irrational fear of cheating and rocky relationship

[Cope]

I knew people would be blunt but I think it is ridiculous to not admit yourselves of this feeling. As I said I knew I would get some of these responses but they don't help me. "Go see a psycologist" isn't as easy done than said. I really hope someone sees this that has been through issues like mine. I have talked to a lot people in person and most hate their partner going out without them. I just find it confusing why people think I need medical help. Pills don't fix everything and most are not a depression case... Sad society. If someone has any advice besides "Go to a doc!!" I will listen. I am trying to fix this on my own, not through anyone else. I am been to a counselor before and it was the dumbest thing I've done. Only agreed with me and said I was being too hard on myself. Just a heads up, I get some of you think a doc is an option, that has been shared... please if anyone else responds add something new. I regret stating the counseler thing above because that's all that was paid attention to.

 

I think you're looking for me. I could've written your original post years ago and sadly, even months ago. I don't want to control my partners either, yet I get all this "irrational" (?) fears that he will cheat on me, I get mad, I feel like he is taking advantage of me and it goes on and on. I've made scene with one of partners, horrible. I ended up not even being able to trust myself. When I finally got out of that relationship, I realised he was really a cheater. Next relationship, no irrational fears, yet, he cheated on me first 6 months in. Still no irrational fears.

 

What happened in between those two relationships? I got some self help. A book on mindfulness and help from this forum and others. It was marvelous until it ended for other reasons. After that relationship came basically two other short term ones. You know what happened? Irrational fear of cheating. I was mad. Where was the work I did all these years? What is going on? I was almost there, I could feel it, I understood it, I found the root of the problem and I thought I had it under control.Nope.

 

Soooo. I started therapy a month ago. I can not begin to described the difference I've seen even in 4-5 sessions. Everything is getting clearer, mostly as to how to control my thoughts and reaction to situations. I know that I will start trusting myself again and others very soon. You will be amazed as for the real reasons you are suffering from this fear. I was lucky enough to find a therapist that suits me. (I tried a couple throughout the years, they were so bad that they were basically the reason I didn't seek therapy for years) If a doctor doesn't suit you, change them, they are not gods. Just because they have a degree, does not make them compatible with you. They could be gold to one and rubbish to another, just like people and friendships. Therapist told me that it shows I've done some good work alone, but obviously it wasn't enough.

 

Conclusion? I wish I started earlier. I'm nearly broke, but I prefer giving money for therapy over having a lavish meal. Macaroni n cheese is excellent when your soul is in peace.

[Annia]

You asked for advice and you got it. What's wrong with you? Do you want us to make up advice tailored to what you want to hear? If a person's opinion is therapy do you want them to made up something else because you don't like to listen to it? You don't need to take the advice or agree with it but don't come here asking for advice and then criticise the people who put the effort to give it to you. You asked advice and you got it. You're not a victim here nor were you bullied. If you know what to do and it's working for you (it doesn't seem like it though) then don't ask for advice, simple lol btw I don't know where you got the pills thing lol

[Annia]

Besides you kept important information. If he cheated on you it changes things a bit. Still and sincerely and not to annoy you but if you want to keep with him after the cheating and cooperate with him to get the relationship going, maybe couples therapy? He's a part in this too and therefore he also has some responsibility in solving this problem with you.

[Jibralta]

And just to add, which I don't know if it is relevant, when we started dating the first year he cheated on me... And I didn't find out until last year.

 

It's not an irrational fear if it's founded in reality.