Am I being irrational?

[Wiggy]

tl;dr Pretty sure my girlfriend is at least contemplating cheating on me, but I may be psycho...

 

I (25M) have been dating my partner (22F) for just over two years, I recently relocated and left everything behind including family and friends to be with her and support her in a better place for both of us.

 

During the relocation it took me two months to find a job so I lived with my parents in our home town and continued working and then moved to be with her.

 

We’re currently four months in to the move and about two months ago she said she was feeling detached from me and didn’t love me as much as she used to and she feels like we’re just friends.

 

Since then I’ve done everything I could to make her feel special and spend quality time together and she said she really wants to work on our relationship but hasn’t lifted a finger since. Here’s where it gets good.

 

She went to a party with her friends last Friday night and went on a long walk with some random guy, she said it was nothing, I didn’t believe her, asked her point blank if there was more to it and she denied it.

 

Soooo I did some digging on her phone when she fell asleep, she’s been messaging this guy on Snapchat, there’s like six Facebook messages that say “I had fun last night on our walk” and he says “you deserve to be happy, beautiful” and then they swapped to Snapchat messaging. The only text message I found on Snapchat was from her to him and it reads “Thank you, It’s Victoria’s Secret” she was wearing her Victoria’s Secret bra tonight.

 

So am I being irrational or does that seem exactly like she’s sending him cleavage shots? And is she borderline cheating already and it’s only a matter of time before this goes bad?

[Starlight925]

You are not being irrational.

 

She is cheating, at least emotionally.....and that's how it starts.

 

You have made this move for her, and she is jerking you around.

 

Do you want to stay in this city? Or return to where you came from? I know you just spent 2 months looking for a job.

[Wiggy]

You are not being irrational.

 

She is cheating, at least emotionally.....and that's how it starts.

 

You have made this move for her, and she is jerking you around.

 

Do you want to stay in this city? Or return to where you came from? I know you just spent 2 months looking for a job.

 

 

I really didn’t want that response sadly, I don’t even know what I want right now. I just feel a little lost, do I follow my heart and stay and fight for her, or my brain, leave her and see where I end up.

 

I didn’t think something like this could happen to me, I have literally never been anything but supportive and kind to her, sorry for the rant :/

[Starlight925]

sorry for the rant :/

 

This is not a rant, so please do not apologize.

 

Unfortunately, you are finding things out that, I hate to say, have probably been going on for a lot longer than this. I know you don't want to hear this, but she's not being truthful with you, and you have the evidence. Now, it's up to you to figure out what to do with that knowledge.

 

I once moved to be closer to someone, got a new job, the whole thing, and he turned out to not be who I thought he was. I packed all my stuff and moved back home. So when I tell you I know how you feel, I promise, I know exactly how you feel.

[Shellyp11]

I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you. Certainly she is up to no good and it will only get worse.

 

If I was you I wouldn't say a word, I would watch how she behaves for a little while, If you say anything before you have any evidence you will never know the truth.

 

Obviously she isn't going to admit to anything and if she thinks you are suspicious she will start deleting messages and hiding her phone from you

 

You have moved for this girl and she is showing no respect!!

 

Never expect her to tell you. If you want to know you have to find out for yourself.

 

Good luck it could be a long journey

[Usa1ah]

One thing you need to know.

 

Don’t play the chose me game.

 

Don’t apologize for going through her phone.

 

Start separating things, when she asks what’s going on, tell her sense she is lying about another guy you are getting ready to move forward yourself.

[Usa1ah]

Then move forward.

 

Read up on the 180. Then do it.

[Usa1ah]

If she asks anything like “ aren’t you going to fight for me? “.

 

Tell her why would any man fight for a girl that lies to his face while talking to another guy.

[nutbrownhare]

I've also had the experience of turning my life upside down to be with a guy, where I thought the relationship was going to be permanent, only for it to be very different to what I'd expected, and then moving out after three months. These days I look back and it seems like a nightmare remembered from childhood.

 

You need to break up with her; you've done all you can to salvage this relationship, and her response is to get sexy with another guy. As you've already given your all, there's nothing really left to fight for. One of the things about being 100% devoted to your partner, and it STILL not working, is that you can walk away knowing there's nothing you could have done differently. This isn't about you, it's about where she's at right now and there's nothing, literally nothing, you can do to make her change that.

 

There will be a whole pile of practical hassles, but it sounds as though you're working and capable of supporting yourself alone. Walk away with your head held high, and start over. Do not underestimate how toxic and damaging it would be to stay in this situation.