j.man Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Wiseman's right. She had / has a child to support. If anyone was meant to pay 66%, it would have been the mother whose teenage (and, later, adult) daughter was residing in the space and consuming. In effect, your residential share was 1/3, or at the very most not a true 1/2. Now I don't say that to imply you should run to the mother with an "a-ha," but simply to suggest that going 50/50 was itself a pretty generous deal for the mother when including her teenager's presence and use, never mind you going above and beyond that at all to financially provide for someone else's child whom you did not raise. Seriously, just wash your hands clean of this. You've got no guilt to bear (well, at least as the debt's concerned). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost 73 Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 Wiseman's right. She had / has a child to support. If anyone was meant to pay 66%, it would have been the mother whose teenage (and, later, adult) daughter was residing in the space and consuming. In effect, your residential share was 1/3, or at the very least not a true 1/2. Now I don't say to imply you should run to the mother with an "a-ha," but simply to suggest that going 50/50 was itself a pretty generous deal for the mother when including her child's presence and use, never mind you going above and beyond that at all to financially provide for someone else's child whom you did not raise. Seriously, just wash your hands clean of this. You've got no guilt to bear. Right on thanks man, I thought he was saying to me to pay the 66%, that confused me. I agree its going to be a process Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 OP, learn to do only what you feel is fair and speak up when you feel that it isn't. Otherwise you are just harboring resentment and losing respect. Learn about healthy relationship boundaries and how to enforce them going forward. That doesn't mean "take out your bitterness on the next woman you get involved with". It means cut this woman off, take time to heal and sort out what healthy boundaries and healthy relationships look like. Sounds more and more like you are just willing to do anything just so you aren't alone. Better be single and happy than in a relationship playing martyr and miserable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost 73 Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 OP, learn to do only what you feel is fair and speak up when you feel that it isn't. Otherwise you are just harboring resentment and losing respect. Learn about healthy relationship boundaries and how to enforce them going forward. That doesn't mean "take out your bitterness on the next woman you get involved with". It means cut this woman off, take time to heal and sort out what healthy boundaries and healthy relationships look like. Sounds more and more like you are just willing to do anything just so you aren't alone. Better be single and happy than in a relationship playing martyr and miserable. Wow. its funny this is partially why I like forums, this is the same advice my therapist states. that is my goal to stay single for a bit. thank you for the advise its sound. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 If you were making 2x as much then you pay for joint expenses (rent,utilities) at that rate, not for cars, insurance or kids or phones. You should not have been on her and her teen's insurance anyway or phone plans.. Yes a live-in bf's say in a child is zero, as it should be. Only the parents have any say. Even step-parents have no legal rights. back to the point. Neither of you owe the other anything at this point unless either of you have proof in writing that something was a loan, not a gift. Don't date single mothers or move into someone's house.We started off paying half, (Mortgage, cable, lights, heat, car insurance, cell phone) I had zero input on how the child was raised I mean spoiled and not made to do anything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost 73 Posted February 28, 2018 Author Share Posted February 28, 2018 If you were making 2x as much then you pay for joint expenses (rent,utilities) at that rate, not for cars, insurance or kids or phones. You should not have been on her and her teen's insurance anyway or phone plans.. Yes a live-in bf's say in a child is zero, as it should be. Only the parents have any say. Even step-parents have no legal rights. back to the point. Neither of you owe the other anything at this point unless either of you have proof in writing that something was a loan, not a gift. Don't date single mothers or move into someone's house. Assumptions are not good things, They was on MY cell plan and MY insurance because of USAA is cheaper. I got zero issues with single Moms, I moved into her house because I sold mine after the divorce. the plan was once her daughter went to school we both was gonna move away. If I am asked to pay for something I do believe its my right to have a say. the Father was a sperm donor and signed his rights away 18 years ago. At what Rate where you referring to 50% or 66%? because that is where I am confused of your statements Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Islandgirl14 Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 You're not married??? Not your problem. You financed her daughter through high school and college? You've paid your dues. Move on and say good riddance. You will find the right one who will not use you for money. That's what she is doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Yeah, and don't essentially pay down extra on someone's mortgage when it's not your house, much less your wife, simply because you make more. I'm not one of those people who thinks you shouldn't pay toward a partner's mortgage if you're not on the title but living in their house, but definitely don't pay more than your share as a resident. It's a rare moment I disagree with Wiseman, but that's just goofy. Paying half was plenty fair to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Why would you give her a dime? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 Its in her name and yes some furniture was bought but she has that furniture I took no common property only clothing and my stuff If she has possession of the furniture, you are not responsible. You are only responsible for your debt, and any items you may be in possession of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted February 28, 2018 Share Posted February 28, 2018 So you have to pay for half the furniture but she gets to keep all of it? On what planet is that fair? Are you hoping that by paying her bills she will come back to you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost 73 Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 Had a talk last night it all came to a head. Yes at some point I thought that if I paid her debts she would want to come back at some time. But that is long gone. I was finally able to unload all my pent up feelings the things I knew that she didn't know that I knew. It was nasty but all contact now is done I got the closure I needed. Thank god feels like such a relief on getting it all out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlight925 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Had a talk last night it all came to a head. Yes at some point I thought that if I paid her debts she would want to come back at some time. But that is long gone. I was finally able to unload all my pent up feelings the things I knew that she didn't know that I knew. It was nasty but all contact now is done I got the closure I needed. Thank god feels like such a relief on getting it all out. So you aren't going to pay her debts still, are you? You say you got to unload your feelings, but you aren't going to part with any more money, please say you won't, pretty please???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Ok that sheds some light. You were trying to reconcile which meant that you would resume things as before if she let you move back in. However now that it's done, you owe her nothing.Yes at some point I thought that if I paid her debts she would want to come back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost 73 Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 So you aren't going to pay her debts still, are you? You say you got to unload your feelings, but you aren't going to part with any more money, please say you won't, pretty please???? She's not getting another penny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlight925 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 She's not getting another penny You go guy!!! Awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost 73 Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 You go guy!!! Awesome. Thank you very much. man it felt good to be released from her finally no strings attached Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Ok now it's over and no reconciliation or living together as friends/exes. Once you moved out you owed no other living expenses.We broke up in 6-7 months ago and stayed living together for 4 more months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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