Dating someone who lives 2 hours away?

[blueflames]

I met a guy on a dating app who lives 2 hours ish away from me. I don't even know how we ended up matching, because I'm pretty sure my location radius is set to

 

The thing is, is it feasible to start dating somebody if they live 2 hours away? I understand distance if the couple initially is together, and then has to be apart temporarily. But we are still in the getting to know the person stage. I mean we've only had one date. So how do you build that connection with someone when they are that far away?

 

I know 2 hours on its face is not that far, but (1) that's without factoring in traffic and (2) it's still far enough that you can't really see each other at all on weekdays. And nothing really beats being able to cuddle with and see your SO all the time.

 

On the other hand, I have a pretty demanding job and not much free time during the week anyway.

 

I guess what I am asking is, do you think it's worth it to go on another date or so with this guy? I'm really only interested in dating someone if there is a potential for it to turn into something serious. I don't want to waste time if it's likely to fizzle out.

[SherrySher]

Is he planning on moving to where you are? Are you planning to move where he is?

 

If you're answer is no to both then I'm not sure how it can work. It will end up being a lot of frustration.

[blueflames]

Is he planning on moving to where you are? Are you planning to move where he is?

 

If you're answer is no to both then I'm not sure how it can work. It will end up being a lot of frustration.

 

We haven't really addressed that yet. I feel like it's too early to talk about moving considering we've only been on one date? He did say he's not really tied down to where he is.

 

I do think it would make much more sense for him to move closer to me than for me to move closer to him. I live in a much bigger city than he does, with many more job opportunities.

[DanZee]

I do think a 2-hour commute is a bit tough, especially when you don't have a lot of free time during the week. It means he can't casually drop in with Chinese food or go out for a sort date on weekdays, and that your dates will be limited to Saturday afternoons, evenings and Sunday mornings. Of course, it's your decision, but I do think you're leaning to it not being worth it.

 

I give you credit for being realistic because a lot of people write in about being in a "long-distance relationship" they've been in for years and never having met the person in the real life. It's not really a relationship.

[Batya33]

I wouldn't (and my husband and I dated long distance for a few years but we'd dated in the past) unless you can meet midway and it's practical to see each other at least once-twice a week.

[reinventmyself]

I've done it, twice.

 

I am busy during the week and pretty independent. But even with that it does come to a head at some point for some.

I know others that can do it, but it's pretty rare.

 

You do get caught up in a perpetual honeymoon state for quite some time. As nice as that is and without the benefit of day to day life, the down side is it takes longer to really get to know the other person.

In both of my situations things became pretty clear around 1 1/2 years. It's a lot of time and effort invested and with no return in the end.

I am a little biased. Again, I do know some success stories.

 

But you both need commit to do the hard work, because it is hard. You both need to be independent spirits because there will be many times you wish you partner was there when they couldn't be and you need to be very trusting and trustworthy.

 

AND you both need to be willing to move. Doesn't mean you do, but I would have preferred it if my partner truly thought the relationship was worth it do to so as well.

I might have moved both times but felt resentful when my partner(s) true motivation was always to stay and expect me to compromise. That would have been fair to tell me that up front and not pretend otherwise.

 

The first relationship ended over an impasse, only for him to come back months later and agree to live in my home. We decided a trial run to start. He was there 3 days a week. Here we are collectively 2 1/2 years in and only

then to learn we weren't really compatible.

[mswift33]

i think finding somone u like is very rare... even if the person lives far away... give it a tryy....... what if it is a great luv???? dont kill the hopeless romantic heree!!!

[Wiseman2]

Given what you've written are your priorities, and you've only had one date, you may want to consider other local options.

I met a guy on a dating app who lives 2 hours ish away. we've only had one date. nothing really beats being able to cuddle with and see your SO all the time.

[Rozhni]

From my experience I will never date long distance unless it’s a girl who is absolutely head over heels for me and she puts in the effort to see me equally.

 

It takes two people to be EQUALLY interested in each other otherwise one person will be doing all of the work which in my situation ended up being me who was doing all the work. I had the money and a reliable car so I offered to always come see her. She really liked me and the crazy thing is I fell in love with her because of how much I was doing for her. I fell in love because I subcontiously started realizing how much I’m doing for her and psychologically people fall in love from action.

 

Because of how much I was doing for her I feel like that was why she lost interest. She slowly stopped caring to see me and we started fading apart. I feel like it was a lot harder on me because I was the one that put in most of the effort. Wasted so much time. Just seemed like a lesson in life. Relationships have to be equal so if you do decide to take the risk of dating long distance, make sure you guys are ALWAYS doing half the work. The moment you feel like you’re doing more, talk about it and if it continues, leave.