SarahVV Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Ok... I will give it a go: I met this guy online (we have been speaking for two months prior) we met up finally at Christmas and had a great time, we went on a second date two days later and spend 4 days together for New Years. He messages and calls during the week but at the weekend he seems to go off the radar. He is keen and enthusiastic to go on a third date but I live 3 hours away from him so it isn't easy. I will be free to see him again in 2 weeks. We Skyped last week and have arranged to spend a weekend together in 2 weeks (I will visit him and stay with him) but again this weekend he went off the radar. I know he has been multi dating prior to us meeting up and I don't expect that he has stopped that but it freaks me out that he couldn't be bothered getting in contact over the weekend especially if he is spending it with someone else.. But then again he has a right to really as we are single and we have only been on 2 dates.. He messaged me this morning to see how I am and part of me is happy he has but part of me is annoyed if he has spent it with someone else and then expects me to visit him in two weeks. I would like to spend the weekend with him and get to know him better but not if he is doing the same with someone else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 It's simple. Stop spending weekends with him if you are looking for exclusive dating. It would be best to what he is doing and continue to date locally.have arranged to spend a weekend together in 2 weeks I will visit him and stay with him but part of me is annoyed if he has spent it with someone else and then expects me to visit him in two weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solidcase Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 I'd start being really, really honest with yourself - make sure you are being clear with yourself about what you want out of this. Are you seriously putting in effort to find someone? Or are you also just trying to play the field? And once you've figured that out, I'd ask him what his plan is. If it aligns with yours, then great. If not (and do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself here too), then it's definitely best to keep on searching for someone who is going to be more on your level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Going out on a date Saturday night wouldn't exactly prevent him from getting in touch with you during the day. So maybe instead of assuming things, ask him why he doesn't seem to talk to you on weekends? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 What exactly are you hoping for? You already know he is multi dating and you are going a long way to be a part of his dating options. It does not sound as though he is interested in being exclusive and on the weekends he is having a good time. I think you need to date locally and let it go with this guy. He's not serious and you will end up putting in so much effort for nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figureitout23 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Ok... I will give it a go: I met this guy online (we have been speaking for two months prior) we met up finally at Christmas and had a great time, we went on a second date two days later and spend 4 days together for New Years. He messages and calls during the week but at the weekend he seems to go off the radar. He is keen and enthusiastic to go on a third date but I live 3 hours away from him so it isn't easy. I will be free to see him again in 2 weeks. We Skyped last week and have arranged to spend a weekend together in 2 weeks (I will visit him and stay with him) but again this weekend he went off the radar. I know he has been multi dating prior to us meeting up and I don't expect that he has stopped that but it freaks me out that he couldn't be bothered getting in contact over the weekend especially if he is spending it with someone else.. But then again he has a right to really as we are single and we have only been on 2 dates.. He messaged me this morning to see how I am and part of me is happy he has but part of me is annoyed if he has spent it with someone else and then expects me to visit him in two weeks. I would like to spend the weekend with him and get to know him better but not if he is doing the same with someone else? Do you really want to be involved with a guy who multidates? I mean honestly? Cause there are plenty of one woman at a time men out there, plenty, who are closer on top of it! No point in being part of a rotation and being insecure about how you're measuring up to the others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahVV Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 Appreciate the advice! Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahVV Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 Thank you:friendly_wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaisyMayPorter Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 First, you don’t know he is still multi-dating. Maybe he realized he liked you the best and stopped seeing the other women. Second, maybe until you figure out what he is doing, don’t sleep over his house. Go out with him for just the night, and if it’s too far away to drive all the way home, stay at a hotel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahVV Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 Hi, would that not come across as "needy" if I am asking why he doesn't contact me at the weekend? seeing as we have only been on two dates.. how would I even word it right so it doesn't come across that way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 After 2 dates it's a strange question. there has been no talk of exclusivity. Just assume he's doing what you two do on weekends and doesn't communicate. we have only been on two dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figureitout23 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 If you know for sure he was multidating when you two met and he hasn't mentioned he stopped and he's mia at times. Come on. If it walks like a duck..