My 23 y/o girlfriend has had 30+ sexual partners, I've had 3 counting her.

[Giblesp]

STIs are mostly harmless or curable. The stigma around them is insane for the actual amount of harm they cause. I also find that the people with the least knowledge about them have the most fear. That stigma (ewww something you got through sex is so much dirtier then something you got through... the gym floor? The door knob at work? any kind of normal human injury or grossness that we all go through all the time having a body) is part of how we, as a culture, heap shame on people for being sexual.

 

Apart from herpes which never really goes away, a condom cant fully prevent, gets passed on to other people and can give a woman difficulties with childbirth.

[rosephase]

Apart from herpes which never really goes away, a condom cant fully prevent, gets passed on to other people and can give a woman difficulties with childbirth.

 

I have herpes. It's no more issue than having athletes foot. If you remove the stigma. It can a problem during child birth but only if you don't know you have it. If the mother knows she has it she can be on the correct drugs it isn't an issue. You can also be on drugs the reduce it being passed on. If you take the "ewww! Gross a sex disease!" out of it, it's not worse then a whole bunch of common skin conditions. Like ring worm. If I could trade ring worm for herpes simplex 4 i would, in a heart beat. Or god eczema! When I get a hard time with eczema it hurts a lot more, it looks terrible, it's hard to treat and it never goes all the way away. But no one shames me about eczema or ring worm. That's reserved for gross icky sex related skin conditions.

 

The stigma is why it's sex negative. Because sex is still wrong and gross that make STIs more wrong and gross than other similar conditions.

 

Being alive means you have to deal with having a body. Bodies get hurt and infected and get disease. Be rational about the things you can avoid. Understand the risks you are taking and STOP stigmatizing sex.

[ThatwasThen]

Well, I don't think not wanting to catch herpes is about stigmatizing sex. If eczema was as transferrable as herpes is, it would be just as loathsome to most people. Its the infection itself that has the stigma, not the sex that it was transferred during. (IMO).

 

Most of us fear herpes it seems. For the most part It's only those that have it who tend to trivialize it. I suspect that as time goes on and it ends up that all of us have it, it won't matter anymore.

[johndoe13]

Hey there. Been there. My ex although not as explicit told me certain things that just crushed my parade. Here are one liner:

=Usually when 'this' happens (somebody sleeping over) I want 'them' to leave

= She told me that in the past...she would loose her head over men...but with me she was in control

= When I asked her to be my girlfriend she told me right after that she was "flirty" and wanted to make sure this did not bother me

= She out of the blue in a souper I cooked for her told me that she has dated 2 guys simultaneously several times in her past...

and I could go on and on with examples.

Honestly I never coped with the jealousy well. Why did she tell me all these things....which is what you have to ask yourself!

My conclusion is that since she is less invested in you and could leave you before she gets emotionally attached; she will get these things out of the way and set the most permissive boundaries possible. Honestly although she is honest... she sounds immature, self centered and you are too young for something too serious. Again, I'm 43 and was not able to let these things go. Once your brain rings the alarms and you anxiety is part of your daily life...there is only one thing to do....move on. Dude sex is not worth the mental anxiety you will live with this girl....good luck.