Unknown6 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 I don’t really know where to start! I’m not about to say the whole story because we will be here come thanks giving. I was seeing this guy for a few years (we were not together) more friends with benefits but we had a deep deep connection which nobody can tell me about and we loved each others company. We talked everyday whether it be through text, phone call or video calls. We met up a couple times a month sometimes more where we would just chill together or go out. He would always buy me Birthday or Christmas gifts and even got me things just because. I then found out he was married and my heart broke, not because I wanted him to be mine but because of the amount of times I asked him if he had a significant other in his life.. he lied to me and that hurt like hell. We never once used protection.. Why didn’t he tell me he was married? Turns out he got married while we were still “a thing” and continued our “thing” after he had got married. I confronted him and he still wouldn’t tell me and tried to make it seem like I’m mad. So I took it upon myself to contact his wife to tell her about mine and her husbands relationship and how I had no idea he was married (how embarrassing) she then reached out to me thanking me for letting her know then she dropped another bombshell that they had just had a baby together. , is this guy for real? I’ve left him a couple messages and He’s now giving me the silent treatment after asking him to explain himself.. This isn’t the first time he’s lied to me I found out and let him back in my life, try the third! I just want to know will I ever get the explanation I deserve (I know a lot of people will say I’m not entitled to one) but me and him have so much history and definitely a deep emotional and sexual connection. He’s just a very good liar. What was his deal with me and why did he allow it to go on for so long? Will I hear from him again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 but we had a deep deep connection which nobody can tell me about and we loved each others company. I find it shocking the number of women say that sort of thing when obviously, if you 'loved' one another like you think you did, he wouldn't have married someone else and he'd be with you. YOU are the one that had the connection... he was just there for the free ride. I'm sorry you allowed this for yourself. I'm sure if you look back you will see a whole slew of red flags that you ignored in order to keep this "connection" you had for him going. You found out several times he lied to you, you found out that you were alone for most holidays, I'm sure, you found out he never would commit to you but you ignored all that and I'm sure several other indicators that he had another woman somewhere... your gut even told you to the point that you asked him if he had someone else but you ignored even that to keep YOUR connection. It went on for so long because you allowed it to... even after he lied to you. So: Rather then look for an explanation from him, look for one from yourself and if you can't figure out on your own why you would allow this for yourself when deep down you knew he was not free to be with you, then consider getting therapy to help you with your confidence and self worth and how to form boundaries so that you won't allow yourself, ever again, to carry on with someone you know isn't being honest with you. If you DO hear from him again, you would be very foolish to even reply to him. He's a married man with a child and he didn't value you. If he did, he would have stopped his emotional abuse of you. He is not the epitome of virtue you have painted him to be in your mind so take him down off of the pedestal you have him on so you can heal and do better for yourself in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 It doesn't sound like he's a narcissist, just your run-of-the-mill liar and a cheater. There are plenty of these out there, and this is what they do - they cheat for the sake of cheating. The only thing they have in common with narcs is that they lack conscience, but narcissists have other extra traits that your guy doesn't seem to possess. These cheaters are really good at making you feel what they want you to feel, are usually very charming and skilled at making it appear like there is a connection. And since you really want that to be true, you believe, and overlook some red flags. But think about it: if he really thought there was a connection, would he have dated and then married someone else? Of course not. So you will have to try and get this romantic thought of a connection out of your mind, because it wasn't real. Been there done that. It's not that you don't deserve an explanation, but there's no explanation to be given. What can he say? I wanted to cheat on my partner so I did? That is self explanatory... You will probably hear from him, if he thinks he has a chance to keep you around for sex, now that you know the truth. What would he have to lose? And especially if his wife kicks him out, yes he may seek refuge with you for a while. But I hope you realize that he will never be loyal to you, and you will just be filling his wife's shoes. We all think we are special and they would never do that to us, but nothing can be further from the truth. And I will go even further and say that even if he was to stay faithful to you, you would still be worried, paranoid and expect him to cheat - because you saw with your own eyes what he is capable of doing. There is no winning in a relationship that is based on cheating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Why in the world would you not use protection for STDs" I do not understand this!!!!!!!!! UGH!!! Get tested! If you had had such a great "connection," then why would you allow yourself to be FWB with a man for such a long period? So many red flags. I applaud you for reaching out to the wife, but cannot understand why the hell you are reaching out to him? C'mon! You know he is a liar, and he benefitted from having sex with you. Don't you think it is finally time to move on. Lastly, stop playing psychologist. It does not matter if he is a narcissist. All you need to know is that he is a lying, cheating creep. He did not give a sh*t about you. Start using protection!!!!! I also suggest therapy, as you have very little self worth. Expect more from people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 I would also assume that you did not meet his friends and were not being taken out on dates? Your dates were in your home? This should have alerted you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaisyMayPorter Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 As hard as it is to let go, let go. Don’t worry about if he is going to contact you again. You don’t want him in your life and don’t need to waste anymore time figuring him out. Let the wife figure it out, it’s her problem now. Move on and find a guy who is yours and only yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Why continue to contact him or involve yourself with him? He’s a liar and used you. You need to take some action, block him and focus on moving forward. It just seems like you still want him in your life and therefore all his drama Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Why continue to contact him or involve yourself with him? He’s a liar and used you. You need to take some action, block him and focus on moving forward. It just seems like you still want him in your life and therefore all his drama I take some offence when I read someone saying "he" used her when she easily volunteered to be with him under conditions that she clearly knew were not true but just chose to put her head in the sand about them. She is not a victim. She, in fact used (if you want to use that word)him as much as he used her. OP: Time to learn how to forgive yourself for ignoring those red flags. Once you can do that, you'll be on your way to mending your addiction to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamurj Posted February 17, 2018 Share Posted February 17, 2018 Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.