told said it might not be my looks but my low self confidence I sent him a few messages like 10min before saying I look horrible and can we cancel etc and he's like too late I've left home and I was like nooo I look so bad and he's like it's ok it's just a meet up, he initially wanted to do dinner and a movie and I said no dinner because I would be too nervous so we just did a movie, i was friendly and he was nice when he dropped me off I was like thanks and nice to meet you and got out quickly, Because I wasn't going to sit there and make awkward small talk, so yeh my friend thinks it could be the way I act maybe combined with my looks. I don't know if the way I acted was that bad?

I'm sorry to say that I 100% agree with your friend. From the get go you made everything very awkward. I feel so bad for the poor guy, it must have been a difficult date for him (imo). I think if this is what you do on dates you WILL get rejected (sorry). You really need to work on your low self-esteem issues - perhaps counselling of some sort will help you.

[SweetGirl28]

Noooooooooo omg girl! Listen, if there's one quality that attracts men, it's confidence. Don't ever tell a guy you haven't even met that you look bad and want to cancel! That already puts a strike against you. Movies are not a good first meet up date either. The next time, since you get so nervous, keep it limited to an hour, go to a coffee shop or something.

And why are you getting into cars with strangers? Stop doing that. You need to put safety first.

Even if you're not feeling like you are attractive, you have to learn to portray it. That's done by smiling, being fun, having

good energy around you. I do want to grab you by the hand and drag you for a subtle makeover to boost your confidence, but I can't. You have to get your feelings of low self esteem in a better place before you try and more meet ups.

[SweetGirl28]

post twice delete

[dias]

saying I look horrible and can we cancel

You never ever talk bad about yourself. That's a general rule not only for dating. You pretty much predestinated the outcome.

[SweetGirl28]

You never ever talk bad about yourself. That's a general rule not only for dating. You pretty much predestinated the outcome.

 

See, that's coming from a male! Confidence, you must build it from within and project it :)

[mustlovedogs]

Sending that message makes you come off flaky and with low confidence. Additionally, if he thought you actually did look good, it makes you look high maintenance.

[Starlight925]

You have to try to at least pretend to be confident, in a fake it till you make it sort of way. Sending that message put him off, so I feel you were rejected for that before you even got there.

 

It’s about how you carry yourself. You can show up apologizing, or show up laughing and smiling....it’s your choice.

[IAmFCA]

One rule I use for myself is If I agree to do something, then I so that thing with enthusiasm.

 

The attempt to cancel in a fit of anxiety would have triggered me to think "i didn't make you say yes... i don't want to strongarm you now."

 

When you feel yourself want to back away from your commitments, smile at yourself, tell yourself "I can do this", and reward yourself for following through no matter the outcome. This single change in your behavior will give you more respect for yourself, prove to yourself what you are capable of, and lead to numerous new strengths and experiences.

[Tuna010]

Sending that message makes you come off flaky and with low confidence. Additionally, if he thought you actually did look good, it makes you look high maintenance.

 

That's probably because I have zero confidence unfortunately, which I now find out is the most offputting trait!

[Tuna010]

Noooooooooo omg girl! Listen, if there's one quality that attracts men, it's confidence. Don't ever tell a guy you haven't even met that you look bad and want to cancel! That already puts a strike against you. Movies are not a good first meet up date either. The next time, since you get so nervous, keep it limited to an hour, go to a coffee shop or something.

And why are you getting into cars with strangers? Stop doing that. You need to put safety first.

Even if you're not feeling like you are attractive, you have to learn to portray it. That's done by smiling, being fun, having

good energy around you. I do want to grab you by the hand and drag you for a subtle makeover to boost your confidence, but I can't. You have to get your feelings of low self esteem in a better place before you try and more meet ups.

 

Ah it's just so hard! My Exs are constantly trying to give me reassurance it's not my looks but I can't help that I think it is! I have a big nose,everyone says it's my Slavic heritage and the right person will appreciate it, but I think it puts ppl off!

[Tuna010]

One rule I use for myself is If I agree to do something, then I so that thing with enthusiasm.

 

The attempt to cancel in a fit of anxiety would have triggered me to think "i didn't make you say yes... i don't want to strongarm you now."

 

When you feel yourself want to back away from your commitments, smile at yourself, tell yourself "I can do this", and reward yourself for following through no matter the outcome. This single change in your behavior will give you more respect for yourself, prove to yourself what you are capable of, and lead to numerous new strengths and experiences.

 

Yeh I did go through with it, now I'm thinking even if i am as ugly as I think if i had confidence it might be a different story, Ah just so hard feeling ugly and trying to act not ugly,my date was average looking (not that I care about looks) but yeh it was his

Personality that mattered most to me!

[IAmFCA]

Yeh I did go through with it, now I'm thinking even if i am as ugly as I think if i had confidence it might be a different story, Ah just so hard feeling ugly and trying to act not ugly,my date was average looking (not that I care about looks) but yeh it was his

Personality that mattered most to me!

 

You DID go through with it, yes, but asking to cancel shows you would have taken a way out. I am suggesting that next time you wish to cancel, you remind yourself that a first meet is an opportunity to practice achieving your goals, that it was an interim goal of yours, and that now it is up to you to maximize that opportunity.

 

A first meet isn't so you can see if they like you. Its so you can see if you want to learn more. Who knows what the other person's goals are in meeting you. Maybe he, too, is trying to practice putting himself out there.

[Jibralta]

Ah it's just so hard! My Exs are constantly trying to give me reassurance it's not my looks but I can't help that I think it is! I have a big nose,everyone says it's my Slavic heritage and the right person will appreciate it, but I think it puts ppl off!

 

I have a friend who really likes girls with strong profiles. Not everyone subscribes to conventional 'beauty' standards.