When is it ok for the girl to come out of pocket?

[Double J]

Ok let me give you all a quick rundown..

 

I got into a relationship over a month and a half ago and I couldn't be happier.. everything is going great... now here's the thing... I'm currently not working and just focusing on school (very demanding workload) to keep my GPA high for scholarship purposes.. I'm going to start working again once the semester is over..

 

My g/f knows that I'm not working, but she never offers to pay for anything. I feel that yes, the guy should pay most of the time, but once you're in a relationship, it's OK (I think) for the girl to offer once in a while. Maybe we're still too early into the relationship.

 

By the way, she does work and I don't. She's NOT the type of girl that asks "hey buy me this this and that," thank goodness, because I can't deal with golddiggers. I really don't feel like telling her directly that my budget is limited as far as spending is concerned - right now I only have scholarship savings, and I try my best not to ask parents for anything.

 

Should I start to worry that this girl might be on the stingy side, or is it too early to tell? She does buy me candy here and there because she knows I love them.. but I don't know.. She is the youngest of 4 - three older brothers, and her the youngest.. might have something to do with it. .. any comments welcome. Thanks.

[DN]

This is 2005 not 1955 - why should the guy pay most of the time - especially in your situation? Tell her the truth about your finances and see what she says. Don't let her (or old fashioned thinking) take advantage of you.

[imdead18]

you should definitely tell her you financial situation .. i do think the man should pay .. but in your situation she has a job and you do not ... so i think you should just talk with her .. split the bill or something to that affect

[annie24]

Hmm... you've only been dating a month and a half. Just how close are you two? Do you think you can talk to her about things?

 

You know... this brings to mind a 2nd date I went on a few months ago. we were supposed to meet at a bar - I got there a bit early, so I ordered a glass of wine myself. Then, he came and joined me, and we talked and had a nice time. Then, when the waitress brought my tab at the end of the night, he literally *jumped back* from it. It was strange! I only had 2 glasses of a cheapish-wine. My tab was $11. His was a lot more, because he was drinking some good single malt wiskey. Sure, I paid for my own bill, that's fine, but he didn't have to physically jump back from it when he saw it!!!

 

Anyways, that actually was our last date. Not because of that, but I didn't feel that we were compatible. Overall, he wasn't a gentleman. BTW - he works at a bank, and I'm a graduate student.

 

Well, sorry .... I'm going on and on. I guess be careful - you don't want to sound like a cheapskate, but you have to make it clear that you're a student and would love to take her to nice places all the time, but you just can't do it.

 

If she suggest going to a nice restaurant, you can say nicely, 'you know - I don't work, I'm focusing solely on school, I'm pretty broke right now. How about if I cook dinner at my place this weekend?' or, 'let's grab some pizza.'

 

Hopefully, if she likes you, she'll understand. If she doesn't, then good riddance!

[greenowl88]

I believe in things being 50/50 in a relationship, especially now-a-days. There's no reason why she shouldn't be offering to pay, especially since she's the one with the job. Like annie24 said, tell her about your situation. If she isn't open minded, you're better off without her.

[lovelynns]

Annie24 said...

If she suggest going to a nice restaurant, you can say nicely, 'you know - I don't work, I'm focusing solely on school, I'm pretty broke right now. How about if I cook dinner at my place this weekend?' or, 'let's grab some pizza.'

 

Hopefully, if she likes you, she'll understand. If she doesn't, then good riddance!

 

I agree completely.

Also... You need to let her know you are old fashion and feel odd having to ask but this is my situation..... and I need some help.

 

I had a similar experience with my boyfriend. I met him when he was a struggling student. I recognized that and overall split things. But he was still old fashion and insisted on paying for certain things (aka a nice dinner out). I'm a student as well. I understood I needed to help... a year and a half later we still split.

 

If she cares about you then she will understand.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

If she wants to enjoy the benefits of the relationshp, she needs to invest in it, and that includes financially as well as emotionally, and with her time and effort. What you get should be what you give. If you want to be in the relationship, you should make sacrafices. If you love someone, you make sacrifices for them. That's what love is about.