Mn43 Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 This is a long story but I’m gonna make it as short as I possibly can. I met him 9 years ago and we hit it off straight away, it lasted about 18 months then I found out he had a girlfriend. He denied this so I took it upon myself to message the girlfriend to confirm and tell her what was going on. We then spoke on the phone and she confirmed she was with him. After I told her she vowed she was done with him and told me I’m welcome to him. I wanted nothing to do with him after that so I blocked him from contacting me on all platforms. About a year later I got a message on Facebook from a random person asking how I am (turns out it was him) after lots of grovelling I gave him the benefit of the doubt and we started talking again. We’ve been seeing each other ever since then which would make it 6 years now. We’d speak everyday without fail and if there was a day I didn’t contact him he’d make it known he was annoyed. Cutting a long story short the other day I was going through some old messages when I came across the girlfriend and noticed her last name had changed to his. My heart sunk at the thought of this happening again let alone them being married. I immediately confronted him about what I saw and he denied it, said she must have got married to someone with the same name as him, does he think I’m stupid? I gave him a few days then asked him again and he still denied it. I contacted the woman again and she confirmed they are married. I feel sick to my stomach, I haven’t eaten for days because of this. Words can’t describe how hurt I am and I just want this feeling to go. I sent him another message basically saying there’s no need to keep lying cos I’ve had confirmation and his secrets out now, I just wanted to hear him say the words himself but it seems he doesn’t even respect me enough to do that. I ended the message asking for closure as last time I didn’t get it and he ended up back in my life. He read it but didn’t reply which made my blood boil so I went on to send another message telling him to do me a favour and go to hell. I’m can’t bring myself to block him just yet, I know I should but I’m hoping he will get in touch to tell me why he used me for so many years and why he didn’t tell me she was back in his life and that they are married. I can’t force him but I know I’m entitled to an explanation surely he knows that too? It’s an awful situation and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Any words of wisdom or advice welcome as I’m so heartbroken right now. I just don’t know what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 You are entitled to get this jerk out of you life. You are entitled to more respect from yourself and form a partner... but you aren't entitled to an explanation. There is nothing he can say that would make this better, or easier, or help you heal. He doesn't owe you anything. He's a lying coward jerk. You are lucky that he didn't marry you. But nothing -he- does, at this point, is going to help you. Block him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 Don't understand why you would speak to him, after he cheated on you for EIGHTEEN MONTHS! What were you thinking???? Why would you be surprised that he would do this to you again? You don't even live in the same place? How long has it been since you have seen him in person? " I’m can’t bring myself to block him just yet," Really??????? You really need to locate your self respect. This is a ridiculous situation. Good God! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 You are entitled to get this jerk out of you life. You are entitled to more respect from yourself and form a partner... but you aren't entitled to an explanation. There is nothing he can say that would make this better, or easier, or help you heal. He doesn't owe you anything. He's a lying coward jerk. You are lucky that he didn't marry you. But nothing -he- does, at this point, is going to help you. Block him. I'm thinking they have never met. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 How is it possible your boyfriend of 6 years was married and you had no idea? Is this an online relationship or something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 Sorry to hear this. Is this a LDR? Have you ever been to his place? It seems odd that he could hide a relationship/marriage from you twice now. Block and delete him from all messaging and social media. That is your closure. Next time you date make sure you spend an equal amount of time at each others' places and get to know each others friends and family before jumping in this deep.We’ve been seeing each other ever since then which would make it 6 years now. We’d speak everyday without fail and if there was a day I didn’t contact him he’d make it known he was annoyed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annia Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 English is not my first language but you used the term "seeing each other" instead of being in a relationship. Were you even in a relationship with him? Have you been at his place and been introduced to his friends and family? It seems odd to me that in 6 years you didn't notice he at least had someone. If he was married he would've avoid presenting you to friends and family and that's a huge red flag. If you never met him in person his "only"crime is being an emotional cheater and a liar. I don't consider it was him using you if that's the case because maybe you were just a free time online friend to him. Besides he had already lied to you and you took him back and wasted 6 years with him. Stop waiting for closure and that he reaches out to you. You have all the information you need and he doesn't care. Have some self respect and block and delete. Stop wasting your time with a married/committed man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betterwithout Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 I just don’t know what to do. Sorry you went through this, but you need to move on, AND learn the lesson. Don't invest too much in online relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 I just wanted to hear him say the words himself but it seems he doesn’t even respect me enough to do that. I ended the message asking for closure as last time I didn’t get it and he ended up back in my life. He read it but didn’t reply which made my blood boil so I went on to send another message telling him to do me a favour and go to hell. I’m can’t bring myself to block him just yet, I know I should but I’m hoping he will get in touch to tell me why he used me for so many years and why he didn’t tell me she was back in his life and that they are married. I can’t force him but I know I’m entitled to an explanation surely he knows that too? It’s an awful situation and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Any words of wisdom or advice welcome as I’m so heartbroken right now. I just don’t know what to do. Why on earth would you need a liar such as this to even tell you the time of day? You couldn't trust it if you heard it. His words mean absolutely nothing. Haven't you at least learned that from all of this. You should be shuddering after being exposed to such filth and blocked and deleted this dark soul from ever crossing your path. But somehow an explanation from him would make it better? Feel sorry for his wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 Why on earth would you need a liar such as this to even tell you the time of day? You couldn't trust it if you heard it. His words mean absolutely nothing. Haven't you at least learned that from all of this. You should be shuddering after being exposed to such filth and blocked and deleted this dark soul from ever crossing your path. But somehow an explanation from him would make it better? Feel sorry for his wife. The wife seems to know. She's pretty desperate and continues to stick around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaisyMayPorter Posted February 10, 2018 Share Posted February 10, 2018 I’m curious, is this an online relationship? Or did you ever meet his family, friends, etc? Were you in his life at all? I’m just wondering why you never got wind of the other woman. Explain more details of the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Usa1ah Posted February 11, 2018 Share Posted February 11, 2018 How is it possible your boyfriend of 6 years was married and you had no idea? Is this an online relationship or something? Thank you. This is it. Six years and you have never been to his place? Never meet his parents? Never spent holidays or anything with him? What were the excuses he used? No advice except to make sure the next guy you meet is on the level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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