Godloveme Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 It really hurt me to know that he wants to calls a hooker, he really loves me and cares for me. He wants to have long term with me. Unfortunately, there are 3 times I found out he go online look for a hooker, mark the location, the price and pick the girls. I don't know if he went, but sure he already done all the price and location reserach. If he not mean to go, should not spend the time to do the research. The first time I found out, I go to him ask him to promise me not touch other girls beside me. He promises. The 2nd time I found out, I go to him ask him to promise again and cry very bad. He promises. The 3rd time I found out, my heart solid cold did not confront him anymore, his promise means nothing. He may insist he did not do it, just research. I love him, but not willing to take the STD risk with him if he doesn't give up on hooker. I know he loves me, he treats me very good, I do not understand why he not willing to give up hooker. As a woman, I can't accept it. Some people said most guy sleep w another woman during dating and marriage, it is very common, every guy did it, is it true? Am I too unrealistic hoping my boyfriend don't sleep w another girl during years of our relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 Respect yourself enough to leave this relationship, because he definitely is not respecting you. Sorry to be harsh, but when trust is broken, it's hard to regain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaisyMayPorter Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 It doesn’t matter what he is promising, he will tell you whatever you want to hear. If he is “researching” or whatever he is doing, I would think that you would be unable to trust him moving forward. I don’t even know how you could trust him after the first, second, and third time. You should respect yourself and leave before he does more than just “research“. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nao Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 I think he has a thing for hookers, that you can't change it, accept it, or leave him... in his mind he is not cheating on you... just needs some "professional help" to truly feel satisfied... I understand your concern about STD and all those stuffs though ... try talk to him, be as open about the subject as you can, maybe he will make you understand why he needs hookers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 Have some self respect and get away from this serial cheater. He's shown you he's a liar and a cheat. He doesnt love you or he would not be looking for hookers. Of course not all guys are like this and cheat on their girlfriends/wives! You are being very foolish if you think he's going to change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 How long have you been dating? What is his cultural background? Who is telling you it's normal to go to prostitutes throughout relationships? Is this arranged dating/engagement/marriage? Why can't you leave him?Some people said most guy sleep w another woman during dating and marriage, it is very common, every guy did it, is it true? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 He doesn't love you. You need to have more value for yourself to expect more from a bf. This includes looking for a hooker. End this, and get tested for STDs. I can't understand how you value yourself so little, that you would consider staying with him. Why don't don't you ask your friends and family for their opinion. NO. If a man LOVES and respects you, he does NOT have sex with other women. Most especially, hookers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 I think he has a thing for hookers, that you can't change it, accept it, or leave him... in his mind he is not cheating on you... just needs some "professional help" to truly feel satisfied... I understand your concern about STD and all those stuffs though ... try talk to him, be as open about the subject as you can, maybe he will make you understand why he needs hookers... I think she has already done that: three times. he is not an idiot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godloveme Posted February 6, 2018 Author Share Posted February 6, 2018 We date 3 years, I found out 3 times he does research. Both we are chinese. I ask some guys, they said most marriage will end up no sex in marriage and man will seek sex outside relationship as needed, and they won't tell their wife, but 90% of them doing it. They said it is reality, man need sex, and they will do it outside marriage, just not telling wife. He said no exception. Wife either don't know it and be happy, or know it and accept it. He said there is no relationship man don't look for sex outside. If he treat me bad, I have no problem leave him, but he treat me very good, he take care me and pamper me. Sweet and kind to me. It makes me don't understand why he love me but still not respect me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 You need to give some serious thought in how you define love. Love is a lot of things and some of them include respect, trust and caring for another. He is disrespectful, selfish, untrustworthy and doesn't care for your feelings or your well being. Matter of fact he will put your health in danger, if he hasn't already done so. By you complaining about it, doing nothing and staying makes you pretty much a `lion with no teeth' He will continue to the same because he knows he can, there are no consequence and you won't leave. It's time to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 He is lying to you, so he is treating you badly. Are women required to be virgins before marriage? Is this an arranged marriage? Why don't you ask someone other than him, if this is true? Do your father and brothers go to prostitutes? Your mother never has sex or doesn't care? Your logic makes no sense other than he buys your affection with money.He said there is no relationship man don't look for sex outside. If he treat me bad, I have no problem leave him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 We date 3 years, I found out 3 times he does research. Both we are chinese. I ask some guys, they said most marriage will end up no sex in marriage and man will seek sex outside relationship as needed, and they won't tell their wife, but 90% of them doing it. They said it is reality, man need sex, and they will do it outside marriage, just not telling wife. He said no exception. Wife either don't know it and be happy, or know it and accept it. He said there is no relationship man don't look for sex outside. If he treat me bad, I have no problem leave him, but he treat me very good, he take care me and pamper me. Sweet and kind to me. It makes me don't understand why he love me but still not respect me. That is a bunch of garbage. My male Chinese friends do not cheat on their wives!!!! He does not treat you well if he cheats. If he is such a great guy and it is not a problem, then why are you posting here? I would leave him. Have some self respect. And get tested!!! I hope that you have always used condoms??? He does not love you. NONE of my Chinese, female friends would allow this from their husbands or bfs. They respect themselves. Don't you think it's time that you did! I also think you should find a better class of male friends, they sound just as bad as your bf. Find someone of better quality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godloveme Posted February 6, 2018 Author Share Posted February 6, 2018 Thanks for the great advice. I will work on leaving him. I put in more work hour to keep myself busy, but every min working, I think of him. I try surrounded myself w friends, but my mind still think of him. Any suggest that I can move on without the pain? I miss him badly, and I know I should not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 You keep very busy. Surround your self with friends, and try not to talk about him. Another thing that helped me, was staying super-busy and getting involved in new interests: Meetups, classes, hiking, volunteering etc..... You will find someone who values and respects you. Don't ever settle like this, again. You deserve so much better. Please get tested for STDs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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