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 After only 2 dates I would never travel 3 hours to spend a weekend with a guy. To me it feels like it shows him I'm way too desperate. Call me old fashioned but if he wants to see me, HE can travel 3 hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 I don't think there's anything wrong with both of you dating around until you decide to be exclusive. I don't think after only 2 dates he needs to be in regular contact with you. Get to know him in person. I think you want him to contact you as some sort of reassurance not because you're interested in getting to know more about him. He may sense that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juha Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Two dates and you are already questioning what this guys is doing? To me that's totally ridiculous. I am not sure what you are thinking or doing dating this guy. Seems you have expectations for how things should be pretty quickly. You are making assumptions without even talking with the man. I assume you only audition one person at a time? If you like this guy why get to know him a little better, have some fun, and see where it goes. You can easily chit chat about each others weekends and how they were, what you did, and find out in subtle way what he's been up to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahVV Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 Thank you for your straight talk.. I appreciate it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maew Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 I see nothing wrong with him multi-dating... I would be multi-dating too in that situation! Particularly if it had only been two dates, and he lived hours away. That being said... if you are not comfortable in multi-dating situations, you need to say so, and right away, before you get even more resentful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 I think the writing is on the wall with this. No contact on the weekends is likely because he's dating, and anorher female might stay overnight with him, just like you are planning on doing. I might be wrong, but if it were me, I'd certainly not go spend the night with him. He doesn't make you a priority to contact on the weekends. Why are you driving to him?? If you're okay with the fact he is dating others, you can't expect him to be in constant communication with you. Just as you do your thing on weekends, he's doing his. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 HE can travel 3 hours. Exactly, you are the one doing all the chasing while he goes from you to other girls. Surely you can get better than this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahVV Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 Going out on a date Saturday night wouldn't exactly prevent him from getting in touch with you during the day. So maybe instead of assuming things, ask him why he doesn't seem to talk to you on weekends? I think the writing is on the wall with this. No contact on the weekends is likely because he's dating, and anorher female might stay overnight with him, just like you are planning on doing. I might be wrong, but if it were me, I'd certainly not go spend the night with him. He doesn't make you a priority to contact on the weekends. Why are you driving to him?? If you're okay with the fact he is dating others, you can't expect him to be in constant communication with you. Just as you do your thing on weekends, he's doing his. What should I do then... just cancel the weekend and let it go? Can I ask him anything without sounding to desperate/needy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 It's up to you knowing he most likely has another or other women over all weekend, just as you do with him. Rather than sounding this desperate and possessive after 2 dates, decide your course of action. Why don't you date locally on the other weekends rather than waiting by the phone? What should I do then... just cancel the weekend and let it go? Can I ask him anything without sounding to desperate/needy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Just going to echo Juha that you can chit chat about your weekends and find out what he is doing that way and what's keeping him busy. Either way, wanting to be exclusive after only two dates or wanting someone who will rush that fast into a relationship with you and only be fixated on you is probably not the best idea. The point of dating is to spend some time with each other, have fun, get to know each other and hopefully that will eventually grow into a relationship....assuming you are both compatible and want that. You may find out that he has deal breakers you aren't interested in and walk away sooner rather than later. As for multi-dating, so early on you both should be. You should choose who you get involved with carefully and have options so you are not getting hung up on someone out of loneliness and desperation. Plus when you have options, it's so much easier to dismiss wrong matches and see red flags. You aren't operating from a standpoint that this is it, this is the only person and if they go you'll be lonely and out of options. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 What do you want? Get what you want. Perspective: I have had a back and forth thing with a man for more. than. two. years. We have both been dating others this whole time. We have some boundaries with each other, but most of the women he dates - from best I can tell - get a weekend sleepover. I don't, I suppose because we don't have sex. The women stay in rotation for a month or two, and he is sort of monogamous with each. Then he dumps them. In fact, I am not even sure he dumps them. He just rotates someone else forward. They end it. He has no reason to end it. Multidating is no joke. If you don't want it, don't do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 How did you two meet the first two times? There's no way I'd put all my eggs in one basket for a woman three hours away. Frankly, I don't think you should for such a man, either. You don't need an explanation for him not communicating during the weekend. Accept he's doing what he wants, dating others very potentially included. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 What should I do then... just cancel the weekend and let it go? Can I ask him anything without sounding to desperate/needy? It's up to you, I personally would want to know if a guy I was considering dating had other females in his bed all weekend. That wouldn't be someone I'd invest my time in. He's being honest that you aren't the only one, so ask yourself if you're okay with what the weekend might bring by staying. I still want to know why you are the one driving three hours? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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